The boys try and take a look at Alan Irvine's appearances on TV but keep dropping off. Never before has a man been too dull to even use cliches. It's not good...
* In 61 minutes on the pitch against West Ham, Gervinho attempted just 19 passes (14 of which found their target), no crosses, completed no successful dribbles, created no chances and tried no shots.
* Mikel Arteta attempted 111 passes on Saturday. West Ham's midfield five attempted 122.
* Santi Cazorla tried a whopping 17 crosses against West Ham.
* Before being substituted after 66 minutes, Marc Albrighton attempted just 14 passes and had only 22 touches of the ball against Tottenham.
* Villa have now lost 12 of their last 23 PL games - winning just two.
* Villa have received 15 yellow cards for fouls - the most in the Premier League.
* Chelsea are the only team to have more than one player booked for diving this season. They were David Luiz and Oscar.
* Chelsea recorded an impressive 91% pass completion rate against Norwich.
* In addition, only three players - David Luiz, Oscar and Fernando Torres - dropped below 90%.
* Everton have attempted 141 shots in their seven games so far - the most in the Premier League.
* Leighton Baines has made the most 'key passes' in the Premier League this season with 30 in seven games.
* Maroaune Fellaini has committed 24 fouls - the most in the division.
* The 2-2 draw with Southampton was Fulham's first draw in the PL since April.
* Two of Kieran Richardson's seven touches v Southampton were shots - one of which resulted in a goal.
* There were no offsides in the whole game at St Mary's.
* Luis Suarez has now taken 40 shots in his seven games - the highest in the division.
* Joe Allen attempted nine long balls against Stoke and eight found their target. Steven Gerrard completed four out of seven.
* Liverpool have won only two PL games at Anfield in the whole of 2012.
* Saturday was the first clean sheet City have kept this season. They kept 17 last season.
* Against Sunderland, Mario Balotelli had three shots (none on target), touched the ball only 21 times, was dispossessed four times but did have a 100% pass completion rate. So that's something.
* James Milner - of all people - made seven 'key passes' against Sunderland.
* Manchester United are the only team yet to draw a game this season.
* United have never lost a PL game in which they have led by two or more goals. Sunday was the 334th out of 344 they have won.
* Rio Ferdinand attempted six long balls against Newcastle and they all found their target. He has the best pass completion rate of the season so far in the PL at 94.3%.
* Newcastle have attempted the most long passes per game in the Premier League this season with 76.
* Newcastle have taken just three shots from inside the six-yard box this season.
* Papiss Cisse has taken more shots than any other PL player this season (16) without scoring a goal.
* Norwich are one of two teams not to have scored from a set-piece of any description (including penalties). Swansea are the other.
* Bradley Johnson has been dribbled around more times (14) than any other PL player this season.
* Norwich have now won just once in their last 12 PL games (v Aston Villa in May), losing six.
* QPR players have have been fouled 104 times this season - the most in the PL.
* QPR have picked up three points from a possible 51 away from home in their last 17 away-days.
* No QPR player has attempted more shots or completed more dribbles than Adel Taarabt this season despite him starting only two PL games.
* Reading have thrown away seven points from winning positions this season.
* Jobi McAnuff has been credited with assisting three of Reading's eight goals this season.
* Pavel Pogrebnyak has scored eight goals from just 11 on target in the PL for Fulham and Reading.
* Three of the seven players booked for removing their shirts in celebration this season have been Saints players - Danny Fox, Jose Fonte and Nathaniel Clyne.
* After taking the lead then drawing with Fulham, Southampton have now dropped 11 points from winning positions.
* Adam Lallana now has four assists for the season - level with Juan Mata and Eden Hazard.
* Contrary to what you might think, Stoke are 14th in the list of most long balls played with 60 per game. That's fewer than Liverpool, Tottenham and Chelsea.
* A little more predictably, they have attempted the fewest short passes in the division - averaging 231 per game.
* Only two of Stoke's six goals this season have come from open play.
* Sunderland have only had 11 shots on target this season. The next worst is Reading with 19 (explained to an extent as these teams have played a game fewer than everyone else).
* Only 20% of the play in Sunderland's games has taken place in their opposition's third of the pitch.
* Stephane Sessegnon and James McClean have been dispossesed 28 and 27 times respectively this season - the top two in the Premier League.
* Swansea have averaged more possession (59.3%) this season than any other PL club.
* Ki Sung-Yueng and Ashkey Williams both attempted five of Swansea's 24 shots v Reading on Saturday.
* Danny Graham completed just five passes in his 45 minutes v Reading.
* 2009/10 was the only PL season in which Spurs had amassed more than their current total of 14 points after seven games.
* Brad Friedel last missed a league game in May 2004, when he didn't appear in Blackburn's final two games of that season against Tottenham and Birmingham. A pulled stomach muscle, since you ask.
* Hugo Lloris' pass completion rate v Villa was 68.8%. Brad Friedel's for the season is 54.1%.
* West Brom and Chelsea are the only two PL clubs to have a 100% record at home.
* James Morrison has created 14 chances for teammates this season without being credited with an assist.
* Zoltan Gera has hit the target with five of his eight shots for West Brom this season.
* Mark Noble has made 34 tackles this season - the most by any individual player.
* He has also created the most chances (15) in the Premier League without being credited with an assist.
* Andy Carroll won a massive 17 aerial duels against Arsenal, whose players won 18 in total.
* Arouna Koné has scored or assisted five of Wigan's seven PL goals this season.
* Wigan's five points from seven games equals their worst-ever PL start.
* Gary Caldwell was accurate with only two of his eight attempted long balls v Everton on Saturday.
NIck Miller and Sarah Winterburn