Chappers doesn't patronize, talks like a human, does his research and he knows enough not to embarrass himself in any discussion. On top of that, he mocks Robbie Savage...
How much do you remember about David Moyes' Man United reign? Test yourself with 20 questions...
* Gervinho attempted 20 dribbles v Sunderland - the highest in a PL game since Ronaldo in 05/06. Ten of his dribbles were successful.
* Santi Cazorla created seven chances for his new Arsenal teammates at the Emirates - the most of any player over the weekend.
* Mikel Arteta made a phenomenal 119 passes with a 96% pass completion rate.
* Villa completed 550 passes v the Hammers on Saturday - more than Liverpool, Chelsea, Newcastle and Tottenham.
* ...But Darren Bent touched the ball just 15 times in 90 minutes.
* Aston Villa have failed to score in five of their last seven Premier League games.
* Chelsea had just six shots to Wigan's 14 at the DW Stadium on Sunday.
* Chelsea have recorded their first away victory in the Premier League since March v Aston Villa.
* Eden Hazard was fouled four times at Wigan but Charles N'Zogbia, Samba Diakite and Nathan Dyer were all fouled more in the opening weekend.
* Nikica Jelavic only managed a 44% pass completion rate against Manchester United. Only one outfield starter (Shane Long) had a lower rate over the opening weekend.
* Marouane Fellaini won nine aerial duels against Manchester United. Only Ryan Shawcross won more over the weekend.
* According to Opta, Everton had only 31% ball possession but still managed to beat Manchester United.
* Debutant Mladen Petric hit the target with all three of his shots v Norwich and emerged with two goals and an assist.
* Every single outfield starter for Fulham recorded a pass completion rate of 88% or above.
* Fulham have lost only one PL game at Craven Cottage in the whole of 2012.
* Liverpool hit the target with only two of their 16 shots v West Brom. Luis Suarez took exactly half those shots.
* Steven Gerrard had the worst pass completion rate of any outfield Liverpool player at West Brom (82%) and failed to reach a teammate with any of his six crosses.
* Joe Allen had a 96% pass completion rate and was accurate with all 11 of his long balls.
* Man City have won 24 of their last 25 home matches in the Premier League.
* Jack Rodwell completed 90 of his 93 passes v Southampton on Sunday. Unfortunately one of the misplaced passes led to a Southampton goal.
* Samir Nasri created five chances v Southampton and was rewarded with an assist.
* Five of United's starting eleven (Michael Carrick, Nemanja Vidic, Paul Scholes, Tom Cleverley and Shinji Kagawa) achieved a pass completion rate of over 90% against Everton. Only David de Gea managed less than 80%.
* Vidic committed three fouls and didn't complete a single successful tackle.
* Paul Scholes attempted 13 long passes - 12 of them found their targets.
* Newcastle United
* Newcastle have won eight of their last 11 Premier League games.
* Hatem Ben Arfa completed five dribbles for Newcastle v Spurs and was fouled three times.
* Centre-back James Perch recorded a rare 100% pass completion rate v Tottenham.
* Norwich have shipped 19 goals in their last six PL games.
* They won just 18% of their aerial duels v Fulham on Saturday.
* On his debut Michael Turner did not win a single ball in the air, failed with four of his seven attempted clearances, made one tackle, made three fouls and gave away one penalty.
* QPR had 21 shots (eight from Adel Taarabt) v Swansea but only four were on target.
* Taarabt and Park Ji-Sung both made five chances for teammates but none were taken.
* QPR attempted 25 crosses v Swansea but only two found another QPR player.
* Adam Le Fondre's equalising penalty was only Reading's second shot on target of the game against Stoke.
* Centre-half pair Kaspars Gorkss and Alex Pearce attempted a total of 34 clearances in 90 minutes.
* Reading won only 32% of their aerial duels v Stoke.
* Rickie Lambert and Steven Davis scored with Southampton's only shots on target v Manchester City.
* Despite only having 36% possession at the Etihad they still completed more passes than Tottenham this weekend.
* The Saints made a massive 26 tackles v City, with Morgan Schneiderlin and Nathaniel Clyne making six each.
* Stoke City
* Stoke recorded a rotten 62% pass completion rate at Reading with Ryan Shawcross dipping under 50% with 47% success.
* ...But Shawcross won 11 aerial duels.
* Stoke have not won an away game in the Premier League since January 2 at Blackburn.
* Sunderland attempted four shots to Arsenal's 23 at the Emirates.
* Lee Cattermole was dribbled around a massive eight times v the Gunners.
* Sunderland have failed to score in six of their last eight Premier League games.
* Swansea scored with five of their six shots on target at Loftus Road.
* Michu had four shots v QPR - two were goals and one hit the woodwork.
* Wayne Routledge is already halfway towards last season's total of four Premier League assists.
* Lone striker Jermain Defoe took seven of Tottenham's 15 shots at Newcastle.
* Aaron Lennon recorded a 100% pass completion rate v Newcastle (note: this does not include crosses).
* The only team Spurs have beaten away from home in the PL during 2012 is Bolton.
* West Brom's two defensive midfielders Claudio Yacob and Youssuf Mulumbu managed 96% and 95% pass completion rates at the Hawthorns v Liverpool.
* Nine Baggies created chances for teammates in comparison to five Liverpool players.
* The Baggies beat Liverpool 3-0 despite having only 40% of possession at the Hawthorns.
* West Ham beat Aston Villa 1-0 despite having just 34% possession at home.
* Centre-back pairing James Collins and Winston Reid were successful with all of their 11 attempted clearances v Villa.
* They completed just 265 passes v Villa - just one more than Stoke City.
* Wigan hit the target with only four of their 14 shots v Chelsea on Sunday.
* New Wigan defender Iván Ramis made more fouls (2) than clean tackles (1).
* The Latics have won only one of their opening-weekend games in the Premier League - v Everton in 2009/10.