With the contemptuous sneer of a parent finding his teenage child has been sick in a wardrobe after an illicit drinking session, Johnny and Al present Neil Warnock...
The season is only three games old but Diego Costa has already proved he can fill the void in Chelsea's attack. Jose Mourinho will have to hope his hamstrings hold up...
* Arsenal have picked up one point from a possible 15 in games against the top three in the Premier League.
* Abou Diaby was dispossessed five times by Chelsea players at Stamford Bridge on Sunday.
* Olivier Giroud has had 20 shots in his last four games for Arsenal without scoring a goal.
* If games ended after 45 minutes, Villa would be in sixth place ahead of Tottenham, Liverpool and Arsenal. They have won just two of the seven games they have been winning at half-time in the Premier League.
* Christian Benteke has been involved in more aerial duels (268) than any other player in the Premier League this season. He has won 16 aerial duels in each of his last two games.
* Charles N'Zogbia registered two assists v West Brom for the first time since September 2007 for Newcastle v West Ham.
* Ramires logged nine tackles, three interceptions and three effective clearances v Arsenal.
* Chelsea have picked up 21 points in their 11 PL games under Rafa Benitez. If they beat Reading in their next fixture, his record will match that of Roberto di Matteo from the first 12 matches of the season.
* Oscar was dispossessed more times (5) than the rest of his team put together (4) v Arsenal on Sunday.
* After a PL record of 16 consecutive games of both teams scoring, Everton have recorded two consecutive 0-0s for the first time since February 2008.
* Everton recorded a 69% pass completion rate v Southampton - down on a season average of 79%.
* Leighton Baines has not recorded an assist in his last 18 PL games.
* Fulham had 55% possession v Man City but managed just two (off-target) shots.
* Fulham's outfield players attempted 32 long balls v City and an impressive 28 reached a teammate.
* Of the players to have been involved in 50-plus aerial duels in the PL this season, Fulham's Brede Hangeland has the best success rate (76%).
* The Reds have still not beaten a team currently in the top half of the Premier League.
* Liverpool have finally moved into top spot of the PL possession charts with an average of 59.4%.
* Steven Gerrard attempted a massive 23 long balls v Norwich and was successful with an impressive 20. He averages 8.2 successful long balls per game - the highest of any outfield player in the PL this season.
* Only two visitors to the Etihad in the PL this season have had superior pass completion and possession: Arsenal and Fulham.
* David Silva scored two goals and played six key passes in a virtuoso performance v Fulham.
* City have conceded just nine goals in 12 Premier League games at home this season.
* Man United had only five shots against Tottenham on Sunday - their joint-lowest tally in a PL match in the last four seasons.
* Wayne Rooney managed only a 64% pass completion rate when he came off the bench v Spurs.
* Robin van Persie was the only player to record a shot on target on Sunday. He was also caught offside six times.
* Newcastle United
* Newcastle have thrown away a massive 16 points from winning positions this season.
* They have picked up just four points from their last eight PL games - making them the worst team in the top flight on current form.
* Sylvain Marveaux had reached a teammate with three of his four crosses before being substituted v Reading.
* Norwich have conceded five goals in each of the three PL games missed by Sebastien Bassong this season.
* No Norwich striker has had a shot on target in their last six PL games.
* No PL player has been dribbled around more times this season than Bradley Johnson (38).
* QPR are yet to win a single game they were winning at half-time this season.
* QPR have had their players caught offside more times this season (71) than any other team in the Premier League this season.
* QPR's 58% pass completion rate v West Ham featured a 26% rate recorded by Nedum Onuoha.
* Reading's first shot on target came in the 71st minute v Newcastle. They scored from their only two shots on target.
* Adam Le Fondre has now scored eight PL goals from just 39 shots. Sergio Aguero has reached the same total from 59 shots.
* Hope Akpan now has a record of one PL assist in one PL appearance after his miskick fell to Le Fondre for Reading's winner v Newcastle.
* Southampton's record of 11 points from eight games puts them in ninth in the form table.
* Only five of their 23 points this season have been picked up against top-half sides.
* Jason Puncheon was accurate with four of his seven crosses v Everton on Monday. He's the only Saints player to average more than one accurate cross per game this season.
* Stoke have conceded 13 goals in their last four PL games. They had conceded the same number of goals in their previous 18 PL games.
* They have scored just two goals in their last five away from the Britannia Stadium.
* Jonathan Walters touched the ball just 30 times v Swansea and failed to have a shot or set up a scoring chance.
* Sunderland have scored six PL goals in the two games started by David Vaughan this season.
* Steven Fletcher has scored ten goals from just 21 shots on target in the Premier League this season.
* Only Fletcher and Robin van Persie has reached double figures for PL goals in each of the last three seasons.
* Ben Davies made four tackles and five interceptions as well as scoring for Swansea v Stoke.
* Only Mikel Arteta has recorded a better pass completion rate (92.6%) than Ki Sung-Yueng (92.5%) this season.
* Swansea have scored only ten of their 34 PL goals in the first halves of games this season.
* Gareth Bale had seven shots v Man United - six came from outside the box. Bale did not set up a single chance v United while Aaron Lennon played six key passes.
* Jermain Defoe had a 100% pass completion rate v United but that only equated to eight passes.
* Eden Hazard, Aaron Lennon, Lukas Podolski and Juan Mata have the joint most assists (6) from open play in the PL this season.
* West Brom had 29 shots v Aston Villa. Romelu Lukaku had six shots without hitting the target.
* Claudio Yacob and his replacement Jerome Thomas both recorded 100% pass completion rates v Villa.
* The Baggies have the third best home record in the Premier League this season behind Manchester United and Manchester City.
* West Ham attempted a massive 57 crosses QPR with Joe Cole (22) and Matthew Jarvis (21) dominating the flanks.
* The Hammers have two of the top four players in the PL 'average tackle' chart in Momo Diame and Mark Noble.
* West Ham have recorded more fouls per game (13.2) than any other PL club this season.
* Wigan have averaged more possession this season (54.5%) than Everton or Tottenham.
* They are four points better off than the same stage last season and have scored five more goals.
* Shaun Maloney created five chances v Sunderland and now tops the club's assist charts along with Arona Kone (5).