We bring you the first part of our massive guide to the transfer window with Arsenal, Aston Villa, Burnley, Chelsea and Crystal Palace. Who needs what, why and who?
Southampton top the list but perhaps it's Aston Villa who should get most credit. Their defence is the reason why they are sitting comfortably in mid-table...
1 - Which club does David Cameron claim to support?
2 - Why might you not want to borrow David Mellor's Chelsea shirt?
Because he allegedly engaged in the physical act of love while wearing it, with Antonia de Sancha
3 - What tattoo do Andy Reid and Diego Maradona have in common?
They both Che Guevara's face inked upon their person
4 - And which political figure did Maradona interview on his chat show, saying "For me he is a god"?
5 - Which Labour MP is an Honorary Vice President of Blackburn?
6 - Name the company that owns AC Milan, which Silvio Berlusconi is a majority shareholder in.
7 - What did Silvio's little brother say to cause him embarrassment earlier this season?
Paolo Berlusconi called Mario Balotelli 'our household's little nigger.'
8 - True or false: Cristiano Lucarelli used to celebrate goals with a clenched fist, in solidarity with a local fascist party.
False - it was in solidarity with a communist group
9 - Of which town is H'Angus the Monkey (or at least the man who used to be H'Angus the Monkey) mayor?
Hartlepool. His real name is Stuart Drummond
10 - Which dictator apparently sent a telegram to his country's squad before the 1938 World Cup that simply read 'Win or die!'
Benito Mussolini - this was a fairly common Italian fascist slogan, but still...
11 - What was the Copa del Rey called between 1938 and 1973?
Copa del Generalísimo
12 - Which German midfielder, who played most of his career with Bayern Munich and Real Madrid, frequently took Mao Zedong's 'Little Red Book' to training?
13 - Of which club is...ahem...'controversial' Romanian politician Gigi Becali owner?
14 - Which member of the 1994 Bulgarian World Cup side is mayor of his home town Sliven?
15 - Which current Premier League footballer said this: "I had a really good chat with David. As a footballer, I don't want to get involved with the campaigning thing, but I am a Tory and I really like David Cameron."
16 - Which current Premier League manager wrote a column the Workers' Revolutionary Party publication 'News Line' in the seventies?
17 - Which former Chelsea and Manchester City striker stood for the presidency of his country in 2005?
18 - Which French defender responded to Nicolas Sarkozy calling Paris rioters 'scum' by saying: "If they are scum, then I am scum."
19 - Which Brazilian midfielder founded an organisation called 'Corinthians Democracy'?
20 - Which Argentinian defender talked Inter Milan into donating player fines to a Zapatista guerrilla movement?