Eye On The Experts: Roy Keane

He's there to be different, to emanate malevolence and weary disdain. He's a counter-weight to the cheery vanilla and we admire him all the more for it. Oh and we're scared.

Last Updated: 06/02/14 at 09:52 Post Comment

Latest Articles

British Coach Abroad: Martin Rennie

Post comment

At the age of 30 he gave up sales and marketing to pursue his calling as a coach and ended up in the MLS for two years. He's now moved to Seoul to start again...

Liverpool: Five Similiarities Five Years On

11 comments

There are key differences - largely off the pitch - but Liverpool fan Sam Drury has spotted five things that are similar five years on. A big sale, a big Italian arrival...

All Articles

John Nicholson and Alan Tyers look at some of football's pundits and commentators and try to pin down what makes them good, what makes them bad, and what makes them ugly. This week it's football's angriest man, Roy Keane.


Style
Usually favours the severe haircut of a retired sergeant major, a neat undemonstrative dark suit, a white shirt and an inoffensive tie. Can veer off towards Brendan Behan 'bearded poet' territory with wild, staring eyes like a vicious honey badger in a hencoop.

He moves very little in his seat, preferring to flick his dark eyes front and sideways at the pitiful fools who enter his field of vision.

In appearance at least, could quite easily be leader of a private, secret army.


Special Interest
Staring. Focusing. Looking badass. Withering insights into players who Roy adjudges to lack bottle/heart/guts.


Strengths and Weaknesses
By far and away Roy's biggest strength is his fearlessness in criticising anybody and anything. He doesn't suffer fools gladly, a fool in this case being defined as anybody who does not share Roy's view on something. Anything. Other strong suits: scowling, starting sentences with 'listen', burning holes in the carpet with his glare. His Ferguson-related comments are always worth hearing.

As for weaknesses, it's fair to say that Roy is uncomfortable with levity. When he laughs or smiles, it can be genuinely upsetting. His proven failure to man-manage players suggests he is not really in tune with what makes some players tick which, given that he is often the most recently retired pundit on a panel, denies the viewer an insight they could reasonably expect.


Tactical genius or tactics truck?
We're not sure that Roy is massively tactically astute or it just may be that his ITV gig doesn't give him the room to be so. More at home when it comes to dishing out critiques for general lack of manliness, cojones or unwillingness to physically assault a player.


Leg squeezer geezer?
If you tried to squeeze any part of Roy, it would be the last thing you'd ever do.

It might suggest affection or emotion, both things are to be despised in the Keane mind as weak and a distraction from the business of hard staring, walking dogs, starting sentences with 'listen' and crushing midfield opponents through sheer force of will.


Bantersaurus Rex?
Roy won't be bantering with you. He doesn't banter. He doesn't want to banter. He might tear your face off and eat it if you try to banter and that is why we all secretly love him. He won't be co-opted into childish games or weak thinking. If the Bantersaurus is typically an alpha male type, Roy is, like Nigel Tufnel's amplifier, one more.

Some ex-pros try to prolong the matey banter of the changing room well into their 40s, 50s and beyond. You sense with Roy that he cares little for this camaraderie and is not nostalgic for it. More than most ex-sportsman, we worry that life for Roy feels terribly empty without the binary, iron-willed world of winning and losing. Putting the fear of God up Adrian Chiles once a fortnight must feel like thin gruel in comparison to the glory days.


Cliché counter
While he would hate to be lumped in with those TV football men who deploy well-worn phrases as though they are original thought, Roy is not immune from an 'at this level' or a 'he should be doing better' or 'a soft one'. In fact, if you take the small amount of minutes Roy is on screen and talking, he doesn't always say that much of interest about the football. (Don't hit us, Roy, we have had plastic surgery and been relocated to Guatemala by F365's witness protection scheme).


Why does he get gigs?
Let's largely disregard his football contribution, because ITV have so little time to do anything like that. Roy is there, it seems to us, for his presence alone. He's there to be different, to emanate malevolence and weary disdain. He's a counter-weight to the cheery vanilla of some broadcasters. The feeling that he may lash out and give someone a proper savaging is ever-present. In a broadcasting world that is all too happy to be safe and predictable, this is a fantastic asset.

And he also gets gigs because no-one would ever dare sack him or tell him he's not needed. Would you?

John Nicholson and Alan Tyers

See extracts from Alan's new book 'Tutenkhamen's Tracksuit: The History of Sport in 100ish Objects' here.

Check out John's new series of crime novels about a football fan, set in Middlesbrough, are here.

You can also follow Alan and Johnny on Twitter.

Football365 Facebook Fan Page

The Football365 fan page is a great place to meet like minded people, have football related discussions and make new friends.

Most Commented

Readers' Comments

C

an we get one on the similarities between this year's Arsenal and 5 years ago. Or any other number you care to pick frankly...it shouldn't be hard.

mc1728
Liverpool: Five Similiarities Five Years On

R

icky van Wolfswinkel's remarkable record of one goal from one game at least deserves an honourable mention. And I'm willing to bet that at least one of Costa, Ulloa or Enner Valencia will earn a place on the list by the end of the season. Probably not Costa

stevenjameshyde
Top Ten PL Strikers Who Started Like A Train...

I

will also give up birthday Christmas and bacon for this to happen

badwolf
Ronaldo return ‘in place’

Latest Photos

Footer 365

Premier League: Jose Mourinho confirms Eden Hazard's Chelsea contract talks ongoing

Jose Mourinho is confident Eden Hazard will commit his future to Chelsea, with talks ongoing over a contract extension.

Daley Blind backs Louis van Gaal's brutally honest approach at Manchester United

Daley Blind says Manchester United boss Louis van Gaal's brutally honest manner is good for team-building.

Premier League: Manchester United winger Angel di Maria delighted with Old Trafford bow

Manchester United winger Angel di Maria was delighted with his Old Trafford debut after the 4-0 win over QPR.

Mail Box

Who's More Miserable - Baggies Or Mags?

There's not a lot to choose between the misery of West Brom fans and the misery of Newcastle fans. We have mails on them, 'only QPR' and lots on Man United...

Forget it, Ronaldo Won't Come Back

A varied morning mailbox, with thoughts on Ronaldo, Daley Blind = Michael Carrick, Ed Woodward redemption, stick with Pardew, QPR's name change and marbles...

© 2014 British Sky Broadcasting Ltd. All Rights Reserved A Sky Sports Digital Media property