He would report all-out nuclear war and a Victor Moses loan deal with the same degree of hyperbole. Our man Johnny is still recovering from TDD...
1) In which season did Manchester United last finish outside the top two?
2) In which three seasons did Arsenal win the Premier League title?
1997/98, 2001/02 and 2003/04.
3) Who was the first manager to be sacked by a Premier League club after leading Chelsea to mid-table in February 1993?
4) Name Liverpool's six managers in the Premier League era.
Graeme Souness, Roy Evans, Gerard Houllier, Rafa Benitez, Roy Hodgson and Kenny Dalglish.
5) Who led Aston Villa to a runners-up spot in the inaugural Premier League?
6) Name Tottenham's five non-British permanent managers in the Premier League era.
Osvaldo Ardiles, Christian Gross, Jacques Santini, Martin Jol and Juande Ramos.
7) In which season did Everton finish in the top four of the Premier League for the only time?
8) Who scored 25 PL goals in the season that Newcastle blew a ten-point lead at the top of the PL?
9) Name either of the two non-British players who won the title with Blackburn in 1994/95.
Henning Berg or Robbie Slater.
10) Who was the manager when Manchester City were relegated in 2001?
11) Who was West Ham's top scorer when they recorded a fifth-placed finish in 1998/99?
12) Which Leeds player was PFA Young Player of the Year after they topped the league at the start of 2000?
13) How many times have Middlesbrough been relegated from the Premier League?
14) Name two of the three managers who contributed to Southampton's relegation season in 2004/05.
Paul Sturrock, Steve Wigley and Harry Redknapp.
15) Bolton finished level on points and sixth in the Premier League during which season?
16) Which strikers have been Fulham's record signing and record sale?
Steve Marlet and Louis Saha.
17) Which three managers were in charge of Sunderland during the disastrous 2002/03 season?
Peter Reid, Howard Wilkinson and Mick McCarthy.
18) Which strikers have been Coventry's record signing and record sale?
Craig Bellamy and Robbie Keane.
19) Who was Sheffield Wednesday's manager for the first three seasons of the Premier League?
20) For which player did Wimbledon pay a massive £7.5m for in 1999?