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I have a dirty little secret.
I like Frank Lampard. In fact, I like him a lot. Sod it, I'm amongst friends - I love Frank. I'd shout it from the rooftops and wear it on a t-shirt. I'm head over heels.
This isn't about Frank as a person. I have never met him and, besides, I think we have all learnt that if we put footballers on pedestals and treat them as idols we will only be disappointed. No, this is a purely professional crush.
As of last weekend, Lampard has scored 200 goals for Chelsea, which you will have learned through the media stream that follows every goal he scores. Only three players have scored more Premier League goals than Lampard's 162 (no other midfielder makes the top ten). He is England's 11th top scorer. In addition, only Ryan Giggs has more assists in the Premier League than Lampard (89), a statistic that somewhat disproves the idea that the midfielder is a selfish player.
Most impressive of all is the Lampard's longevity. His goal against Newcastle on February 3 marked the tenth consecutive season in which he has scored ten or more goals in a league season, unmatched by any current player in Europe's top five leagues. That includes strikers and only Zlatan Ibrahimovic comes close.
Furthermore, Lampard has shown great professionalism in a career that has been remarkably injury-free, despite playing at least 40 games a season for club and country every year since 1997. Whilst Chelsea were campaigning on multiple fronts between 2001-05, Lampard played an astonishing 164 consecutive Premier League appearances - he went over four years without missing a league match.
Such an attitude has drawn immense praise from those within the game, and Jose Mourinho is the biggest proponent of such a view: "He is the best professional I have ever worked with. He's the player that trains better, has more concentration and commitment. He is never happy about his performance, always wants to improve, always wants to learn." And that's coming from a man who's managed Javier Zanetti.
The wider game also rates the midfielder highly. Paul Scholes has often been eulogised in the winter of his career, but Lampard is the only English player nominated for the FIFA World Player of the Year award in the last decade, voted for by captains and coaches of national teams.
Now I'm not expecting you to love him as I do (as if you could), but why is it that Frank is not universally liked? Why is he still viewed as a footballing disappointment, never to be regarded with the same fondness as Scholes or Steven Gerrard despite scoring more goals and contributing more assists for club and country? And why, despite photographic evidence to the contrary, will he consistently be bullied by the nickname 'Fat Frank', a reference to his heavy build when a child. Bloody hell, if we were all judged by our appearance when at school I'd be...a very lonely virgin.
I don't think it is a question of jealousy of success, because Giggs has won the lot and still receives adoration from the neutral (even considering his alleged misconduct off the field). And I don't think it is because Lampard fails to display 'passion' in our clichéd definition of the word, because he's at least as passionate as Scholes.
One possibility for why football fans dislike Lampard could be his employment by Chelsea, so often the albatross around the neck of many an English player. However, the truth is that Lampard has always received abuse. In his autobiography Frank revealed the treatment he received from his own fans when stretchered off whilst at West Ham: "There wasn't a single time that I left Upton Park after being slagged off or jeered by some of the supporters that I didn't take their anger home with me."
Instead, I believe his negative reception stems from social resentment. Lampard is viewed as middle-class, you see. We are told that he went to a private school in Essex, and you hear more about his Latin GCSE A* than his Premier League winner's medal.
Being middle-class in football remains one of the game's great stigmas. How can a player possibly care as much as his teammates if he wasn't brought up kicking a ball around a street scene from a Lowry painting? And how can someone hoped to be liked in what we still see as a working-class game if he doesn't share our life experiences? I hope you can detect my over-egging of the pudding (and there will be people left furious by my mentioning of the topic), but the point still stands. In a match-up between Gerrard and Lampard the former will always win because he is the northern working-class hero, whilst the latter remains an apparent part of the southern nouveau riche.
Unfortunately, such things are foolish. All top-flight footballers have far too much money to be forced into class boundaries - no-one that drives a Bentley but says 'y'know' every third word can be effectively classified. Footballers belong to a class of their own. Instead, we should focus on what matters. Goals matter. Assists matter. And trophies matter.
That's why, despite the air of negativity, Frank Lampard will always be a special player. In a game where English players can be seen as world class at the age of 20, we all need to take a step back to consider a true great. Wanna come join me in Team Frank? I have badges.
Daniel Storey - he's on Twitter.
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