It's not big or clever, but it might just get you through a day which is either wonderful or terrifying, depending on your taste. Pull up a chair, and unlock the booze cupboard...
Here is a full list of summer transfers in 2015. It's getting very busy now...
* Arsenal have kept three consecutive Premier League clean sheets for the first time since February/March 2011.
* Arsenal made 32 tackles v Liverpool on Sunday - more than any team in any PL game so far this season.
* Olivier Giroud completed just six of his 20 passes v Liverpool.
* Aston Villa have not won any of their last 13 Premier League games.
* Only Gareth Bale (11) has taken more shots than Darren Bent (9) this season without scoring a goal.
* Barry Bannan attempted nine crosses v Newcastle on Sunday and an impressive five reached a teammate.
* Only Manchester United (54) have taken more shots than Everton (53) this season.
* They hit the target with only one of their 13 shots v West Brom on Saturday.
* Leighton Baines has created more chances for teammates (16) than any other PL player this season.
* Fulham have won only four of 50 Premier League London derbies away from home.
* Fulham have only scored 11 goals in their last 16 Premier League away games.
* Dimitar Berbatov created five chances for his new Fulham teammates in just 45 minutes at West Ham.
* Liverpool took 58 minutes to record their first shot on target v Arsenal on Sunday.
* Joe Allen has a 94.1% pass completion rate this season but has created just once chance. Steven Gerrard's pass completion rate is 80.3% but he has created 11 chances for teammates.
* Only Newcastle (76) have played more long balls per game than Liverpool (70) so far this season.
* Man City have conceded five goals from eight shots on target from the opposition in their first three games.
* City are unbeaten at home in the Premier League since December 2010.
* Joleon Lescott has been accurate with 131 of 133 passes so far this season.
* Robin van Persie has scored 52 goals in his last 58 PL games.
* Michael Carrick attempted 126 passes v Southampton on Sunday - more than double the total of his nearest teammate Nemanja Vidic (58).
* Manchester United attempt more crosses per game (32) than any other PL side.
* Newcastle United
* Newcastle have lost only one PL game at St James' Park in 2012 (v Manchester City).
* Demba Ba had five shots v Aston Villa on Sunday without hitting the target.
* Jonas Gutierrez has been fouled more times (11) than any other player in the PL this season.
* Sébastien Bassong has won 13 of his 17 aerial duals in two PL games for Norwich.
* Three of Norwich's four on-target shots v Tottenham were from former Leeds players Bradley Johnson and Robert Snodgrass.
* Norwich have won only one of their last eight games in the Premier League - at home to Aston Villa on the final game of the season.
* QPR have not won any of their last 15 away games in the Premier League.
* Bobby Zamora has scored QPR's only two goals of the season from just four shots.
* Mark Hughes' QPR have shipped nine goals in three PL games. Neil Warnock's QPR had shipped just six goals in three games at the start of last season.
* Rickie Lambert has contributed to more goals this season (two goals, one assist) than any other English striker.
* Lambert made five chances for teammates on Sunday v Manchester United.
* Morgan Schneiderlin has made more interceptions (13) than any other PL player this season including six v Manchester United.
* Stoke City
* Stoke drew 2-2 at Wigan on Saturday with just 31% possession.
* Robert Huth completed four passes (of six attempts) in 90 minutes at Wigan. He made the same number of interceptions.
* New signing Geoff Cameron has made a massive 15 tackles in just two games for Stoke.
* Sunderland's two goals this season have come from their only two shots on target.
* Steven Fletcher has scored with his only two shots as a Sunderland player.
* Sunderland have not won any of their last ten Premier League games.
* Swansea have lost only one of their last eight Premier League games.
* Michu has scored four goals from just eight shots as a Premier League player.
* Nathan Dyer's record v Sunderland: Four shots (three on target, one goal) four potential assists (one converted) and a 97% pass completion rate (excluding crosses).
* Jermain Defoe has taken 17 shots so far this season - the same number as Luis Suarez in his first three games.
* Gareth Bale has taken more shots this season (11) than any other player without scoring.
* Jan Vertonghen won 11 aerial battles, made three tackles, two interceptions and ten successful clearances v Norwich on Saturday.
* West Brom have conceded just one goal in three games. At the same stage last season, they had conceded five goals.
* Third-placed West Brom have averaged only 41.7% possession this season - less than Southampton, Norwich and QPR.
* Claudio Yacob made five of his team's nine tackles v Everton on Saturday.
* West Ham have committed more fouls this season (48) than any other PL side.
* Andy Carroll won nine aerial duels and committed four fouls v Fulham on Saturday.
* Mark Noble made seven tackles and recorded a 98% pass completion rate v Fulham.
* Franco di Santo has now scored five goals in his last eight PL appearances.
* Maynor Figueroa has misplaced 39 passes this season - the most in the PL along with Peter Crouch.
* Wigan have enjoyed more possession this season (56.7%) than Tottenham or Liverpool.