Famous, not to say legendarily well-known, notorious and generally celebrated for posing interview questions that take the form of long sentences with...
As the Premier League season reaches its denouement, we bring you 20 questions regarding the final day...
* Olivier Giroud has the worst pass completion rate of any outfield player in the Premier League this season at a woeful 46.9%. Only 30 of his 64 passes have reached an Arsenal teammate.
* Mikel Arteta has the best pass completion rate of any first-choice player in the Premier League this season with 93.4%.
* Goalscorer Laurent Koscielny made two 'last man saving tackles' v Manchester City on Sunday - as many as any other PL player has made all season.
* Aston Villa have won one of their last 15 Premier League games.
* Darren Bent was the only Villa player to have a shot on target v Southampton on Saturday.
* ...but Bent completed ony five passes in 90 minutes.
* Chelsea attempted 28 crosses v Stoke on Saturday but only two reached a teammate.
* Juan Mata created five chances v Stoke and was rewarded with his first assist of the season.
* Only Jonás Gutiérrez (16) has been fouled more times than Eden Hazard (15) in the PL this season.
* Leighton Baines has created more chances for teammates (24) than any other PL player this season. He attempted a massive 13 crosses (six accurate) v Swansea.
* Everton have had more shots this season (102) than any other team. They had 31 v Swansea.
* The last time Victor Anichebe scored in a PL game he started was in March 2010.
* Fulham have drawn only one of their last 20 PL games.
* Fulham have only had one better PL start in 12 seasons - in 2002/03 when they had ten points after five games and were in fith.
* Bryan Ruiz has assisted three of the Cottagers' 12 goals this season despite starting only two PL games.
* Luis Suarez has scored twice from 30 shots in the PL this season. Jermain Defoe is the only player to have taken more shots (31, four goals).
* Liverpool substitutes Suso, Jordan Henderson and Jamie Carragher all recorded 100% pass completion rates v Manchester United.
* Joe Allen has played just two 'key passes' in five PL games for Liverpool while Steven Gerrard has created 13 chances for teammates.
* Man City have conceded seven goals from 14 shots on target from the opposition in their first five games.
* Man City made an astonishing 38 tackles v Arsenal on Sunday with Pablo Zabaleta (8) leading the charge.
* City were credited with only 41% possession v Arsenal. Yaya Toure touched the ball 78 times to Mikel Arteta's 119.
* Michael Carrick is the only Man United player to have started all five PL games this season.
* Nani completed just 11 passes and no crosses in 45 minutes v Liverpool on Sunday.
* Only three of United's starting XI v Liverpool (Antonio Valencia, Nani and Patrice Evra) had been credited with an assist this season. Shinji Kagawa joined them with his chest-down for Rafael's goal.
* Newcastle United
* Demba Ba has scored 20 goals in 39 PL games for Newcastle.
* Papiss Cisse has taken 12 shots this season without scoring a single goal.
* Hatem Ben Arfa has completed more dribbles than any other PL player this season (20).
* Norwich have scored the lowest number of goals in the PL this season (2).
* Jonny Howson picked up their first yellow card of the season in the 88th minute v Newcastle.
* John Ruddy has by far the worst distribution of any PL keeper - only 34.9% of his passes have reached a teammate this season.
* QPR had seven points after five games under Neil Warnock at the start of last season. This season they have two points.
* Bobby Zamora is the only QPR player to score this season - with three of his seven shots.
* Jamie Mackie came off the bench v Spurs in the 77th minute and touched the ball once.
* Reading have recorded only nine shots on target in four PL games.
* Garath McCleary has found a teammate with just two of 23 crosses this season.
* Chris Gunter is the only outfield player who has failed to take a shot for Reading this season.
* Rickie Lambert has scored four goals from just 11 shots in the Premier League.
* Morgan Schneiderlin has made more interceptions (22) than any other PL player this season.
* Gastón Ramírez and Adam Lallana created five chances each v Aston Villa on Saturday.
* Stoke City
* A massive 47% of Stoke's attacks have come down the right-hand side this season - the highest of any PL side.
* Ryan Shawcross made six tackles, two interceptions, five effective clearances, two blocks and a 95% pass completion rate v Chelsea on Saturday.
* Stoke have not won any of their last 11 PL games.
* Sunderland's four goals this season have come from just six shots on target.
* Sunderland have recorded an average 34.3% possession this season - lower than Stoke.
* Sunderland have not won a Premier League game since March 24. 12 games ago.
* Michu has committed more fouls this season than any other PL player barring Marouane Fellaini.
* Swansea committed 23 fouls v Everton on Saturday.
* Danny Graham has not managed a shot on target in his last three PL games for Swansea.
* Jermain Defoe has taken 31 shots so far this season - the most of any player in the Premier League.
* Gareth Bale has created more chances than any other PL player this season (15) without an assist.
* Bale attempted 13 crosses v QPR and found a teammate an impressive eight times.
* Gareth McAuley has won an impressive 14 of 18 aerial duels this season.
* Chris Brunt was responsible for 17 of West Brom's attempted 29 crosses v Reading on Saturday.
* Claudio Yacob has recorded an impressive 90.9% pass completion rate this season.
* Mark Noble has made more tackles (30) than any other PL player this season. He made eight v Sunderland on Saturday.
* The Hammers attempted 42 crosses v Sunderland on Saturday, with Noble lobbing in 16 crosses.
* Carlton Cole won an impressive 11 aerial duels v Sunderland but his pass completion rate was a woeful 41%.
* Wigan actually had one more point (5) at the same stage last season.
* Wigan had 64% possession, 83% pass accuracy and 19 shots v Fulham but still lost 2-1.
* Jean Beausejour attempted a massive 17 crosses v Fulham - three found a Latics teammate.