If the world was full of more Gary Linekers, it would be a better place, it says here. The boys are surprisingly fond of the Queen Mum of Football. They're smitten.
Chippy arse? Aye...do you want some? Wee Gordie is never anything other than entertaining, even if he is wearing adult man¿s shorts as trousers. Especially so....
* Arsenal are still four points better off than the same stage last season - but have scored eight fewer goals and conceded five more.
* Their record of 23 points from 17 games against top-half sides is the worst in the top five.
* Eight of their ten outfield starters v Everton had a pass completion rate over 90% but they could muster only five shots on target and no goals.
* Villa need four points from their last six games to avoid their worst points total in PL history.
* Marc Albrighton has created more chances per PL game (2.1) than any other Villa player this season but has started only six games.
* They played a total of 87 long balls to Fulham's 58 on Saturday at Villa Park; only 42 of those 87 long balls reached a teammate.
* Cardiff's players were dispossessed a total of 14 times v Palace with Fraizer Campbell (3) the worst culprit.
* Wilfried Zaha was subbed after six inaccurate crosses in 62 minutes.
* Don Cowie created more chances (2) in his 12 minutes on the pitch v Palace than any other Cardiff player.
* Chelsea have not conceded a PL goal at Stamford Bridge since January 17 v Manchester United.
* Fernando Torres has had 16 off-target and one on-target shot in his last five PL games.
* Mohamed Salah was fouled a total of seven times by Stoke players on Saturday.
* Jason Puncheon hit the target with all six of his shots v Cardiff on Saturday.
* No Palace player has been credited with more than one PL assist this season.
* Palace have conceded fewer goals (39) than both Liverpool and Arsenal in the PL this season.
* Roberto Martinez's Everton have already at least equalled the final points total of David Moyes' Everton in every Premier League season barring 2007/08; one more win in their last six games will beat that total.
* The Toffees have taken 25 points from the nine PL games they have been winning at half-time this season.
* Romelu Lukaku has scored or assisted 19 PL goals for Everton this season; only Eden Hazard is surpassing that total for Chelsea.
* Fulham's away record is actually the 13th best in the PL this season; they have picked up four more points than tenth-placed Stoke.
* Lewis Holtby is joint-top PL assister for Fulham this season (with 3) despite starting just eight games.
* The Cottagers have won three of the seven PL games that have featured Brede Hangeland and Fernando Amorebieta as their defensive pairing.
* Hull have conceded the same number of goals (40) as Liverpool and Arsenal this season.
* If games ended at half-time, Hull would be seventh in the PL table above both Everton and Tottenham.
* Shane Long completed seven passes in 64 minutes before being substituted v Swansea.
* Sunday's win over West Ham marked the first time Liverpool have won a PL match this season without a goal from Luis Suarez or Daniel Sturridge.
* Liverpool have scored a first-half goal in 23 successive PL games.
* Jon Flanagan is Liverpool's most voracious tackler with 3.6 per game; only Claudio Yacob and Morgan Schneiderlin tackle more in the top flight.
* Man City have four players (Sergio Aguero, Alvaro Negredo, Yaya Toure and Edin Dzeko) who have scored 20-plus goals in all competitions this season.
* City have the best record against top-half sides this season - they have lost only two of 16 games (v Chelsea).
* Aleksandar Kolarov's six PL assists make him the most creative defender in the top flight.
* Man United have the best away record in the PL; they pick up 1.94 points per game away from Old Trafford but just 1.5 ppg at home.
* United and Spurs are the only teams not to have lost a PL game from a winning position this season.
* Juan Mata has scored or assisted seven PL goals for Man United in 11 games. Only Wayne Rooney, Robin van Persie and Danny Welbeck have contributed more all season in a United shirt.
* Newcastle have taken nine points from their last ten PL games - only one point more than Norwich, Cardiff and Fulham.
* Papiss Cisse had almost as many shots (7) as the whole Man United team (8) at St. James' Park on Saturday.
* Defenders Davide Santon and Massadio Haidara were responsible for 16 of Newcastle's 23 crosses v Man United.
* Chris Hughton won just 18 of his 71 PL games as Norwich manager.
* Midfielders Robert Snodgrass, Nathan Redmond and Leroy Fer all take more shots per game in the PL than any of Norwich's strikers.
* Neither of their full-backs (Russell Martin and Martin Olsson) made a single tackle v West Brom on Saturday.
* The Saints have taken only 12 points from 16 games against top-half sides - less than relegation-fighting Sunderland, West Brom and Norwich.
* Their only shot on target v Manchester City was Rickie Lambert's penalty.
* They made only ten tackles to City's 19 at the Etihad on Saturday.
* Stoke's away record of ten points from 17 games makes them worse on the road than every club barring Norwich and Cardiff.
* Erik Pieters committed five fouls v Cardiff without being booked.
* Stoke had four shots v Chelsea on Saturday but all were from outside the box.
* They have picked up just four points from their last eight games - on form, they are the worst side in the Premier League.
* Fabio Borini was dispossessed a massive nine times v Tottenham players on Monday night.
* Adam Johnson has scored or assisted 12 PL goals this season; no other Sunderland player has amassed more than four.
* Wilfried Bony's 90 minutes v Hull featured three off-target shots, four dispossessions and six losses of the ball through a poor touch.
* The Swans have had 28 shots in their last two games but 15 of those have come from outside the box.
* They have not won away from home since November 23 v Fulham.
* Tim Sherwood's 58.8% win percentage is the best of any Tottenham manager in the PL era.
* Tottenham's record against bottom-half sides is the fourth best in the PL - ahead of both Manchester City and Chelsea.
* Christian Eriksen has overtaken Roberto Soldado as Tottenham's biggest PL assist-maker with six; he created seven chances v Sunderland on Monday night.
* West Brom won at Norwich with just 31% possession and a 68% pass completion rate.
* Centre-halves Jonas Olsson and Gareth McAuley completed just nine passes in total in 90 minutes.
* They made 26 tackles at Norwich, with James Morrison (6) leading the way.
* The Hammers mustered just one shot on target (Guy Demel's goal) v Liverpool on Sunday.
* Stewart Downing has produced the most accurate crosses per game (2.5) in the PL this season.
* The Hammers have not kept a clean sheet in any of their last seven PL games.