The boys try and take a look at Alan Irvine's appearances on TV but keep dropping off. Never before has a man been too dull to even use cliches. It's not good...
* Arsenal made a massive 29 tackles v Spurs with Aaron Ramsey the most combative (8).
* Goalscorer Olivier Giroud recorded a woeful 38% pass completion rate v Tottenham.
* All of the Frenchman's 14 Premier League goals have been scored in London.
* Aston Villa have picked up more bookings (12) than any other PL side so far this season.
* Their possession average is the lowest in the PL at 38.1%.
* Christian Benteke wins more aerial duels per game (10.3) than any other PL player.
* Cardiff play the fewest short passes per game (270) of any team in the PL.
* Kim Bo-Kyung dribbled past seven Everton players on Saturday.
* Gary Medel has the best pass completion rate (90.7%) of any Cardiff player this season.
* Chelsea have made fewer interceptions (20) this season than any other PL club. In contrast, Manchester United have made 53.
* Chelsea are putting in fewer crosses per game (11) than any other PL side this season.
* Only Swansea and Everton attack down the right-hand side less than Chelsea (32%).
* Palace are level with West Ham and Stoke this season in winning 80 aerial duels so far.
* Jason Puncheon made four chances for Palace v Sunderland on Saturday without recording an assist.
* Daniel Gabbidon made a phenomenal 19 clearances v Sunderland as well as scoring the opening goal.
* Everton have had more shots this season (55) than any other PL club but have scored just two goals. They have allowed the fewest number of shots (19).
* They have averaged 64.1% possession this season - the highest in the Premier League.
* Roberto Martinez has picked the same starting XI in three consecutive PL games.
* Only Hull (21) have had fewer shots than Fulham (24) this season and no team has allowed more shots (65).
* It took 67 minutes for them to register a shot on target at Newcastle on Saturday.
* Darren Bent had no shots in 82 minutes but was caught offside three times.
* Hull have had the fewest shots (21) in the PL so far this season.
* Sone Aluko has been fouled more times (13) than any other player in the top flight in the first three games.
* Ahmed Elmohamady has won possession more times in the defensive third (18) than any other PL player so far.
* Liverpool top the tackle charts in the Premier League with 88 tackles (29.3 per game). Lucas Leiva makes a league-high average of six tackles per game.
* Daniel Sturridge has lost the ball with a poor touch 12 times this season - the joint-highest in the league with Sergio Aguero.
* Martin Skrtel made three tackles, two interceptions, 11 clearances and two shot blocks v United but all five of his attempted long balls failed to find a teammate.
* City's average pass success rate of 87.1% is the highest in the PL so far this season.
* Agüero has been disposessed more times (13) than any other player as well as losing the ball 12 times with a poor touch.
* Jesús Navas found a City player with an impressive six of his nine attempted crosses v Hull on Saturday.
* Only Southampton have played more long balls per game (84) than Man United (73) so far this season.
* Central midfield pair Tom Cleverley and Michael Carrick have created a total of four scoring chances in three PL games.
* Ashley Young attempted nine crosses in 63 minutes v Liverpool but only one reached a teammate.
* Hatem Ben Arfa has had the same number of shots (13) this season as Olivier Giroud and Robin van Persie.
* Sylvain Marveaux has made the same number of chances for teammates (10) as Eden Hazard but has played only two PL games.
* Newcastle put in a massive 42 crosses v Fulham with Ben Arfa and Marveaux contributing 11 each.
* Nathan Redmond has dribbled past more players (13) than any other PL player this season.
* Leroy Fer made eight of Norwich's 29 tackles v Southampton on Saturday.
* Norwich have lost only one of 11 PL games at Carrow Road in 2013.
* Southampton have committed more fouls per game (17) than any other PL side this season.
* James Ward-Prowse has averaged more crosses per game (4.7) than any other PL player.
* Pablo Osvaldo was the only Saints player to register a shot on target v Norwich on Saturday.
* Stoke City
* Stoke's six points from three games represents their best start to a PL season.
* Mark Hughes has increased Stoke's pass completion success from 70.2% last season to 78.7% this season.
* No Potters' striker has scored in their opening three PL matches.
* Sunderland have won just two of ten games managed by Paolo Di Canio.
* Ji Dong-Won touched the ball just 11 times before being hauled off at half-time v Crystal Palace.
* His replacement Steven Fletcher has scored one goal from one shot this season.
* Swansea City
* Only Yaya Toure (267) has made more passes this season in the PL than José Cañas (236).
* Jonathan De Guzmán did not displace any of his 18 passes when he came off the bench v West Brom.
* Michu made a remarkable seven key passes v the Baggies - more than the entire West Brom side put together.
* Only Everton (55) have had more shots than Tottenham (53) this season but they have failed to score from open play. Paulinho has had more shots than any other PL player without scoring (11).
* They have not been caught offside once in three PL games.
* Kyle Walker attempted eight crosses v Arsenal and did not find a single teammate.
* The Baggies have managed just four shots on target in three PL games. They are yet to score.
* West Brom have won only one of their last 12 Premier League games.
* Nicolas Anelka was dispossessed five times and lost the ball a futher four times with a poor touch v Swansea on Sunday.
* The Hammers have the lowest pass completion rate in the PL this season at 72.4%.
* They have had just five shots on target in three PL games. They managed none at home to Stoke on Saturday.
* Winston Reid, James Collins and Modibo Maiga won seven aerial duels each v Stoke.