Roll up to call us idiots as we reveal just how badly we called this season. Actually, we're being defeatist. For there was some accuracy to complement the scattergun...
Famous, not to say legendarily well-known, notorious and generally celebrated for posing interview questions that take the form of long sentences with...
All deadline day moves are in bold...
IN: Yaya Sanogo (free, Auxerre), Mathieu Flamini (free, AC Milan), Emiliano Viviano (loan, Palermo), Mesut Ozil (£42.5m, Real Madrid)..
OUT: Andrey Arshavin (Zenit St Petersburg, free), Samir Bihmoutine, Denilson, Sead Hajrovic, Conor Henderson, Nigel Oldfield Spence-Neita, Joshua Rees, Philip Roberts, James Shea, Sebastien Squillaci (all released), Sanchez Watt (Colchester, free), Kyle EvecFilio (Twente, undisclosed), Martin Angha (Nuremberg, undisclosed), Craig Eastmond (Colchester, free), Johan Djourou (Hamburg, loan), Vito Mannone (undisclosed, Sunderland), Francis Coquelin (loan, Freiburg), Reice Charles-Cook (free, Bury), Jernade Meade (free, Swansea), Andre Santos (free, Flamengo), Joel Campbell (loan, Olympiakos), Chuks Aneke (loan, Crewe), Gervinho (£8m, Roma), Ignasi Miquel (loan, Leicester), Marouane Chamakh (free, Crystal Palace), Wellington Silva (loan, Real Murcia).
IN: Aleksandar Tonev (£2.5m, Lech Poznan), Jores Okore (£4m, Nordsjaelland), Leandro Bacuna (undisclosed, FC Groningen), Nicklas Helenius (undisclosed, Aalborg), Antonio Luna (undisclosed, Sevilla), Jed Steer (tribunal, Norwich), Libor Kozak (undisclosed, Lazio).
OUT: Calum Barrett, Josh Barton, Daniel Devine, Jean Makoun (released), Eric Lichaj (Nottingham Forest, free), Courtney Cameron (free, Torquay), Richard Dunne (free, QPR), Graham Burke (Shrewsbury, loan), Andy Marshall (Millwall, loan), Samir Carruthers (MK Dons, loan), Darren Bent (Fulham, loan), Nathan Delfouneso (Blackpool, loan), Enda Stevens (Notts County, loan), Stephen Ireland (Stoke City, loan), Barry Bannan (Crystal Palace, undisclosed).
IN: Andreas Cornelius (£7.5m, FC Copenhagen), John Brayford (£2m, Derby), Simon Moore (undisclosed, Brentford), Steven Caulker (£8m, Tottenham), Gary Medel (£11.2m, Sevilla), Peter Odemwingie (£2.25m, West Brom)
OUT: Stephen McPhail, Heidar Helguson, Nat Jarvis (all released), Elliot Parish (free, Bristol City), Ben Nugent (loan, Brentford).
IN: Andre Schurrle (£18m, Bayer Leverkusen), Marco van Ginkel (£8m, Vitesse Arnhem), Mark Schwarzer (free, Fulham), Cristian Cuevas (undisclosed, O'Higgins), Willian (£32m, Anzhi), Samuel Eto'o (free, Anzhi), Christian Atsu (£3m, Porto).
OUT: Amin Affane, Yossi Benayoun, Abdul Deen-Conteh, Paulo Ferreira, Archange Nkumu (all released), Ross Turnbull (free, Doncaster), Thibaut Cortois (loan, Atletico Madrid), George Saville (loan, Brentford), Todd Kane (loan, Blackburn), Jeffrey Bruma (£2.5m, PSV), Marko Marin (loan, Seville), Patrick Bamford (loan, MK Dons), Patrick van Aanholt (loan, Vitesse Arnhem), Matej Delac (loan, Vojvodina), Billy Clifford (loan, Yeovil), Oriol Romeu (loan, Valencia), Milan Lalkovic (loan, Walsall), Daniel Pappoe (loan, Colchester), Florent Malouda (free, Trabzonspor), Sam Walker (loan, Colchester), Gael Kakuta (loan, Vitesse Arnhem), Thorgan Hazard (loan, Zulte Waregem), Cristian Cuevas (loan, Vitesse Arnhem), Wallace (loan, Inter Milan), Christian Atsu (loan, Vitesse Arnhem), Victor Moses (loan, Liverpool), Sam Hutchinson (loan, Vitesse Arnhem), Romelu Lukaku (loan, Everton)..
IN: Stephen Dobbie (Brighton, nominal), Dwight Gayle (Peterborough, £6m), Jerome Thomas (West Brom, free), Jose Campana (Sevilla, undisclosed), Elliot Grandin (Blackpool, free), Marouane Chamakh (Arsenal, free), Neil Alexander (Rangers, free), Florian Marange (Bordeaux, free), Jason Puncheon (Southampton, loan), Jack Hunt (Huddersfield, £2m), Adrian Mariappa (Reading, undisclosed), Barry Bannan (Aston Villa, undisclosed), Cameron Jerome (Stoke, loan), Adlene Guedioura (undisclosed, Nottingham Forest)..
OUT: Jermaine Easter (Millwall, free), Wilfried Zaha (Manchester United, £15m), Alex Marrow (Blackburn, undisclosed), Dale Banton (loan, MK Dons), Andre Moritz (free, Bolton), Ryan Inniss (Cheltenham, loan), Peter Ramage (Barnsley, loan).
IN: Arouna Kone (£5m, Everton), Antolin Alcaraz (free, Wigan), Joel Robles (undisclosed, Atletico Madrid), Gerard Deulofeu (loan, Barcelona), Romelu Lukaku (loan, Chelsea), Gareth Barry (loan, Man City), James McCarthy (£13m, Wigan).
OUT: Johan Hammar, Thomas Hitzlsperger, Sam Kelly, Jan Mucha, Phil Neville (all released), Jake Bidwell (undisclosed, Brentford), Francisco Junior (loan, Vitesse), Marouane Fellaini (£27.5m, Man United), Victor Anichebe (£6m, West Brom)..
IN: Maarten Stekelenburg (Roma, undisclosed), Derek Boateng (Dnipro, free), Sascha Riether (Cologne, undisclosed), Fernando Amorebieta (Athletic Bilbao, free), Ange-Freddy Plumain (Lens, free), Adel Taarabt (loan, QPR), Darren Bent (Aston Villa, loan), Elsad Zverotic (undisclosed, Young Boys).
OUT: Chris Baird, Simon Davies, Mahamadou Diarra, Thomas Donegan, Corey Gameiro, James Musa, Richard Peniket, Mladen Petric, Alex Smith, Csaba Somogyi (all released), Dan Burn (loan, Birmingham), Mark Schwarzer (free, Chelsea), Ryan Williams (loan, Oxford), Cauley Woodrow (loan, Southend), Marcello Trotta (loan, Brentford).
IN: George Boyd (Peterborough, free), Maynor Figueroa (Wigan, free), Curtis Davies (Birmingham, undisclosed), Ahmed Elmohamady (Sunderland, £2m), Allan McGregor (Besiktas, £1.8m), Steve Harper (free, Newcastle), Danny Graham (season-long loan, Sunderland), Yannick Sagbo (undisclosed, Evian), Tom Huddlestone (£5m, Tottenham), Jake Livermore (loan, Tottenham), Gedo (loan, Al-Ahly).
OUT: Sonny Bradley (Portsmouth, free), Danny East (Portsmouth, free), Mark Cullen (Luton, free), Paul McKenna, Seyi Olofinjana, Jay Simpson, Andy Dawson (all released), Mark Oxley (loan, Oldham), Jack Hobbs (loan, Nottingham Forest), Jamie Devitt (free, Chesterfield), Tom Cairney (loan, Blackburn), Danny Emerton (free, Northampton), Corry Evans (undisclosed, Blackburn), Cameron Stewart (loan, Charlton), Conor Townsend (loan, Carlisle)..
IN: Kolo Toure (Manchester City, free), Luis Alberto (Sevilla, £6.8m), Iago Aspas (Celta Vigo, £7.2m), Simon Mignolet (Sunderland, £9m), Aly Cissokho (Valencia, loan), Tiago Ilori (Sporting Lisbon, £7million), Mamadou Sakho (PSG, £12million), Victor Moses (Chelsea, loan).
OUT: James Stephens, Danny Wilson (Hearts, free), Tyrell Belford (Swindon, free), Jamie Carragher (retired), Peter Gulacsi (Red Bull Salzburg, free), Andy Carroll (West Ham, £15.5m), Jonjo Shelvey (Swansea, £6m), Michael Ngoo (Yeovil, loan), Suso (Almeria, loan), Conor Coady (Sheffield United, loan), Krisztian Adorjan (Groningen, loan), Pepe Reina (Napoli, loan), Jack Robinson (Blackpool, loan), Jay Spearing (Bolton, £1.75m), Stewart Downing (West Ham, £6m), Oussama Assaidi (Stoke, loan), Dani Pacheco (Alcorcon, free), Fabio Borini (Sunderland, loan)..
IN: Fernandinho (Shakhtar Donetsk, £30m), Jesus Navas (Sevilla, £14.9m), Alvaro Negredo (Sevilla, £20m), Stevan Jovetic (Fiorentina, £22m), Martin Demichelis (Atletico Madrid, £4million).
OUT: Filippo Mancini, Ryan McGivern (released), Wayne Bridge (Reading, free), Kolo Toure (Liverpool, free), Carlos Tevez (Juventus, £10m), Karim Rekik (PSV Eindhoven, loan), Roque Santa Cruz (Malaga, free), Jeremy Helan (Sheffield Wednesday, undisclosed), Maicon (Roma, undisclosed), Reece Wabara (Doncaster, loan), Scott Sinclair (loan, West Brom), Denis Suarez (Barcelona, £8m), Albert Rusnak (Oldham, loan), Abdul Razak (Anzhi, loan), Harry Bunn (Sheffield United, loan), Gareth Barry (Everton, loan)..
IN: Wilfried Zaha (Crystal Palace, £15m), Guillermo Varela (Penarol, £1m), Marouane Fellaini (£27.5mi).
OUT: Michele Fornasier, Luke Giverin, Luke Hendrie, Luke McCullough, Gyliano Van Velzen (released), Paul Scholes (retired), Reece James (loan, Carlisle), John Cofie (free, Barnsley), Frederic Veseli (free, Ipswich), Reece Brown (free, Watford), Ryan Tunnicliffe (loan, Ipswich), Sam Johnstone (Yeovil, loan), Scott Wootton (undisclosed, Leeds), Marnick Vermijl (NEC, loan), Nick Powell (Wigan, loan), Bebe (Pacos de Ferreira, loan).
IN: Olivier Kemen (undisclosed, Metz), Loic Remy (loan, QPR).
OUT: Yven Moyo (released), Danny Simpson (free, QPR), James Perch (undisclosed, Wigan), Steve Harper (free, Hull), Shane Ferguson (loan, Birmingham), JJ Hooper (free, Northampton), James Tavernier (loan, Shrewsbury), Mehdi Abeid (loan, Panathinaikos), Michael Richardson (loan, Accrington), Adam Campbell (loan, Carlisle).
IN: Ricky van Wolfswinkel (Sporting Lisbon, £8.6m), Javier Garrido (Lazio, undisclosed), Nathan Redmond (£3.5m, Birmingham), Carlo Nash (Stoke, free), Martin Olsson (£2.5m, Blackburn), Leroy Fer (£4m, Twente), Gary Hooper (£5m, Celtic), Johan Elmander (loan, Galatsaray).
OUT: Tom Adeyemi (Birmingham, free), George Francomb (AFC Wimbledon, free), Jed Steer (Aston Villa, tribunal), Lee Camp, Olumide Durojaiye, Ramil Sheriff, Marc Tierney (released), Elliott Ward (Bournemouth, free), Chris Martin (Derby, free), Korey Smith (Oldham, free), Declan Rudd (Preston, loan), James Vaughan (Huddersfield, undisclosed), Grant Holt (Wigan, £2m), Simeon Jackson (Eintracht Braunschweig, free), Andrew Surman (Bournemouth, loan), Leon Barnett (Wigan, undisclosed), Jacob Butterfield (Middlesbrough, undisclosed).
IN: Dejan Lovren (£8.5m, Lyon), Victor Wanyama (£12.5m, Celtic), Pablo Osvaldo (£15m, Roma).
OUT: Danny Butterfield (free, Carlisle), Ryan Dickson (free, Colchester), Tommy Forecast, Sam Hoskins, Ben Reeves, Daniel Seaborne, Alberto Seidi, Richard Chaplow (Millwall, free), Vegard Forren (Molde, undisclosed), Ben Reeves (MK Dons, loan), Steve De Ridder (released), Frazer Richardson (Middlesbrough, free), Jason Puncheon (loan, Crystal Palace), Emmanuel Mayuka (Sochaux, loan).
IN: Erik Pieters (PSV Eindhoven, £3m), Marc Muniesa (Barcelona, free), Juan Agudelo (New England Revolution, pre-contract agreement), Oussama Assaidi (Liverpool, loan), Marko Arnautovic (Werder Bremen, undisclosed), Stephen Ireland (Aston Villa, loan)..
OUT: Michael Clarkson, Matthew Gledhill, Jadan Hall, Andrew Musungu, George Rigg, Mamady Sidibe, Carlo Nash (freem Norwich), Matthew Upson (free, Brighton), Dean Whitehead (free, Middlesbrough), Michael Owen (retired), Matthew Lund (free, Rochdale), Rory Delap (free, Burton Albion), Florent Cuvelier (undisclosed, Sheffield United), Michael Kightly (loan, Burnley), Ryan Shotton (loan, Wigan), Cameron Jerome (loan, Crystal Palace)..
IN: Duncan Watmore (Altrincham, undisclosed), Modibo Diakité (Lazio, free), El-Hadji Ba (Le Havre, free), Valentin Roberge (Maritomo, free), Cabral (Basle, free), David Moberg Karlsson (IFK Gothenburg, £1.5m), Vito Mannone (undisclosed, Arsenal), Jozy Altidore (AZ Alkmaar, £6m), Emanuele Giaccherini (Juventus, £8.6m), Ondrej Celustka (Trabzonspor, loan), Charias Mavrias (undisclosed, Panathinaikos), Ki Sung-Yeung (Swansea, loan), Fabio Borini (Liverpool, loan), Andrea Dossena (Napoli, undisclosed)..
OUT: Titus Bramble, Anthony Callaghan, Wade Joyce, Adam Reed(released), Simon Mignolet (£9m, Liverpool), Ahmed Elmohamady (£2m, Hull), Matthew Kilgallon (free, Blackburn), Danny Graham (season-long loan, Hull), Ryan Noble (free, Burnley), Alfred N'Diaye (loan, Eskisehirspor), James McClean (£2m, Wigan), Billy Knott (loan, Wycombe), Ben Wilson (free, Accrington Stanley), Stephane Sessegnon (£6m, West Brom).
IN: Jose Canas (Real Betis, free), Jordi Amat (Espanyol, £2.5m), Jonathan De Guzman (Villarreal, loan), Alejandro Pozuelo (Real Betis, undisclosed), Jonjo Shelvey (Liverpool, £6m), Wilfried Bony (Vitesse Arnhem, £12m), Jernade Meade (Arsenal, free), Gregor Zabret (NK Domzale, nominal), Alvaro Vazquez (Getafe, loan).
OUT: Mark Gower (Charlton Athletic, free), David Cornell (St Mirren, loan), Gwion Edwards (St Johnstone, loan), Kyle Bartley (Birmingham, loan), Alan Tate (loan, Yeovil), Kemy Agustien (free, Brighton), Ki Sung-Yeung (loan, Sunderland).
IN: Paulinho (£17m, Corinthians), Nacer Chadli (£7m, FC Twente), Roberto Soldado (£25m, Valencia), Etienne Capoue (£9.4m, Toulouse), Vlad Chiriches (£8m, Steaua Bucharest), Erik Lamela (£30m, Roma), Christian Eriksen (£11.5m, Ajax).
OUT: Jack Barthram, David Bentley, William Gallas, Jack Munns, Jake Nicholson (released), Massimo Luongo, Grant Hall, Ryan Mason (loan, Swindon), John Bostock (free, Royal Antwerp), Tomislav Gomelt (loan, Royal Antwerp), Adam Smith (loan, Derby), Bongani Khumalo (loan, Doncaster), Steven Caulker (£8m, Cardiff City), Clint Dempsey (£6m, Seattle Sounders), Tom Huddlestone (£5m, Hull City), Jake Livermore (loan, Hull City), Scott Parker (£4m, Fulham), Gareth Bale (loads, dunno, make your own mind up, Real Madrid), Massimo Luongo (£400,000, Swindon), Tom Carroll and Benoit Assou-Ekotto (loan, QPR)..
IN: Nicolas Anelka (free, Juventus), Goran Popov (loan, Dynamo Kiev), Diego Lugano (free, PSG), Matej Vydra (loan, Udinese), Scott Sinclair (loan, Manchester City), Morgan Amalfitano (loan, Marseille), Lee Camp (free), Stephane Sessegnon (£6m, Sunderland), Victor Anichebe (£6m, Everton)..
OUT: Marc-Antoine Fortune (free, Wigan), Jerome Thomas (free, Crystal Palace), Gonzalo Jara Reyes (released), James Hurst (free, Crawley), Scott Allan (loan, Birmingham), Romaine Sawyers (free, Walsall), Peter Odemwingie (£2.25m, Cardiff City).
IN: Razvan Rat (Shakhtar Donetsk, free), Adrian (Real Betis, undisclosed), Andy Carroll (Liverpool, £15.5m), Danny Whitehead (Stockport, undisclosed), Stewart Downing (Liverpool, £6m).
OUT: Carlton Cole, Jack Powell, Jami Rafati, Eoin Wearen (released), Jake Larkins (Leyton Orient, free), Robert Hall (Bolton, tribunal), Gary O'Neil (QPR, free).