With the contemptuous sneer of a parent finding his teenage child has been sick in a wardrobe after an illicit drinking session, Johnny and Al present Neil Warnock...
The season is only three games old but Diego Costa has already proved he can fill the void in Chelsea's attack. Jose Mourinho will have to hope his hamstrings hold up...
1) Which Phil, Philip, Filipe etc scored the most goals in the Premier League last season?
2) Who are the only other two Phils to score in the English top flight last season?
3) Kevin Phillips has played in the Premier League for which five clubs?
4) Which Phil lobbed Peter Schmeichel in Newcastle's 5-0 win over Manchester United in 1996?
5) Along with Bardsley, which other two Phils have joined Premier League clubs this summer?
6) Which former Barcelona Phil played for Fulham between 2005 and 2008?
7) Which Phil was in the World Cup All-Star team in three successive tournaments?
8) Which Phil is the current manager of PSV Eindhoven?
9) Which Phil is the second all-time most prolific goalscorer in European club competitions after Raul?
10) Who was the first Phil to manage in the Premier League (he took over in October 1993)?
11) Who was the last Phil to manage in the Premier League (he was sacked in March 2010)?
12) 'Sit down Pinocchio': Name the Phil.
13) Which Phil was the highest-paid football manager in the world in 2009/10?
14) Name all four Phils who have played over 20 times for England.
15) Name either of the Phils capped by the Republic of Ireland.
16) How many Ls are there in Philip Cornwall?
17) Apart from Babb and Coutinho, name the only other Phil to play for Liverpool in the Premier League.
18) Who was the only Phil on the pitch during the 2012 FA Cup final?
19) Which Phil scored five goals in 31 PL games for Leeds United?
20) Which Phil was sent off in the 2010 World Cup quarter-finals?
The answers are this way, people.