It's not big or clever, but it might just get you through a day which is either wonderful or terrifying, depending on your taste. Pull up a chair, and unlock the booze cupboard...
Here is a full list of summer transfers in 2015. They are all here...
* Arsenal have dropped just two points from 12 games against bottom-half opposition this season.
* Jack Wilshere has been credited with an assist in each of his last three PL appearances.
* He attracted 71% of fouls perpetrated by Fulham on Arsenal players on Saturday.
* Villa's record against top-half sides (10 points from 11 games) is better than that of Man United (nine from 11).
* Gabriel Agbonlahor completed just four passes in 49 minutes; he was credited with two assists.
* Villa have dropped less points (4) from a winning position than any other PL side this season.
* Cardiff hit the target with six of their seven shots v Man City at the Etihad; they have averaged just 3.2 per PL game this season.
* Their second-half record (28 'points' from 22 games) is actually better than nine other PL sides, including Newcastle.
* Craig Noone dribbled past eight City players at the Etihad.
* John Terry recorded a 100% pass completion rate v Man United on Sunday as well as making ten clearances.
* Samuel Eto'o has played seven PL games at Stamford Bridge and scored six goals from 12 on target.
* David Luiz recorded a pass completion rate of just 73% v United; six of his eight long passes went astray.
* In the ten games since Tony Pulis has taken over, Palace have picked up 13 points. That form is the ninth-best in the Premier League.
* Palace have kept as many clean sheets (6) as Manchester United and Liverpool this season.
* Palace are the only side with two players (Mile Jedinak and Joel Ward) who average at least 3.5 tackles per game.
*Romelu Lukaku completed only 46% of his passes and missed the target with both of his shots against West Brom.
*Everton have averaged more possession than Liverpool, Manchester United and Chelsea this season.
*Only Liverpool and Tottenham have completed more dribbles per game than the Toffees.
* Steve Sidwell and Scott Parker made an impressive total of 12 interceptions v Arsenal on Saturday.
* Fulham have not drawn any of their last 18 PL games.
* A massive 52% of their attacks v Arsenal came down the right-hand side. Right-back Sascha Riether attempted six crosses without reaching a teammate.
* Hull are 11th and yet have had more than five shots on target in only one of their league games this season.
* Hull's top PL scorer with three goals is Robbie Brady despite him being injured since mid-December.
* Nikica Jelavic made more clearances (5) than he had shots (2) v Norwich on Saturday.
* It took 21 minutes for Steven Gerrard to complete a pass v Aston Villa on Saturday; his pass completion rate of 74% was way down on his season average of 86%.
* Raheem Sterling lost the ball six times with a poor touch v Villa.
* Martin Skrtel has now made more clearances (223) this season than any other PL player.
* Man City have already bettered their total home league goals (41) from last season after less than 60% of their fixtures.
* City are the only club with four players (David Silva, Jesus Navas. Pablo Zabaleta and Sergio Aguero) who can boast at least five PL assists this season.
* Aleksandar Kolarov attempted a massive 11 crosses (three successful) v Cardiff while right-back Pablo Zabaleta attempted none.
* Man United have the same points total (37) and goal difference (+9) as Everton at the same stage last season.
* Danny Welbeck only misplaced one of his 33 passes v Swansea last week and misplaced none of his 26 passes v Chelsea.
* Adnan Januzaj lost the ball a massive 22 times v Chelsea through misplaced passes, being dispossessed or a poor touch.
* Loïc Remy's 11 PL goals have come from 63 shots in comparison with Daniel Sturridge (47) and Yaya Toure (36).
* Yohan Cabaye hit the target with four of his five shots v West Ham as well as setting up four chances for teammates.
* Newcastle have won all three of their away games in London this season.
* Norwich are scoring at a rate of 0.8 goals per game and conceding at a rate of 1.6 per game.
* Ricky van Wolfswinkel has managed just four shots on target in 13 PL games.
* Robert Snodgrass finaly recorded a PL assist this season with his 42nd key pass.
* Southampton have not won back-to-back PL games since September/October.
* Jay Rodriguez has scored seven goals in 12 games in all competitions since his England debut; he had previously scored four in 14.
* Centre-halves Jose Fonte and Dejan Lovren were the only Saints oufield players not to make a tackle v Sunderland.
* Stoke City
* Charlie Adam had five shots v Palace on Saturday without hitting the target once.
* Stoke have picked up just five points from 11 away games this season; their only win came at West Ham in August.
* Jack Butland had the best pass completion rate (85%) of any of Stoke's starting XI at Palace.
* Sunderland have picked up two points from five home games since they beat Man City at the Stadium of Light.
* Jack Colback had a 100% pass completion rate when he came off the bench for Sunderland v Southampton after 63 minutes - but that constituted only three passes.
* Adam Johnson is Sunderland's top PL scorer (5) and top assist-maker (3).
* Swansea City
* Swansea have won just two wins in their last 16 PL matches at the Liberty Stadium.
* With three points from eight games, Swansea are in the worst form of any PL side.
* Álex Pozuelo and Wilfried Bony were dispossessed seven times each v Tottenham on Sunday.
* After making more passes than any PL player last week, Nabil Bentaleb made more tackles than any PL player this week v Swansea with nine.
* Spurs have won five consecutive away games to give them an away record equal to Arsenal's (25 points from 11) this season.
* Spurs have only lost one of 12 PL games (v Newcastle) started by Vlad Chiriches this season; he made six interceptions v Swansea.
*Chris Brunt has five assists in the Premier League this season - more than Jack Wilshere, Philippe Coutinho and Samir Nasri.
*Only two players (Michael Carrick and Mile Jedinak) have averaged more interceptions per game than Youssouf Mulumbu.
*West Brom have been caught off-side 62 times this season - Southampton (67) are the only team with more.
* West Ham's back four attempted 40 long passes v Newcastle - only 21 reached a teammate.
* Stewart Downing and Matt Jarvis attempted a total of 21 crosses v Newcastle - only two reached a teammate.
* The Hammers have gained only one point (v West Brom) from eight games they were losing at half-time.