It's not big or clever, but it might just get you through a day which is either wonderful or terrifying, depending on your taste. Pull up a chair, and unlock the booze cupboard...
Here is a full list of summer transfers in 2015. It's getting very busy now...
* Last season Aaron Ramsey scored one goal from 46 PL shots. In 2013/14 he has scored three goals from 12 shots.
* Ramsey has also matched Lucas Leiva tackle for tackle this season with 26 in five matches.
* Mesut Ozil has created more chances (10) in two PL games than any Manchester United player all season. He made seven key passes v Stoke on Saturday.
* Aston Villa have averaged just 41% possession so far this season - the lowest in the PL.
* Right-back Leandro Bacuna registered a pass completion rate of just 47% v Norwich.
* Karim El Ahmadi made a massive 11 tackles v Norwich.
* Cardiff average the least number of crosses per game (13) in the Premier League.
* Steven Caulker has blocked more shots (10) than any other player in the PL this season,
* Peter Whittingham and Kévin Théophile-Catherine recorded pass completion rates of just 48% v Tottenham on Sunday.
* Chelsea average the lowest number of interceptions per game (6.6) in the PL. For comparison, Manchester United average 17.8.
* Eden Hazard has created 14 chances for teammates this season but none have been taken.
* Andre Schürrle provided the final ball for seven of Chelsea's 24 shots v Fulham on Saturday.
* Crystal Palace had just 43% possession at home to Swansea on Sunday.
* They only managed one shot on target - from Adlène Guédioura - despite playing three very attacking players.
* Joel Ward is second in the PL tackles per game (5.3) table but has not started either of Palace's last two PL games.
* Nikica Jelavic touched the bal just 15 times in 45 minutes v West Ham. Romelu Lukaku came off the bench and had 40 touches in the same period of time.
* Everton attack down the left in 42% of their attacks while only 32% of their attacks come down the right.
* Since 2008/09, no player has scored more direct free-kicks in the PL than Leighton Baines (6).
* Fulham's first and only shot on target at Chelsea on Saturday came in the 13th minute.
* Pajtim Kasami was dispossessed seven times v Chelsea.
* No Fulham player is averaging more than one key pass per game this season.
* Hull made a massive 28 tackles v Newcastle but supposed defensive midfielder Jake Livermore did not make a single one.
* Robbie Brady created four chances for his Tigers teammates v Newcastle, with three of seven crosses reaching a teammate.
* Danny Graham has not scored in his last 1320 Premier League minutes of football.
* Daniel Sturridge has lost the ball 17 times this season with a poor touch - more than any other player in the top flight.
* Iago Aspas had no shots, created no chances and took on no players in 45 minutes v Southampton on Saturday.
* Simon Mignolet's pass completion rate if just 45% in his first five matches - 14th out of all regular top-flight No 1s - compared to Pepe Reina's impressive average of 71% last season.
* Seven different City players have registered a PL assist this season. Only two United players have done the same.
* Vincent Kompany made 12 clearances v Man United while his central defensive partner made just one.
* Yaya Touré has scored three goals from just seven attempts this season as well as making a PL-high 399 passes.
* Nemanja Vidic has made more clearances (58) than any other player in the PL this season.
* United made just 14 tackles to City's 22 on Sunday with attacking trio Antonio Valencia, Wayne Rooney and Ashley Young making none.
* Ashley Young has reached a teammate with just one of 22 attempted crosses in four games.
* Loïc Remy was the only Newcastle player to register a shot on target v Hull despite enjoying 61% possession.
* Hatem Ben Arfa was dispossessed seven times by Hull players on Saturday.
* Mathieu Debuchy found a teammate with only one of his seven attempted long balls v Hull.
* Norwich have picked up just 23 points from their last 26 PL games.
* Ricky van Wolfswinkel missed the target with all five shots v Aston Villa. He has hit the target just once in his last four PL games.
* Robert Snodgrass attempted a massive 21 crosses v Villa. Five reached a teammate.
* Jose Fonte and Dejan Lovren are in the PL's top five for accurate long balls per game this season.
* The Saints made a massive 38 tackles v Liverpool with Nathaniel Clyne making 13.
* None of Southampton's last eight PL games have featured more than two goals.
* Stoke City
* Marc Wilson has been dribbled past more times (14) than any other PL player this season.
* No Potters' striker has scored in their opening five PL matches.
* Kenwyne Jones did not have a single attempt on goal or create a single chance in 75 minutes.
* Paolo Di Canio's PL record at Sunderland: P12, W2, D3, L7, F11, A22.
* Fabio Borini had no shots, created no chances and completed just nine passes in 59 minutes at West Brom.
* Goalkeeper Keiren Westwood recorded a pass completion rate of just 17% v the Baggies.
* Swansea City
* Swansea have the best pass completion rate in the PL this season at 87.3%.
* No outfield Swansea player registered a pass completion rate below 80% v Palace on Sunday.
* Swansea have conceded just one goal in three away games so far this season.
* Tottenham have averaged the most shots per game (21) and have allowed the fewest shots of any team (7) in the PL this season.
* Spurs scored with their 29th shot of the game v Cardiff. Andros Townsend and Paulinho both had six shots each. Spurs have a conversion rate of just 6% so far this season.
* Michael Dawson has been credited with catching ten opposition players offside this season.
* Morgan Amalfitano has created more chances in two PL games (7) than any other West Brom player in five games so far this season.
* Victor Anichebe only passed the ball four times in 21 minutes but was credited with an assist for Amalfitano's goal.
* Nicolas Anelka has had only three shots in four PL games for the Baggies.
* West Ham have had just eight shots on target in five Premier League games.
* Modibo Maiga has taken just five shots in five games of playing as a centre-forward for West Ham this season.
* The Hammers made 26 tackles v Everton but left-back Razvan Rat and central midfielder Ravel Morrison did not contribute to that total.