Demba Ba scores goals at a better rate than the league's best, whilst Liverpool score in halves galore and why you are always guaranteed goals when City are in town...
For many people John Motson is quite simply the voice of the game. He's been doing his commentary gig since 1971 and long may it continue, say Johnny and Al...
West Ham v West Brom
Two sides struggling at the arse end of the table and I simply CANNOT have the Hammers at 5/4. They are not scoring enough goals and Big Sam is a manager under pressure. West Brom of course are still to appoint a successor to Stevie Clarke but I reckon they can make a mockery of the odds men here.
Betting: West Brom to win at 5/2(Bet Victor)
Aston Villa v Swansea
One of highlights of Christmas for me was hearing a Spanish man called Adolfo order a packet of "porky scratchings and a glass of finest red wine" in my local on Christmas Eve. It so happens that Adolfo hails from the same town as Michu (Oviedo) and he told me in no uncertain terms to get with his Iberian brethren when the Swans travel to Villa Park. "He is, how you say, big value price" he mused, while chomping down on some Mr Porky
Betting: Michu to score first at 6/1 (Boylesports)
Hull City v Fulham
Props to Steve Bruce for keeping things together at Hull despite the rascal outbursts of no nonsense owner Assem 'They can die as soon as they want' Allam. This is a massive game for both teams and one I can definitely see the Tigers winning.
Betting: Hull to win at 6/5 (Coral)
Manchester City v Crystal Palace
At 1/9 in places Citeh go off as the shortest price PL team this season on Saturday and you only need to glance at the table to are why. Irresistible at home, they should dish out a paddling here and I like the look of Alvaro Negredo at 7/2 to bag a brace or better
Betting: Negredo to score 2+ at 7/2 (Coral)
Norwich City v Manchester United
Pushed out to 20/1 just a few weeks ago in the title race ManYoo have suddenly hit their stride and I reckon they can make short work of the Canaries here. Wayne Rooney is 150 Premier League goals to the good for the Red Devils and that is some stat. Yes he may have a face like a robber's dog but he remains one of the finest talents this country has produced in the past ten years and he can orchestrate a rather straightforward away win here.
Betting: Manchester United to win 2-0 at 8/1 (Ladbrokes)
Cardiff City v Sunderland
Courage is the greatest of all virtues. So said English essayist and poet Samuel Johnson. And if Sam was alive today I feel certain he'd be on Cardiff here at 13/10. They look a monster price at home against a side who are a short price to be playing in the Championship next term.
Betting: Cardiff to win at 13/10 (Sky Bet)
Everton v Southampton
The Toffee Men's inability to beat Sunderland meant I had to bail a taxi yesterday without paying. The plan for today is back the Mersey Men and then sheepishly stroll into Streamline and pay what I owe.
Betting: Everton to win at 5/6 (Hills)
Newcastle v Arsenal
I ended up eating a lot of blue stilton cheese late doors on Boxing Day night and had an awful nightmare of the bar scene in The Accused but Ray Parlour was in denim hot pants as opposed to Jodie Foster. With this in mind ill be backing Arsenal on Tyneside... and never ever eating dairy products again.
Betting: Arsenal to win at 21/20 (Bet Victor)
Chelsea v Liverpool
Liverpool draw no bet is the bet here. But the real question is what was the best joke to fall out of my Christmas cracker. Ladies and gentlemen I give you:
Chill your beans it's just a joke
Betting: Liverpool draw no bet at 6/4 (Hills/Paddy Power)
Tottenham v Stoke
Do not gaze at wine when it is red, when it sparkles in the cup, when it goes down smoothly.In the end it bites like a snake, and poisons like a viper.Your eyes will see strange sights and your mind imagine confusing things.
Betting: Both teams to score at 6/5 (Bet Victor)