With the contemptuous sneer of a parent finding his teenage child has been sick in a wardrobe after an illicit drinking session, Johnny and Al present Neil Warnock...
The season is only three games old but Diego Costa has already proved he can fill the void in Chelsea's attack. Jose Mourinho will have to hope his hamstrings hold up...
What they need: The Rs have acted quickly to secure several experienced signings as they seek to consolidate their position in the top division. Mark Hughes will still be looking to add more quality in defence, though, while Joey Barton's 12-match suspension could see a new creative midfielder arrive. The arrival of Park Ji-Sung, who will presumably replace Shaun Derry in the centre, adds extra quality to the spine of the team.
What they're likely to get: The approach thus far has mainly been to snap up out-of-contract players on high wages and Blackburn's Junior Hoilett and former Everton midfielder Manuel Fernandes would both fit the bill. Hughes likes familiar faces, so loan moves for Stephen Ireland and David Bentley wouldn't be a surprise. QPR should have a sizeable, settled squad in time for the first match on August 18.
What's been said? Mark Hughes: "Getting business done early was always the aim. As soon as the season finished I was scouring Europe, going to France, Germany and Spain all in the space of six days, to look at players, with a view to getting business done early and getting in front of our rivals and setting a marker in terms of what we're trying to do here. Hopefully the early work we've done will reap benefits in the future."
What they need: After grafting their way back into the Premier League, Reading require more attacking flair if they are to avoid getting sucked into a relegation battle. Defensive reinforcements will also be sought as Brian McDermott looks to expand the Royals' squad ahead of his biggest managerial challenge.
What they're likely to get: Pavel Pogrebnyak is an excellent signing for a newly promoted club and indicates the wages new majority shareholder Anton Zingarevich is willing to offer. Danny Guthrie impressed in spells for Newcastle last season and adds Premier League nous in midfield. McDermott will probably sign another striker and dip back into the Championship for the best the Football League has to offer.
What's been said? "We have our targets and we will see what happens. We are trying to get players in, but with any good player there is always going to be competition to sign him from elsewhere."
What they need: Similar to Reading, Southampton require more Premier League quality if they are to avoid a struggle this season. Jay Rodriguez was impressive in the Championship for Burnley last year, but whether he and his new teammates can make the step up remains to be seen. Nigel Adkins appears to have made a new centre-back and goalkeeper priorities, while the midfield also needs strengthening. At the moment the squad is much of a muchness in terms of ability and fresh faces will aid the task ahead.
What they're likely to get: Reported interest in Scott Dann seems to make sense, while a £6million bid for Jack Butland has been rejected. Craig Gordon could be worth a one-year contract, and a loan deal for Emmanuel Frimpong, Oriol Romeu or another young midfielder at a top-six club would be a good, affordable move for the Saints. Alexander Buttner, who was part of Bert van Marwijk's preliminary Holland squad before the Euros, is close to joining Adkins' side, but rumoured interest in Leandro Damiao has to be the most bizarre speculation of the summer.
What's been said? Alexander Buttner: "I want to go to Southampton. It will be a big blow for me if this transfer won't work out. I've been in Southampton and everything over there is perfect. The club, the stadium, the way I've been received over there were all really surprising. Southampton have got big ambitions. With a new moneylender they want to follow Manchester City."
What they need: A new philosophy. Stoke's style under Tony Pulis may have established the club in the Premier League but after spending north of £20million last summer the team dropped a place in the final standings. Change is needed - and desired by some fans - with a ball-playing midfielder at the top of the wanted list.
What they're likely to get: Very little. It's unlikely Peter Coates will open the purse strings again after last year's investment resulted in a backwards step in the Premier League and the signing of Jamie Ness on a free transfer from Rangers indicates the area of the market Pulis will be shopping. A £4million move for Blackburn's Martin Olsson has been mooted, but Stoke would be better off targeting a creative partner for Wilson Palacios in central midfield.
What's been said? Chairman Peter Coates: "I think we will have to have some dealings. We can't keep pouring money in. We have invested over the last five or six years and we are in the top few clubs in terms of net investment. We made a big investment and now we expect trading to take place - i.e. some will come in and some will go out, and we have to generate enough for those coming in."
What they need: Now Asamoah Gyan has left, a new forward is Sunderland's biggest concern. The squad needs padding out, with a lack of numbers resulting in a disappointing run towards the end of last season.
What they're likely to get: Martin O'Neill will no doubt seek to get the best out of the players already at his disposal and this bodes well for Connor Wickham, who endured a troubled start to his Sunderland career. With Nicklas Bendtner returning to Arsenal and Gyan saying his goodbyes, a £10m move for Steven Fletcher could materialise, with Gaby Agbonlahor another option. Adam Johnson could benefit from a loan spell back in the north east and would inject more creativity into the team while Carlos Cuellar may not be the only defensive reinforcement.
What's been said? Martin O'Neill: "We will all come back refreshed and ready for pre-season. I'm looking forward to it and I'm hoping we can do something. I think the supporters have got a fair idea of what we need to try (to do) and build the team."
Matt Stanger - now available on Twitter.