He would report all-out nuclear war and a Victor Moses loan deal with the same degree of hyperbole. Our man Johnny is still recovering from TDD...
* Arsenal have lost three consecutive PL games for the first time since March/April 2007.
* Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain made more chances (4) in 74 minutes than any other Arsenal player in the whole 90 minutes v Manchester United on Sunday.
* Johan Djourou made just one tackle and made one successful clearance (of four) in his 45 minutes v United. Nicholas Yennaris made four tackles and three successful clearances (of three) in his 45 minutes v United.
* Villa are unbeaten in their last five away games - only Manchester United boast better form on the road.
* James Collins and Richard Dunne made a combined total of 40 clearances v Wolves on Saturday.
* They have conceded ten goals from corners this season - more than any other PL side.
* Blackburn are the only Premier League club to have scored in every away game this season.
* Rovers had more possession (54%) and better pass accuracy than Everton at Goodison Park on Saturday.
* Of Blackburn's 13 'key passes' at Goodison Park, Morten Gamst Pedersen and Junior Hoilett made nine in total.
* Only Manchester City, United, Sunderland and Tottenham have picked up more points over the last six games than Bolton (10).
* Chris Eagles averages a club-high 2.9 shots per game for Bolton but he fired in six v Liverpool on Saturday.
* Mark Davies has the best pass completion of any Bolton player this season with 87.4%.
* Chelsea are still three points ahead of where Carlo Ancelotti's team were at the same stage last season (41 v 38).
* Ashley Cole recorded a 98% pass completion rate v Norwich on Saturday.
* Fernando Torres has now failed to score in over 15 hours of football for club and country.
* Louis Saha has not scored in his last 942 minutes of Premier League football.
* Royston Drenthe found an Everton teammate with three of his four crosses v Blackburn on Saturday during his 35-minute cameo.
* Marouane Fellaini made six of Everton's ten tackles v Blackburn.
* Fulham's 12 points from five games means that only Manchester City have better home form.
* Both Clint Dempsey and Bobby Zamora hit the target with all three shots v Newcastle on Saturday.
* Dempsey has taken 88 shots on the PL this season. No other Fulham player has taken more than 38.
* Craig Bellamy had four of Liverpool's five shots on target v Bolton on Saturday.
* Charlie Adam's pass completion rate was a woeful 59% v Bolton.
* Liverpool would be in 16th place of a Premier League table constructed from the last six games.
* David Silva has now claimed 12 PL assists this season. He has never before claimed more than seven in a league season in England or Spain.
*...But Samir Nasri has created more chances (2.9) per game than David Silva (2.8) this season.
* City have not dropped a PL point at the Etihad since February v Fulham.
* Manchester United have amassed more points away from home than at Old Trafford this season (26 v 25).
* Wayne Rooney did not have a single shot or create a single chance v Arsenal on Sunday.
* Antonio Valencia has been credited with eight assists in his last eight PL games.
* Newcastle United
* Newcastle threw away a half-time lead for the first time this season v Fulham.
* Shola Ameobi was reponsible for all four offside decisions that went against Newcastle on Saturday.
* Hatem Ben Arfa provided a goal and an assist in a game for the first time since he joined Newcastle.
* Norwich kept their first clean sheet of the season v Chelsea on Saturday.
* Zak Whitbread made six tackles and three interceptions v Chelsea.
* Norwich recorded their first 0-0 v Chelsea since January 2011 v Crystal Palace.
* QPR have not lost any of the six games they have been leading at half-time this season.
* Shaun Wright-Phillips has failed to score with 48 shots this season in the Premier League.
* Joey Barton had a woeful pass completion rate of just 50% v Wigan on Saturday. Midfielder partner Akos Buzsaky managed 91% and a goal.
* Stoke City
* Only Wolves, QPR and Wigan have worse records than Stoke over the last six PL games.
* In those six games, they have managed only nine shots on target.
* Cameron Jerome's goal v West Brom was their only attempt on target barring the saved penalty.
* Sunderland are third in the form table behind Manchester United and City over the last eight PL games since Martin O'Neill took over.
* They had 15 shots v Swansea on Saturday but only hit the target three times.
* They produced 27 tackles v Swansea without picking up a single yellow card.
* Six points from 11 games makes them the worst away side in the Premier League.
* Joshua McEachran fitted right in with a 96% pass completion rate on his Swansea debut.
* Ashley Williams had a phenomenal 121 touches v Sunderland - more than any other player this weekend.
* Tottenham have picked up just eight points from seven games against other members of the top seven this season.
* Jermain Defoe has scored a PL goal every 113 minutes of PL football this season. Emmanuel Adebayor's record stands at a goal every 189 minutes.
* Rafael Van der Vaart has scored just once in his last 12 PL games.
* West Brom have a better away record than any PL team outside the top four.
* The Baggies side that started v Stoke had previously only scored six PL goals this season.
* James Morrison had more shots this PL weekend than any other player with seven.
* Wigan have conceded eight penalties this season. Four have been saved.
* Victor Moses has been fouled more often than any other player in the Premier League this season with 55 fouls.
* Wigan have scored only 19 goals from 297 shots this season, giving them a goal every 15.6 shots.
* Wolves have picked up four points from their last eight games - making them the worst side in the Premier League on current form.
* They have thrown away a massive 11 points from winning positions that would put them comfortably in mid-table.
* Michael Kightly created more chances (3) than any other player during Wolves v Villa on Saturday.