It's not big or clever, but it might just get you through a day which is either wonderful or terrifying, depending on your taste. Pull up a chair, and unlock the booze cupboard...
Here is a full list of summer transfers in 2015. It's getting very busy now...
* Arsenal have only conceded goals to bottom-five PL teams in their last seven games.
* Robin van Persie had seven of Arsenal's 13 shots against Chelsea on Saturday.
* Aaron Ramsey recorded a 97% pass completion rate against the Blues but only one created a chance for a teammate.
* Alex McLeish's Birmingham had two points more at the same stage last season (38 v 36) and were still relegated.
* Villa have picked up only nine points from 12 games since February 1. Only Liverpool and Wolves have worse records.
* Villa centre-half Nathan Baker recorded a pass completion rate of just 44% against Sunderland.
* Junior Hoilett has scored in their last three PL victories - all of which ended 2-0.
* Morten Gamst Pedersen was the provider for four of Blackburn's shots v Norwich on Saturday.
* Goalkeeper Paul Robinson has a pass completion rate of 25.8%. The next worst PL goalkeeper is Simon Mignolet with 37.9%.
* Bolton have picked up just 11 of their 30 points this season against teams outside the bottom five.
* David Wheater blocked six Swansea shots at the Reebok on Saturday.
* Martin Petrov attempted 13 crosses v Swansea. One reached a teammate.
* Chelsea have conceded only one goal in five matches Gary Cahill and John Terry have started together this season.
* Chelsea have won only four of 16 PL games against top-half opposition this season.
* Florent Malouda created five chances for teammates at the Emirates but none were taken.
* Nikica Jelavic has scored seven goals from just 14 shots on target in his last six league and cup games.
* Midfielder Darron Gibson has lost only one of his last 34 club games for Manchester United and Everton.
* Everton won 72% of aerial duels with Manchester United, with Marouane Fellaini wining as many balls in he air (7) as the whole of the United team.
* Only the top four and Everton are above Fulham in a Premier League table from the 2012 calendar year.
* They have picked up 13 points from losing positions this season.
* Moussa Dembélé recorded a 97% pass completion rate v Wigan on Saturday. His average for the season (87.6%) is the highest of any regular Fulham player.
* Liverpool are 12th in the 'home' table below Sunderland, Swansea, Everton and Stoke.
* Liverpool have had more shots per game (17.5) than Manchester United (16.9) this season but manage fewer shots on target (5.5) than United (6.6).
* Andy Carroll won ten aerial duels and made eight chances for teammates v West Brom, but hit the target with only one of his six goal attempts.
* Man City have scored as many goals in their last three games (12) as in their previous eight.
* City have won the five PL games Carlos Tevez has started this season with an aggregate score of 17-1.
* David Silva recorded the worst pass completion rate (74%) of any outfield City player v Wolves.
* Manchester United have only conceded four goals at Old Trafford in a PL game three times in the last 20 years - v Liverpool, Manchester City and now Everton.
* Antonio Valencia did not find a teammate with seven attempted crosses v Everton. Nani found a teammate with four of his 11 crosses.
* Danny Welbeck managed a goal and assist v Everton for the first time since August v Tottenham.
* Newcastle United
* Papiss Cisse has now scored 11 PL goals in just 747 minutes of football for Newcastle at a goal every 68 minutes.
* Only Manchesters United and City have picked up more points than Newcastle (35) since December 26.
* Yohan Cabaye has created more chances per game (1.6) and completed more tackles per game (3.4) than any other Newcastle player this season.
* Norwich have scored just ten goals in their last ten games after 37 in their previous 25 matches.
* Aaron Wilbraham recorded an 11% pass completion rate v Blackburn. Only one of his nine passes found a teammate.
* Norwich play more long balls per game (75) than any other Premier League club.
* QPR's home record over their last five games (13 points) is the equal of both Manchester clubs and Newcastle.
* Joey Barton had QPR's best pass completion rate v Tottenham with 87%.
* 23 of QPR's 39 goals this season have been scored by players who helped them up from the Championship.
* Stoke City
* Stoke have picked up just three points (scoring just three goals) from their last eight away games.
* They had eight shots but none were on target v Newcastle on Saturday.
* Robert Huth has attempted more shots this season (36) than any other Stoke player barring Jonathan Walters and Peter Crouch.
* Sunderland have picked up just 11 points from their last 11 PL games - the same as Bolton and two less than Blackburn.
* They have failed to score in four consecutive PL games for the first time since March/April last year.
* Stephane Sessegnon has managed just two shots on target in his last ten Premier League games.
* Gylfi Sigurdsson took seven shots and created seven chances for teammates v Bolton at the Reebok on Saturday.
* Danny Graham has not scored in his last 761 minutes of PL football for Swansea.
* Swansea have picked up more points against top-half opposition (22) than fellow members of the bottom ten (21) this season.
* Only Wolves have worse form than Tottenham (six points) over the last nine PL games.
* Gareth Bale has taken 44 shots in his last ten PL games without scoring.
* Rafael van der Vaart created seven chances for teammates and had six shots v QPR but Spurs still did not score.
* West Brom's last five PL wins have featured a clean sheet.
* Victory over Liverpool was only their third (after Newcastle and Chelsea) against a top-half side this season.
* Jerome Thomas made seven of the Baggies' 26 tackles against Liverpool on Saturday.
Wigan have thrown away a massive 16 points from winning positions this season.
* They have picked up the same number of points (19) as Everton since the start of February.
* The Latics did not manage a single corner at Craven Cottage on Saturday.
* Wolves actually matched Manchester City for pass completion (83%) and enjoyed 53% of possession.
* No Wolves striker has scored in their last 834 minutes of PL football.
* Wolves have lost their last nine PL games at Molineux.