Degsy desperately needs to pay off his mobile phone debt, so he's lumping on Falcao to open his account with the first goal at Old Trafford on Sunday...
Degsy's is back in sparkling form after his sister's A Levels results. He fancies Chelsea at odds against and Aaron Ramsey to keep his goalscoring touch...
Manchester City v Southampton
The Citizens are understandably piping hot favourites here but I simply cannot ignore Jay Rodriguez at 100/30 to score at the Etihad. He's scored five goals in his last four matches and he could have had five or six last time out against Newcastle, given the amount of service he had. The Saints won't park the bus and in Jay-Rod have a player playing without fear who will relish such an occasion.
Betting: Rodriguez to score anytime at 100/30 (bet365)
Aston Villa v Fulham
Villa are another pretty warm home jolly but I can't even contemplate backing a side who have shipped eight goals in two games against very moderate opposition. It's do or die for Fulham and if Felix Magath can't get his team up for this then the decorated German coach can start planning for trips to footballing outposts such as Doncaster, Bournemouth and Leeds next term. My hunch is he will and I make the Cottagers a spot of value at 3/1 to beat a Villa side reeling from the news that top striker Christian Benteke is out for six months.
Betting: Fulham to win at 3/1 (Sky Bet)
Cardiff City v Crystal Palace
After singeing my knackers in a George Foreman as a forfeit for the 'Unders' not landing in last week's West Brom v Cardiff match I have been walking about with sudocrem in my skimps all week and am therefore loathe to stick my neck out again but try as I might I can't see this game catching fire and producing a bag full.
Betting: Under 1.5 goals at 2/1 (Hills)
Hull City v Swansea
The Tigers have lost four of their last five and may have one eye on next week's FA Cup semi-final. Furthermore Swansea have looked proper decent in their last two outings and I am eyeing up a flamboyant tickle on them winning this 3-1.
Betting: Swansea to win 3-1 at 28/1 (bet365/Hills)
Newcastle United v Manchester United
With five first choice players out, including keeper Tim Krul n striker Loic Remy, it's little wonder Alan Pardew is bemoaning "a real injury crisis ahead of their clash with ManYoo. He also wants to be moaning about the fact they were an absolute f*cking shambles last time out against Southampton. The Saints, without any exaggeration, could have scored ten or more on the day and if the Mags put the same sort of shift in here they'll catch some stick from the 'Geordie Nation'. I personally have the Red Devils down as the best even money shot on the coupon this weekend.
Betting: Manchester United to win at evens (Bet Victor)
Norwich City v West Brom
Two dodgy sides so I won't try to call this and will instead give you my nap for the Grand National. It comes in the shape of Irish raider Big Shu, who my window cleaner has been getting very excited about over the past six weeks. Now my window cleaner is a sexual pervert, that's just a fact, but he also knows a thing or two about the nags so when he speaks you listen (while trying to avoid getting in the shower or getting changed when he's on his rounds).
Betting: Big Shu to win the Grand National at 25/1 (Sky Bet)
Chelsea v Stoke City
First up it is an absolute joke Chelsea are playing this at such an hour given they have a massive Champions League QF return against PSG next Tuesday. The powers that be should have cut them some slack and given them time to prepare adequately. Much has been made about their lack of firepower and it may be left to Eden Hazard again to get them over the line here. The 23-year-old Belgian maverick has bagged 17 for his team so far this season and I like the look of him at 7s to score two or more at the Bridge.
Betting: Hazard to score 2+ goals at 7/1 (bet365)
Everton V Arsenal
Game of the weekend takes place at Goodison where plucky Everton still have eyes on a fourth place finish. to finish fourth and claim a Champions League berth they simply have to take maximum points here and I feel they can against an Arsenal side who have been struggling of late. Everton's home form is up there with anyone's and I sense they have the spirit and skill to get the job done here.
Betting: Both teams to score and Everton to win at 15/4 (Hills)
West Ham v Liverpool
It's nine wins off the belt for Liverpool, who are unbeaten in 2014 yet still 15/8 for the title. They are on an amazing run right now and scoring goals for absolute fun. Their forward line is like sh*te off a shovel. Fast, direct and skilful. I make them banker material here against West Ham and if Big Sam got some grief after a recent home win at Upton Park it will be worth observing the crowd reaction when the Reds run riot in Sunday's late game. Indeed he may be better served wearing a crash helmet rather than that daft earpiece he is normally so fond of when Messrs Suarez & Sturridge start their dance of destruction.
Betting: Liverpool (-2) to beat West Ham at 2/1 (bet365)