He would report all-out nuclear war and a Victor Moses loan deal with the same degree of hyperbole. Our man Johnny is still recovering from TDD...
1) "Good start but let's not get carried away...37 to go. We've got tough games ahead," said which manager after his side's 2-1 win over Blackburn on the opening day?
2) Who scored on their Rovers debut in that match?
3) How many of the PL managers from the opening weekend of 2011/12 are managing the same club in the PL on the opening weekend of 2012/13?
Eight (Martin Jol, Alan Pardew, Arsene Wenger, David Moyes, Roberto Martinez, Tony Pulis, Sir Alex Ferguson and Roberto Mancini).
4) Who were Alex McLeish's two summer signings who went straight into their 0-0 draw with Fulham?
Shay Given and Charles N'Zogbia.
5) Liverpool fielded four debutants v Sunderland. Name them.
Jose Enrique, Charlie Adam, Stewart Downing and Jordan Henderson.
6) Whose cracking volley earned the Black Cats a point at Anfield?
7) Who immediately went to the top of the Premier League with a 4-0 win on the opening Saturday?
8) Who lasted all of seven minutes of his QPR debut that day?
9) Norwich began their Premier League season with a 1-1 draw against which team?
10) Spanish defender Adrian Lopez made a rare start that day for Wigan. By what five-letter name is he better known?
11) Which pair tangled in the Newcastle v Arsenal game - leading to a red card?
Gervinho and Joey Barton.
12) Which two unsettled Arsenal players did Arsene Wenger leave out of his squad for that Newcastle game?
Cesc Fabregas and Samir Nasri.
13) Which game was postponed due to the London riots?
Tottenham v Everton.
14) What was the result when it was eventually played in January?
Tottenham 2 Everton 0.
15) "They've got the squad to do well, they'll be in the top three again this year," said Tony Pulis after a 0-0 draw with which team?
16) Name the five players involved for Chelsea on that opening weekend who have since left the club.
Alex, Jose Bosingwa, Nicolas Anelka, Didier Drogba and Salomon Kalou.
17) Whose shot squirmed past David de Gea for his first conceded Premier League goal?
18) Which West Brom defender scored an own goal to give Manchester United their opening victory?
19) Who scored twice for Manchester City as they smashed Swansea 4-0 on the Monday night?
20) The Swans gave debuts to which three players that night?
Michel Vorm, Steven Caulker and Danny Graham.