The boys try and take a look at Alan Irvine's appearances on TV but keep dropping off. Never before has a man been too dull to even use cliches. It's not good...
Deadline-day moves are in bold.
Ins: Kim Kallstrom (loan, Spartak Moscow).
Outs: Chuba Akpom (loan, Brentford), Nico Yennaris (undisclosed, Brentford), Benik Afobe (loan, Sheffield Wednesday), Emmanuel Frimpong (undisclosed, Barnsley), Daniel Boateng (loan, Hibernian), Park Chu-Young (loan, Watford)..
Ins: Grant Holt (loan, Wigan), Ryan Bertrand (loan, Chelsea).
Outs: Stephen Ireland (free, Stoke), Nathan Delfouneso (loan, Coventry).
Ins: Magnus Wolff Eikrem (undisclosed, Heerenveen), Mats Moller Daehli (undisclosed, Molde), Inge Berget (undisclosed, Molde), Kenwyne Jones (swap, Stoke), Fabio (undisclosed, Man United), Wilfried Zaha (loan, Manchester United)
Outs: Rudy Gestede (undisclosed, Blackburn), Filip Kiss (loan, Ross County), Nicky Maynard (loan, Wigan), John Brayford (loan, Sheffield United), Simon Moore (loan, Bristol City), Craig Conway, (undisclosed, Blackburn).
Ins: Bertrand Traore (free, Association Jeunes Espoirs De Bobo-Dioulasso), Nemanja Matic (£21m, Benfica), Mohamed Salah (£12m, Basel) Kurt Zouma (£12m, St Etienne).
Outs: Patrick Bamford (loan, Derby), Bertrand Traore (loan, Vitesse Arnhem), Kenneth Omeruo (loan, Middlesbrough), Nathaniel Chalobah (loan, Middlesbrough), Ryan Bertrand (loan, Aston Villa), Kevin de Bruyne (£18m, Wolfsburg), Sam Walker (free, Colchester), Josh McEachran (loan, Wigan), Juan Mata (£37.1m, Manchester United), Michael Essien (free, AC Milan), Kurt Zouma (loan, St Etienne), Gael Kakuta (loan, Lazio).
Ins: Wayne Hennessey (undisclosed, Wolves), Jason Puncheon (undisclosed, Southampton), Scott Dann (undisclosed, Blackburn), Tom Ince (loan, Blackpool), Joe Ledley (undisclosed, Celtic).
Outs: Jason Banton (undisclosed, Plymouth), Jimmy Kebe (loan, Leeds), Kwesi Appiah (loan, Notts County), Jack Hunt (loan, Barnsley), Jose Campana (loan, Nurnberg), Darcy Blake (released), Stephen Dobbie (loan, Blackpool).
Ins: Aiden McGeady (undisclosed, Spartak Moscow), Lacina Traore (loan, Monaco), Jindrich Stanek (undisclosed, Sparta Prague).
Outs: Hallum Hope (loan, Northampton), Matthew Pennington (loan, Tranmere), Chris Long (loan, MK Dons), Matthew Kennedy (loan, Tranmere), Tyias Browning (loan, Wigan), Nikica Jelavic (£6.5m, Hull City).
Ins: Clint Dempsey (loan, Seattle Sounders), William Kvist (loan, Stuttgart), Lewis Holtby (loan, Tottenham), Kostas Mitroglou (£11m, Olympiakos), Ryan Tunnicliffe and Larnell Cole (undisclosed, Manchester United).
Outs: Marcus Bettinelli (loan, Accrington), Jack Grimmer (loan, Port Vale), Bryan Ruiz (loan, PSV), Aaron Hughes (undisclosed, QPR), Adel Taarabt (loan terminated, AC Milan), Dimitar Berbatov (undisclosed, Monaco, Philippe Senderos (undisclosed, Valencia).
HULL CITY TIGERS
Ins: Nikica Jelavic (£6.5m, Everton), Shane Long (£7.5m, West Brom), Elliott Kebbie (short-term deal, Atletico Madrid).
Outs: Conor Townsend (loan, Carlisle), Tom Cairney (£500,000, Blackburn), Eldin Jakupovic (loan, Leyton Orient), Cameron Stewart (loan, Leeds), Aaron McClean (undisclosed, Bradford), Nick Proschwitz (loan, Barnsley), Jack Hobbs (undisclosed, Nottingham Forest).
Outs: Adam Morgan (undisclosed, Yeovil), Craig Roddan (loan, Accrington), Ryan McLaughlin (loan, Barnsley), Tiago Ilori (loan, Granada), Michael Ngoo (loan, Walsall).
Outs: John Guidetti (loan, Stoke City).
Ins: Juan Mata (£37.1m, Chelsea).
Outs: Anderson (loan, Fiorentina), Jack Barmby (loan, Hartlepool), Fabio (undisclosed, Cardiff), Wilfried Zaha (loan, Cardiff), Tom Thorpe (loan, Birmingham), Tyler Blackett (loan, Birmingham), Will Keane (loan, QPR), Sam Byrne (loan, Carlisle), Charni Ekangamene (loan, Carlisle), Federico Macheda (loan, Birmingham).
Ins: Luuk de Jong (loan, Borussia Monchengladbach).
Outs: Jonas Gutierrez (loan, Norwich City), Yohan Cabaye (£19m, PSG) Curtis Good (loan, Dundee United).
Ins: Jonas Gutierrez (loan, Newcastle), Joseph Yobo (loan, Fenerbahce).
Outs: Jamar Loza (loan, Leyton Orient), Daniel Ayala (undisclosed, Middlesbrough)
Outs: Tadanari Lee (released), Lee Barnard (loan, Southend), Danny Fox (loan, Nottingham Forest), Billy Sharp (loan, Doncaster), Jason Puncheon (undisclosed, Crystal Palace)>, Dani Osvaldo (loan, Juventus).
Ins: John Guidetti (loan, Manchester City), Stephen Ireland (free, Aston Villa), Juan Agudelo (free), Peter Odemwingie (swap, Cardiff).
Outs: Jamie Ness (loan, Leyton Orient), Brek Shea (loan, Barnsley), Juan Agudelo (loan, FC Utrecht).
Ins: Marcos Alonso (loan, Fiorentina), Santiago Vergini (loan, Estudiantes), Ignacio Scocco (undisclosed, Internacional), Liam Bricutt (£3m, Brighton).
Outs: Mikael Mandron (loan, Fleetwood), Ji Dong-won (undisclosed, Augsberg), Alfred N'Diaye (loan, Real Betis), Duncan Watmore (loan, Hibs), David Moberg Karlsson (loan, Kilmarnock), David Vaughan (free, Nottingham Forest), Modibo Diakite (loan, Fiorentina), Danny Graham (loan, Middlesbrough).
Ins: David Ngog (undisclosed, Bolton), Lee Fulton (undisclosed, Falkirk), Marvin Emnes (loan, Middlesbrough).
Outs: Alan Tate (loan, Aberdeen), Lee Lucas (loan, Cheltenham), Rory Donnelly (loan, Coventry).
Outs: Simon Dawkins (undisclosed, Derby), Shaquile Coulthirst (loan, Leyton Orient), Jonathan Obika (loan, Brighton), Jermain Defoe (undisclosed, Toronto FC), Ryan Fredericks (loan, Millwall), Adam Smith (undisclosed, Bournemouth), Lewis Holtby (loan, Fulham).
WEST BROMWICH ALBION
Ins: Thievy Bifouma (loan, Espanyol).
Outs: Lee Camp (free, Bournemouth), Shane Long (£7.5m, Hull), George Thorne (loan, Derby).
WEST HAM UNITED
Ins: Roger Johnson (loan, Wolves), Carlton Cole (free, erm, West Ham), Marco Boriello (loan, Roma), Antonio Nocerino (loan, AC Milan), Abdul Razak (free, Anzhi). Pablo Armero (loan, Napoli).
Outs: Paul McCallum (loan, Hearts), Jordan Spence (loan, MK Dons), George Moncur (loan, Partick), Modibo Maiga (loan, QPR), Razvan Rat (released).