It's not big or clever, but it might just get you through a day which is either wonderful or terrifying, depending on your taste. Pull up a chair, and unlock the booze cupboard...
Here is a full list of summer transfers in 2015. It's getting very busy now...
* Arsenal have gone behind three times this season and have picked up just one point from those games.
* Aaron Ramsey and Santi Cazorla failed to create a single chance v Manchester United on Sunday.
* Olivier Giroud, Jay Rodriguez and Daniel Sturridge have lost the ball the most number of times (27) from a poor touch in the PL this season.
* Villa and Southampton are the only two PL teams not have thrown away points from a winning position this season.
* Only one Villa starter (Ashley Westwood) recorded a pass completion rate above 80% v Cardiff City.
* Aleksandar Tonev completed just ten passes and found a teammate with none of his eight crosses v Cardiff.
* Cardiff have managed only 29 shots on target in 11 PL games - only Sunderland have a worse record.
* Six of their 11 PL games this season have been 0-0 at half-time.
* Peter Whittingham is the only Cardiff player to average more than one key pass per game in the Premier League.
* Chelsea have picked up exactly the same number of points (21) in the first 11 games of this season as in Rafa Benitez's first 11 games in charge.
* They have amassed just six points in six games against teams in the top half of the table.
* Chelsea have won 54% of the matches started by Frank Lampard this season and 80% without.
* Only three players (Christian Benteke, Modibo Maiga and Peter Crouch) have won more aerial duels per game than Marouane Chamakh (6) this season.
* Only two players (Lucas Leiva and Aaron Ramsey) have attempted more tackles per game than Joel Ward (4.3) this season.
* Only one player (Michael Carrick) has attempted more interceptions per game than Mile Jedinak (4.1) this season.
* Gareth Barry has not lost on any of his last ten Premier League starts.
* Roberto Martinez's Everton have scored 14 goals and conceded just ten in their opening ten games. David Moyes' Everton had scored 21 goals and conceded 14 at the same stage last season. They have exactly the same number of points.
* The Toffees have only managed three shots on target in their last two games.
* Fulham have actually conceded the same number of goals (19) in the first 11 PL games as last season but have scored 14 goals fewer.
* They have conceded three goals per PL game without Brede Hangeland and 1.25 goals per game with him in the side this season.
* Bryan Ruiz has played 11 key passes this season - the most of any Fulham player.
* Only Norwich have condeded more goals away from home (14) than Hull (13) this season.
* Yannick Sagbo has scored two goals from just eight shots as a PL player.
* Danny Graham completed just two of his five passes in his 17 minutes on the pitch v Southampton.
* Liverpool have scored 16 of their 21 PL goals this season before the break.
* Luis Suárez has scored eight PL goals from just 36 shots this season - a goal every 4.5 shots. Daniel Sturridge's record is only marginally worse with eight goals from 39 shots.
* Steven Gerrard has created more chances (29) than any other PL player this season; he has recorded four assists in his last six games.
* Only Stoke, Hull, Norwich, Sunderland and Crystal Palace have a worse away record than Manchester City in the PL this season.
* They had 24 shots v Sunderland and only four were on target; Aleksandar Kolarov had five shots without hitting the target.
* Jesús Navas attempted 15 crosses in 45 minutes v Sunderland; two reached a teammate.
* Man United have conceded fewer goals (13 v 16) than the same stage last season when they were top of the table.
* The impressive Patrice Evra made 11 clearances, six tackles and two interceptions against Arsenal on Sunday.
* Shinji Kagawa was dispossessed seven times by Arsenal players - the same as the rest of United's starting XI put together.
* Fourteen of Newcastle's 15 PL goals this season have been scored by Frenchman. An Englishman has not scored a league goal for Newcastle in 2013.
* Loïc Remy has scored seven goals from just 27 shots for Newcastle - a goal every 3.375 shots.
* Newcastle's back four made a total of 36 clearances v Tottenham on Sunday.
* Norwich have exactly the same points (11 v 11) as the same stage as last season after spending £23m this summer.
* Only one of their nine PL goals this season has come before the break.
* Robert Snodgrass has played 24 key passes this season without registering a single assist.
* English players have scored ten of the Saints' 15 PL goals this season.
* Adam Lallana has scored three goals from just 13 shots this season, seven of which have been on target.
* James Ward-Prowse found a teammate with four of seven crosses v Hull. His average of three accurate crosses per game is the best in the PL.
* Stoke City
* Stoke scored three times in a PL game for the first time in 2013 when they drew 3-3 with Swansea on Saturday.
* The Potters have thrown away seven points from a winning position this season; those points would put them in ninth.
* Peter Crouch has shot to the top of Stoke's assist chart this season with two v Swansea on Sunday.
* Sunderland have ended a run of 14 PL games without a clean sheet with a 1-0 win over Manchester City.
* Wes Brown hade eight clearances and six interceptions v City on Sunday.
* Sunderland's home record this season is better than that of West Ham and Fulham as well as Palace.
* Swansea City
* Swansea are actually just one point worse off (12 v 13) and one goal goal worse off (15 v 16) than the same stage last season.
* Jonathan De Guzmán attempted a massive 19 crosses v Stoke and an impressive seven reached a teammate.
* Swansea have won only one of six games in all competitions started by Gerhard Tremmel this season.
* Tottenham have taken 15 more shots than any other PL side this season but only Sunderland and Palace have scored fewer goals.
* Andros Townsend has scored just once from 45 shots this season; that one goal was scored with (by his own admission) an attempted cross.
* Christian Eriksen was credited with a massive nine key passes v Newcastle on Sunday.
* They have scored nine of their 12 PL goals after the break this season.
* They have conceded exactly the same number of goals (12) in their first 11 PL games as last season.
* Youssouf Mulumbu made seven interceptions and four tackles v Chelsea on Saturday.
* West Ham have thrown away six points from winning positions this season; only Stoke have thrown away more.
* Stewart Downing has not registered a goal or an assist in nine PL games for West Ham.
* Joe Cole recorded a 100% pass completion rate v Norwich but did not create a single chance.