Just don't open your legs, Louis. And Mediawatch enjoys a Friday of spurious sh*te dressed as exclusives...
He might be vanilla, but he's a top-quality vanilla. And anyway, vanilla is lovely. And does he own a denim cap?
Louis van Gaal says that he "agrees" with Manchester United's decision not to publicly back him.
Van Gaal is pleased with Memphis despite the winger's costly mistake against Chelsea last weekend.
Prosecutors: Johnson "abused his revered position" when he had sexual contact with a 15-year-old fan.
Klopp has discussed the striking situation at Liverpool, with Sturridge and Origi returning.
Louis van Gaal has revealed he is dealing with six separate injuries at Manchester United currently.
Our Degs is not losing faith now - it's Leicester on the handicap and Spurs to win at City at 13/5. Gulp.
Lovren should return next week. Now for the bad news: Joe Allen is out "for a while".
Berlin endures an odd relationship with football culture. Are Hertha finally showing signs of sustainable progress?
The Dutchman even hints that Mourinho himself has told him that no talks have taken place.
"We have to be quite front foot," says Newcastle manager. They don't have players to play on counter-attack.
Who could he possibly mean when he talks about the dangers of appointing a short-termist manager?
Wenger has issued injury updates on three Arsenal players ahead of their game against Leicester.
How much of a victory is Liverpool's climbdown? Also: Don't mention Spurs, and come back, Juan.
John Terry could move to Manchester United if Jose Mourinho takes over, says Ray Wilkins.
Inter Milan left-back Yuto Nagatomo has revealed that he rejected a move to Man United this season.
Louis van Gaal believes Paul Scholes has "influenced a certain amount of fans", and should be more positive.
With Guardiola finally arriving on these shores in the summer, we get a bit excited over who could follow him.
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