F365's 20 Transfer Window Wishes...

It hasn't been the most exciting Janaury transfer window so far, but we're looking forward to a final week of fun and games. Here's a list of things we hope will happen...

Last Updated: 24/01/13 at 16:31 Post Comment

Latest Articles

F365's Complete List Of January Transfers

Post comment

All the Premier League ins and outs in one place...

Football People On TV: Thierry Henry

33 comments

He's handsome, he's sexy, he was absolutely sodding amazing at the football...but our boys are a bit uncomfortable with default reverence. He's a pundit...

All Articles

* It's revealed that Mohamed Diame's release clause dictates that any bidder must provide a scarf dance for Sam Allardyce. Arsene Wenger reluctantly agrees. Now he really knows.

* Jim White loses his voice and is forced to present deadline day with a series of flash cards.

* Gary Cotterill completely loses it and kicks one of the urchins gathered at Spurs Lodge.

* A terrible mix-up sees Newcastle sign a wolf's penis for £7million.

* Southampton offer Anderlecht £6million for Lucas Biglia, but it turns out the prince of transfer rumours doesn't actually exist. Nicola Cortese releases a statement blaming Nigel Atkins. An exasperated Nigel Adkins screams at the TV "It's ADkins, for Christ's sake. ADkins."

* David Villa rejects Arsenal to join Aston Villa in a sensational £15million move. Clutching a teddy bear at his unveiling, he giggles: "My name's Villa and their name's Villa. Tee hee."

* At 22:55 on the 31st, Man City staff in the Etihad stadium are startled by the shrill neigh of a horse. They look through the window to see a naked Garry Cook riding a stallion through a wall of flames with Kaka strapped to the steed's back. "How are you brother?" screams Cook. "I've got him. I've finally got him."

* Man City accept a bid from Reading for Scott Sinclair, but the winger rejects the move and tries to convince everyone that he and David Silva are the real SAS. Silva has to ask who Sinclair is.

* Ian McGarry correctly predicts a major transfer.

* Daniel Levy sells Zeki Fryers to Manchester United for £16million before buying him back an hour later for £150,000. No-one can explain how the transfer transpired, but David Gill is found in his office sobbing and mumbling 'black magic' over and over.

* Newcastle fans continue to jeer Alan Pardew, but in his post-match interview he claims supporters were shouting 'Boooooulangerie' to celebrate the club's new French legion.

* It turns out Yoann Gouffran isn't French after all. Graham Carr kneecaps him.

* Sebastian Squillaci bursts into Arsene Wenger's press conference on the back of a Shetland pony cackling "I'm still here! I'm still here!" He departs sheepishly after Wenger shouts "Please Sebastian, what have I told you?"

* Swansea sign Kenwyne Jones from Stoke. At the striker's unveiling, Michael Laudrup begins to pull at his face, tearing the skin. A sprout of red hair sticks out, and then a Scottish nostril, before eventually the mask is completely ripped apart to reveal a grinning Alex McLeish. "You can never escape me!" he roars, before running outside and flying away in a hot air balloon.

* Sunderland agree a deal for Danny Graham but pull out of the transfer after a medical reveals he has 'weird nipples'.

* Norwich agree a £6million fee for Gary Hooper.

* Harry Redknapp, dressed head-to-toe in cowboy gear, waddles over to greet reporters at the gate to QPR's training ground. "Well hey there purdy ladies," he says suggestively. "Harry?" asks one of the startled journalists. "That's right. H-A-R-R-Y. The H is silent."

* Arsene Wenger celebrates a double swoop after signing South African striker Two-Boys Gumede.

* Liverpool sell Andy Carroll to Tesco. LOL. Coz he's like a horse!

* Sir Alex Ferguson signs Victor Wanyama "to fix the right-wing problem".

Matt Stanger - he's on the Twitter.

Football365 Facebook Fan Page

The Football365 fan page is a great place to meet like minded people, have football related discussions and make new friends.

Most Commented

Readers' Comments

O

ne of the conclusions from this list is that Man City should never buy a striker in January - good luck Wilfried Bony....

Savinator
F365's Top Ten Worst January Panic Buys

I

was there, it was embarrassing - the team looked totally unbalanced from the off, the defence was woeful and when Mikel came off injured it got even worse with nobody in front of them. Up front on several occasions we had opportunities and nobody would shoot - it was a complete farse! On the back of Salah's performance I'm glad there is talk of getting shot...

Fly1ngh1gh
Cup defeat shames Mourinho

G

reat to see Tommy Rosicky getting some love. A wonderful player. Such a pity we lost so long to injury. I was so excited when we signed him, this resurgence only makes the absences seem more of a lost opportunity.

cheshire-gooner
16 Conclusions: FA Cup Fourth Round Weekend

Latest Photos

Footer 365

Transfer news: Samuel Eto'o leaves Everton for Sampdoria on free transfer

Samuel Eto'o has completed his free transfer from Everton to Sampdoria on a two-and-a-half-year deal.

Premier League: Stoke striker Bojan will miss remainder of the season through injury

Stoke forward Bojan will miss the remainder of the season after sustaining a knee ligament injury against Rochdale.

Sky sources: Football Association to endorse Prince Ali's bid for FIFA presidency

Sky sources understand the Football Association will back Prince Ali Bin Al Hussein's bid to become FIFA president.

Mail Box

The Problem With FA Cup Shocks...

...is that the draw for the next round is pretty shocking. Blackburn v Stoke, anybody? We also have mails on LVG and ManUnited, who drew plenty under Fergie...

You're Man Utd, For Crying Out Loud!

Defending a 0-0 draw with Cambridge on the grounds that other teams lost to lower-league opposition is not befitting of Man United. We're inclined to agree with Mailboxers...

© 2015 Sky Ltd. All Rights Reserved A Sky Sports Digital Media company