The boys try and take a look at Alan Irvine's appearances on TV but keep dropping off. Never before has a man been too dull to even use cliches. It's not good...
* Chelsea, Tottenham, Newcastle and Man City have all had more shots than Arsenal this season but the Gunners top the chart for shots on target (48).
* Aaron Ramsey and Olivier Giroud have both scored or assisted eight PL goals this season. Only Daniel Sturridge has contributed to more goals in the Premier League.
* Arsenal have played only one side who are currently in the top half of the Premier League table (Tottenham).
* Seven of Villa's first eight PL games have been against sides currently in the top half. They have averaged a credible point per game against those sides.
* Villa's first shot on target v Spurs came in the 68th minute after the introduction of Christian Benteke.
* Andreas Weimann had six shots v Tottenham without a single one hitting the target.
* Cardiff have managed only 20 shots on target in eight PL games - only Sunderland have a worse record.
* Kévin Théophile-Catherine completed just ten passes in 90 minutes at Chelsea.
* On a day to forget, goalkeeper David Marshall recorded a 17% pass completion rate at Stamford Bridge.
* Chelsea have taken more shots (145) than any other Premier League team this season but both Manchester City and Arsenal have scored more.
* They have claimed 12 of their 17 points and 11 of their 14 goals in four games against teams currently in the bottom half of the table.
* Ramires has been dribbled past more times than any other player in the PL this season (19).
* Marouane Chamakh has played in eight PL games for Palace this season and had one shot. They scored.
* Palace tackle more than any team in the PL with 24.6 per game. Joel Ward and Mile Jedinak are in the PL top five for tackles per game while Jedinak is only bejind Michael Carrick for interceptions.
* Dwight Gayle completed four passes in 69 minutes on Monday night v Fulham.
* Everton's players are fouled more times per game (14.1) than any other PL side.
* Phil Jagielka plays the most long passes in the Premier League (9.6 per game).
* Everton have picked up the same number of points (15 from 8) as the same stage last season but have scored fewer goals (12 v 15).
* In beating Palace 4-1 on Monday, Fulham equalled their goal tally from the previous six PL games.
* All of their ten points have come against sides in the bottom half of the table.
* Bryan Ruiz found a teammate with four of his seven crosses v Palace.
* Allan McGregor has the worst pass completion rate of any PL player at 35.4%.
* Tom Huddlestone created four chances at Everton on Saturday without a single one being taken.
* Yannick Sagbo has now scored once from just two shots as a Premier League footballer.
* Daniel Sturridge has failed to win a single aerial duel this season from 13 attempts.
* Steven Gerrard has created more goalscoring chances than any other player in the Premier League this season (21).
* Luis Suarez lost the ball a massive nine times with a poor touch v Newcastle.
* David Silva has created more chances per game (4) than any other player this season.
* City have won 29 and drawn two of the 31 PL matches in which Sergio Aguero has scored.
* Yaya Touré has played more passes this season (643) than any other PL player.
* Man United have been caught offside 32 times this season - the next highest figure is Everton with 24. Wayne Rooney has been caught offside more times (9) than Tottenham (8) this season.
* Danny Welbeck touched the ball nine times v Southampton. He was dispossessed once, lost control of the ball once and completed one of his four passes.
* This is United's worst start after eight games since 1989/90 when they eventually finished 13th.
* Paul Dummett became the first non-French player to score for Newcastle this season with his goal v Liverpool.
* The 2-2 draw v Liverpool claimed their first and only point of the season against a current top-half side.
* Newcastle made 21 tackles v Liverpool with Cheik Tioté topping the tackle charts with six.
* Six of Norwich's eight PL games have been against sides currently in the top half of the table but they still have a point more than the same stage last season.
* Only one of their six PL goals this season has been scored by a striker.
* The Canaries have not drawn any of their last eight away games in the Premier League.
* They are the only PL team to score the majoity of their goals from set-pieces. Of eight goals, only three have come from open play.
* The Saints make the most fouls per game (14.4) in the Premier League. Victor Wanyama has made 22 this season and is joint-top of the individual fouls chart.
* Pablo Osvaldo's 90 minutes at Old Trafford consisted of five shots (one on target), no chances created, ten passes completed, three fouls, three times dispossessed, three turnovers, two clearances and one tackle. He cost £15m.
* Stoke City
* No Potters' striker has scored in their opening eight PL matches.
* Despite a perceived change of style, they still win the most aerial duels (26.3) per game in the PL.
* Marko Arnautovic has taken the most shots without scoring (15) in the PL this season.
* Adam Johnson has created the most chances in the Premier League without claiming an assist (17).
* Sunderland have claimed only 17 points in 2013.
* They managed their first and only shot on target in the 79th minute at Swansea on Saturday.
* Swansea City
* Swansea have the best average pass completion rate (86.9%) in the PL this season.
* They were finally awarded a PL penalty on Saturday against Sunderland - 56 games after the last.
* Jonathan De Guzmán reached a teammate with an impressive five of his 11 attempted crosses.
* Tottenham play the most long balls per game (72) in the Premier League.
* There are 28 PL players who deliver more accurate crosses per game than Andros Townsend (1.1).
* Spurs have conceded just once - to leaders Arsenal - in four away games this season.
* Stéphane Sessegnon has had 12 shots in just four PL games for West Brom. No other Baggies player has had more all season.
* West Brom are one of three PL teams who are unbeaten away from home this season.
* Jonas Olsson has made more clearances this season (86) than any other PL player.
* West Ham have played the fewest number of short passes per game (285) in the PL this season. For comparison, Swansea have played 527.
* The Hammers have lost three consecutive home games for the first time since March 2010.
* Razvan Rat managed to find a teammate with just two of his attempted ten long balls.