It's not big or clever, but it might just get you through a day which is either wonderful or terrifying, depending on your taste. Pull up a chair, and unlock the booze cupboard...
Here is a full list of summer transfers in 2015. It's getting very busy now...
* Arsenal have scored more than twice for the third PL match in a row for the first time since November 2011.
* Victory in their final two games will give them their biggest PL points total (79) since 2007-2008.
* Mesut Ozil has more assists than any other Arsenal player in the PL this season (9); only David Silva creates more chances per game in the top flight.
* Villa have scored more than one goal in a match once in their last 13 games.
* They need three points from their final three games to avoid the lowest PL opints total in their history.
* Grant Holt's 15 minutes on the pitch v Swansea on Saturday featured one completed pass and two fouls.
* Cardiff have scored only nine first-half goals this season and have won only one of 18 games they have been losing at half-time.
* Only five Cardiff players have scored more than one PL goal this season; only one of those five (Fraizer Campbell) is a striker.
* Their first and only shot on target came in the 64th minute at Sunderland on Sunday.
* Demba Ba has scored more PL goals (5) than he has had PL starts (4) this season.
* Ba's five goals have come from just 30 attempts; Fernando Torres has scored four from 56.
* Nemanja Matic made five tackles and three interceptions without committing a single foul v Liverpool.
* Palace have picked up just two points from losing positions this season.
* Marouane Chamakh played three key passes v Manchester City on Sunday; no other Palace player contributed any.
* Mile Jedinak has made more tackles (128) and more interceptions (137) than any other PL player this season.
* Everton have conceded eight goals in the four PL games started by Antolin Alcaraz this season.
* Everton have not drawn any of their last 14 PL games.
* Leighton Baines was caught offside as often as Romelu Lukaku (2) against Southampton on Saturday.
* Ashkan Dejagah has scored five goals from just 20 shots this season.
* Over the last eight games, Fulham's ten points means that they are in better form than seven PL teams including Hull and Newcastle.
* The Cottagers have kept the fewest number of clean sheets (5) in the PL this season.
* Hull conceded their ninth and tenth goals of the season v bottom-half opposition v Fulham on Saturday - they still have the lowest total in the PL.
* Nikica Jelavic and Shane Long are now Hull's top scorers for the season with four goals each.
* ...but Long has had just 27 shots to Jelavic's 51.
* Liverpool had 26 shots v Chelsea but 21 were from outside the box.
* Liverpool have conceded more goals this season (46) than Crystal Palace (43) and Hull (45).
* Luis Suarez has not scored in six games against Liverpool's fellow top-four clubs this season; he has scored 30 in remaining 25 games.
* Of their 93 PL goals this season, Yaya Toure has scored or assisted an impressive 25.
* Samir Nasri played eight of City's 14 key passes v Crystal Palace on Sunday.
* Only Aleksandar Kolarov (6) made more tackles than Edin Dzeko (5) for City at Palace.
* Manchester United have dropped just seven of a possible 54 points against bottom-half opposition this season.
* Despite only arriving in January, Juan Mata has more combined PL goals and assists (9) than any other Man United player barring Wayne Rooney, Robin van Persie and Danny Welbeck.
* United had more shots on target (11) against Norwich than in any PL game since December 2011
* Newcastle have lost six consecutive top-flight matches for the first time since 1987.
* In 2014, only Cardiff (12) have picked up fewer PL points than Newcastle (13).
* Striker Loic Remy did not have a single shot or set up a single chance v Arsenal on Monday night.
* Norwich have now lost five consecutive PL games for the first time since they were relegated in 2005.
* Ricky van Wolfswinkel came off after 57 minutes v Man United that featured three completed passes.
* John Ruddy played 20 long balls v Man United but only two reached a teammate.
* Southampton have overtaken Swansea at the top of the possession charts - averaging 58.5% this season.
* Adam Lallana was disppossessed four times and lost the ball a further four times with a poor touch v Everton on Saturday. Only Emmanuel Adebayor and Robert Snodgrass have been dispossessed more times per PL game this season.
* The Saints have been in either eighth or ninth in the PL table since December 4.
* Stoke have committed 470 fouls this season - the highest total in the top flight; they have received the highest number of total cards (77).
* Stoke failed to score at home v Tottenham for the first time since December 4 v Cardiff.
* They had a total of 17 shots v Tottenham but only three hit the target.
* Connor Wickham has scored five goals from just 21 PL shots this season; Fabio Borini has reached the same total from 61.
* Sunderland's win over Cardiff was their first against a bottom-half side since January 11 v Fulham.
* Lee Cattermole recorded an impressive 97% pass completion rate v Cardiff - including 10 of 11 accurate long balls.
* Jonjo Shelvey has joined Steven Gerrard, David Silva, Aaron Ramsey, Christian Eriksen, Eden Hazard, Adam Lallana, Yaya Toure and Samir Nasri as the only PL midfielders to record six goals and six assists this season.
* Wilfried Bony has scored four goals from just seven shots in his last two PL games.
* The Swans have conceded just 12 goals in 17 games against bottom-half sides - only Hull (10) have conceded fewer.
* Spurs have picked up the same number of points away from White Hart Lane (33) as at home (33).
* Harry Kane has had more shots in eight PL games (25) than Aaron Lennon in 26 games (23).
* Danny Rose made eight tackles in just 69 minutes on the pitch against Stoke.
* West Brom's form over the last eight games (11 points) is better than any other bottom-half club barring Crystal Palace.
* Goalscorer Saido Berahino lost the ball an incredible nine times with a poor touch v West Ham.
* Defensive midfielder Youssouf Mulumbu made no tackles but five interceptions v the Hammers.
* Only Newcastle and Norwich are in worse form than West Ham over the last eight games.
* Andy Carroll had five of their nine attempts on goal at West Brom on Saturday.
* They average the fewest shots on target per game in the PL at a woeful 3.2.