He would report all-out nuclear war and a Victor Moses loan deal with the same degree of hyperbole. Our man Johnny is still recovering from TDD...
1. Which midfielder has made the most fouls in the Premier League this season?
2. Where did Southampton midfielder Jack Cork begin his career?
3. From which Spanish club did Wigan sign Mohamed Diame in 2009?
4. Name the only Reading midfielder to play in every Premier League game this season.
5. How many times has Mikel Arteta been capped by Spain?
6. Mousa Dembele scored his only Premier League goal for Spurs when he made his debut against which team?
7. Which Manchester United midfielder has received the joint-highest number of yellow cards at the club this season?
8. I say Bobby Tambling, you say which Premier League midfielder's name?
9. Which midfielder has made the most tackles in the Premier League this season?
10. After his successful loan spell at Liverpool, where is Nuri Sahin now playing?
11. Which Newcastle midfielder joined St Johnstone on loan in January?
12. Name the former Real Madrid midfielder currently plying his trade for Fulham.
13. How many former Leeds midfielders do Norwich have in their squad?
Three - Bradley Johnson, Robert Snodgrass, Jonny Howson.
14. What nationality is QPR midfielder Samba Diakité?
15. Name the two midfielders who joined Premier League clubs from Crewe Alexandra in the summer.
Ashley Westwood (Aston Villa) and Nick Powell (Manchester United).
16. Which midfielder was Martin Jol talking about when he said in December: "Alex Kacaniklic is only 20 and XXX should be better than him. But he hasn't been. I want him to do well and be better than what I've got. He knows and he wants to do better."
17. What nationality is Arsenal youngster Serge Gnabry?
18. Name the only Liverpool midfielder to have received a red card in the Premier League this season.
19. Name the USA international who joined Stoke in January
20. Which West Brom midfielder shares his name with a mediocre pop musician?