He would report all-out nuclear war and a Victor Moses loan deal with the same degree of hyperbole. Our man Johnny is still recovering from TDD...
1) Paul Breitner won the European Cup with which club?
2) Which of the following is true about Alexei Lalas's band 'The Gypsies'; a) They supported Counting Crows on tour, b) They supported The Spin Doctors on tour, c) They supported Hootie & the Blowfish on tour.
3) George Berry is probably most closely associated with Wolves, but which club did he actually make nearly twice as many appearances for?
4) Which bearded defender, currently playing in England, appeared in the 2004 Champions League final?
5) Who does Olof Mellberg currently play for?
6) How old was Socrates when he turned out for Garforth Town? (We'll give you three years either way.)
7) Name the teams Abel Xavier played for in England, in chronological order.
8) Which bearded German defender did Real Madrid sign in 2007?
9) Why did Daniele De Rossi call a press conference for the Italian media in the summer?
10) What's the first name of Bulgarian bearded defender Ivanov?
11) Which bearded defender had a fight with Zlatan Ibrahimovic at AC Milan that ended with the big Swede suffering a cracked rib?
12) Why might Ricky Villa have been particularly motivated to do well in the 1981 FA Cup final replay, in which he scored his famous goal against Manchester City?
13) Why was the usually clean-shaven Alan Cork sporting a massive beard in the 1993 FA Cup semi-final against Sheffield Wednesday?
14) Alex Song is one of how many children?
15) Where is Gennaro Gattuso currently playing?
16) Which bearded former Coventry defender was Kevin Keegan's first signing at Newcastle?
17) George Best signed permanently and played (in competitve games) for four British teams other than Manchester United - name them.
18) Name the actress who played Diane, the lady who Mark Renton makes sweet, sweet love to in the film 'Trainspotting', an act he compared to Archie Gemmill scoring against Holland in 1978.
19) Which national team did Andre Villas-Boas coach while aged just 21?
20) Peter Withe won the Division One title with two different clubs - name them.
Done? This way for the answers.