Fresh from sleeping in a garage after Stoke failed to beat Sunderland, Degsy is hoping for better things. That starts with Charlie Austin scoring against Liverpool...
Degsy regales us with tales of Christmas dinner mishaps and police station naughtiness. He also think Wayne Rooney's a steal at 11/2 first scorer...
*Disclaimer - I write this week's preview despite being gripped by fever and I am leaking out of both ends at an alarming rate. Me even completing this prose is unquestionably the finest example of sporting bravery since Alex 'Sandy' Higgins won the Irish Masters, on crutches, in 1989.
Sunderland v Southampton
It's nailed on that someone will come with a late run and bag a seat in the plane to Rio and my money is on Adam Johnson. Frozen out on Wearside just a few weeks ago his cameo as a sub against Manchester United the other week was superb and recent displays have given his career a much needed kick up the ring piece. He's 4/1 to continue where he left off at Fulham and that'll ding dang do for Degsy.
Betting: Johnson to score anytime at 4/1 (Betfred)
Arsenal v Fulham
Can't see past a home win here and with Tomas Rosicky set to miss out I reckon it could pay to back Serge Gnabry. At 18 he may yet not have a full set of pubes but he had talent to burn and he should get chances to get what would be his second goal of the season against a very ordinary Fulham outfit.
Betting: Gnabry to score anything at 3/1 (Betfred)
Crystal Palace v Stoke
Tony Pulis does battle with the side he became synonymous with in footballing circles, and I reckon the baseball cap-wearing rascal can conjure up three points here to edge his new club ever closer to safety given that Stoke have failed to win any of their last eight league games.
Betting: Crystal Palace to win at 11/8 (Ladbrokes)
Manchester City v Cardiff City
It's 10 wins off the belt in the league at home this season for The Citizens who have averaged 3.8 goals per game in that period. They smashed five past Blackburn in the week and are quite simply on fire. For this reason ill be throwing the mortgage money on them beating the Bluebirds by three or more here.
Betting: Manchester City (-2) to win at 21/20 (bet365/Hills)
Norwich City v Hull City
Let's have it right Norwich are a poor side who have spent a lot of dough in the summer on not very much it would seem. Hull have no business being better than 2/1 to win this but ours is not to reason why.
Betting: Hull City to win at 23/10 (bet355/Bet Victor)
West Ham v Newcastle United
Andy Carroll? Finally fit again and playing against his former club? You know don't you?
Betting: Andy Carroll to score first at 13/2 (Betfred)
Liverpool v Aston Villa
I fancy the Reds here but not before an almighty struggle against a gold shy Villa. The visitors have a good recent record at Anfield but lack the attacking derring do to claim a result this time round
Betting: Liverpool to win 1-0 at 10/1 (bet365)
Swansea v Tottenham
Spurs have a solid record on the road this season and there is much to like about current 7/5 quotes for this one. Tim Sherwood has got Spurs playing a more expensive game and Swansea haven't been great on their own patch (just two wins in the league).
Betting: Tottenham to win at 7/5 (Bet Victor/Paddy Power)
Chelsea v Manchester United
What a game to round off the weekend. I have Chelsea down as absolute stone wall bankers. The Red Devils have failed to score in any of their last three matches v Chelsea and Mourinho's men are unbeaten at home in the PL. 4/5 is akin to printing money so make you you lump on the Blues to beat a pretty feeble ManYoo this Sunday. If you don't agree with my assessment let me tell you that you are weird. Weird I tells ya. So p*ss off away from this site immediately and stop weirding up the place. You weirdo.
Betting: Chelsea to win at 4/5 (General)