Our 'crazy uncle' Degsy's back after a summer of fun, and he's tipping United's shaky defence to concede and Yaya to start this season as he finished last...
And that little lot comes in at 68/1 so if he's right, he wants a picture of your tattoo with his name on your arse. He's not touching Man United at 5s that's for sure...
Cardiff City v Chelsea
You have to feel for Vincent Tan. He dumps years of tradition by switching Cardiff's colours from blue to red. Then dumps popular boss Malky Mackay. Then he dubs the British media "a little bit racist" and the end result sees the Bluebirds relegated from the top flight in ignominious fashion. I mean, seriously, how wrong can one man be? Chelsea come to town this weekend and while their title hopes have gone, they will still want to finish with a flourish and can win this to nil.
Betting: Chelsea to win to nil at 13/8 (Sky Bet)
Fulham v Crystal Palace
Never mind the fact the board panicked and hired three managers in one season. Never mind the fact that some members of the squad were older than Uncle Albert off Only Fools & Horses. Fulham were in fact relegated for knocking down Michael Jackson's statue, according to some media reports. Since getting rid of the King of Pop from outside Craven Cottage their win ratio is a lowly 25%. Apparently. Ergo I'm at a loss as to why Fulham are the favourites here (and don't think I'll be able to resist a punt on the Eagles at 15/8).
Betting: Crystal Palace to win at 15/8 (Bet Victor)
Hull City v Everton
It all looked so promising for Everton just a few weeks back but their small squad has come apart in recent weeks. I couldn't be smashing them with any degree of confidence here at just over evens but with Hull's players surely having one eye on the forthcoming FA Cup final I may have a few shekels on the boy Lukaku to score first. 17 goals this term and if this is his Everton swansong he can leave Goodison with his dreads (the dreads have gone - Ed) held high.
Betting: Lukaku to score first at 5/1 (Paddy Power)
Liverpool v Newcastle
The game is up for Liverpool, who looked like title winners until THAT Stevie Gerrard slip the other week. It's been a fantastic season for them but make no bones, there will be a strained, sombre atmosphere at Anfield and despite myself I might just tickle the Mags here at a whopping 14/1. Mental, I know, but before you start giving me grief, just remember who called Sunderland's win at Old Trafford recently. You t*ts.
Betting: Newcastle to win at 14/1 (Bet Victor)
Manchester City v West Ham
The Citizens can collect a second title in three seasons by avoiding defeat against West Ham this weekend and whether you think they've been the best team over the past nine months or not, history will remember them as such. It's been a thrilling title race and I fancy Pellegrini's troops to put things to bed in style here by winning a goalfest.
Betting: Both teams to score/Manchester City to win at 6/4 (Ladbrokes)
Norwich City v Arsenal
The Canaries can count themselves unlucky to be relegated but (barring a miracle) will be making trips to Brentford and Middlesbrough next season. Mesut Ozil bagged a brace in the reverse fixture and the tricky German schemer is worth a punt at Burlington Bertie to notch again.
Betting: Ozil to score anytime at 100/30 (Ladbrokes)
Southampton v Manchester United
It's been a crazy season for ManYoo fans. They started it as champions and before too long were reduced to laughing stocks after a string of sorry displays. They've waved ta-ra to Moyesie and now it looks like Louis van Gaal will be the man to lead them next season. I've lost count of the coupons they've busted in Chez Degsy but will give them one last shot at redemption here against a Saints side who have been a mixed bag in recent weeks.
Betting: Manchester United to win at 9/5 (Bet Victor)
Sunderland v Swansea
Hats off to Sunderland. Bottom of the league the night they were butchered 5-1 by Spurs on April 7, they then went on to put a run together that was schoolboys' own stuff and managed to avoid the drop with a game to spare! The SOL will be bouncing this weekend and the Black Cats 'bounce factor' should be enough to get them over the line against Swansea here at odds against.
Betting: Sunderland to win at 13/10 (Sky Bet)
Tottenham v Aston Villa
Spurs are on course for a fourth successive campaign in the Europa League and I can see no other outcome other than a resounding victory of a frankly p*ss-poor Villa. It's not 'will Spurs win here?'. It's by how many. My guess is three. With Tim Sherwood giving it large on the touch-line in a snazzy v-neck.
Betting: Tottenham to win 3-0 at 12/1 (Bet Victor)
West Brom v Stoke
West Brom have survived and with the pressure off I fancy them to roll Stoke here. I've been to West Bromwich and it's a bit of a sh*t hole. A nothing town full of ugly people. So ugly even the local paedos eat their own sweets. That said, they'll beat Stoke.
Betting: West Brom to win at 11/10 (Ladbrokes)