Chippy arse? Aye...do you want some? Wee Gordie is never anything other than entertaining, even if he is wearing adult man¿s shorts as trousers. Especially so....
Players, not bureaucrats, hold the key to boycotting Qatar. Also in the afternoon mailbox: Wenger is right to rotate, Zlatan can dribble, and it's Barca v Ajax in the budget final...
* "I'd like to clarify something - I am a Yorkshireman and I am quite broad and if I say something it can be taken out of a little bit of context. I was asked about the heritage of the game, I would never want to offend FIFA or UEFA. I used a word which was, looking back, probably inappropriate but it is the way I am." - Ah, the inevitable 'I'm a Yorkshireman' excuse from Premier League chief and water feature enthusiast, Sir Dave Richards.
* "I don't even know what the league table looks like at the moment - you try and take yourself away from that at this stage of the season. It's not always useful to be constantly looking at the ladder, and analysing whether you're moving up or down. All that matters is performances and results - and I think it was a good performance and okay result at Norwich. The challenge now is to build on that - and we'll be aiming to do so against West Brom on Saturday." - Do you want to tell Wigan defender Gary Caldwell it's not looking good, or should we?
* "I'm extremely sad for Inter. On Wednesday we were all supporting Inter here. Not just me, but my Real players, who do not know the Inter team, but have a great feeling towards them as the Nerazzurri defeated Barcelona in the semi-finals (two years ago). We were sad, it's been a difficult season for Inter. Unfortunately in football you win and lose, but I'm sure we (Inter) will return next year to win. I cannot give advice to Moratti, I'm a fan. The President knows what to do, Ranieri is an experienced Coach and the players are of high quality." - Jose Mourinho shows his colours after Inter are knocked out of the Champions League.
* "After 21 years we managed to equal the record set by Diego Maradona's Napoli. We are proud of that. Our Champions League campaign was fantastic. We flew through the group phase and I'd give us eight out of 10 considering what was expected of us at the start of the season." - Napoli coach Walter Mazzarri gives his team a solid rating for their Champions League exploits.
* "I would have won the Ballon d'Or had I played with Barcelona or Manchester United, but I wanted to play at Fiorentina. I could have scored more goals and could have won La Liga or the Premier League. I was at Fiorentina, though, because I wanted to stay there. I wanted to win the championship with a small team, to make history." - Gabriel Batistuta explains why he didn't win more.
* "We knew that to return Juventus to success would take a great effort and we now realise that we must be able to fight against everything and everyone, conscious that our strength is sufficient enough to get results. Are Juve angry? No, this is a Juve of fun, that appeals to the fans who make us proud, this is a Juve that is doing its job, which is to compete to win." - Juventus president, Andrea Agnelli, insists the club aren't miserable sods after a media blackout following the 0-0 draw with Genoa.
* "Considering how much midfielders generally cost the big clubs, his was the swoop of the century. I'm not shocked that it was (Milan) vice-president Adriano Galliani who did the deal, he's a great official who already knew what Nocerino would have done for the Rossoneri." - Antonio Nocerino's agent, Marco Sommella, thinks very highly of his client.
* "It has been painful. It's been painful because I want them to do well as a club and they're my friends. Then there is the boss, who I admire so much and who I'm so grateful to. I watch virtually every Arsenal game - unless we play at the same time. I've watched 90% of their games this season. I don't want to see them losing or being sad or having bad moments. Hopefully they will finish the league well." - Is anyone else getting bored of Cesc Fabregas' 'I love Arsenal' piece?
* "We are extremely concerned by the numbers staying away. You will get some who can't go to every game every week but there are more staying away at Blackburn Rovers than last year. We desperately want people to come in and enjoy themselves. We are trying to build relationships with the fan base and re-engage." - Someone should have told Blackburn chief executive Paul Hunt that's what happens when a club sells its best players.
* "I think the players that have come in (to QPR) have not performed to the level that they should, simple as that. I think that they've got quality players but they're just not playing well, none of them. Then you look at their run-in and I honestly can't see them getting a point out of that so it looks like, for me, Wigan, QPR and Wolves [to go down]." - And we thought Ian Wright was Shaun's biggest fan.
* "I did an England game at Wembley about two years ago and I said: 'I can't believe we're playing Steven Gerrard on the left wing'. Fabio got the needle with me because he thought I had criticised him and he didn't like it, but I was only just giving him my opinion." - You wouldn't see Harry Redknapp sticking his best player on the left-wing. Oh.
* "Even when I was injured and doing recovery work, people would send me messages of support and that would give me confidence. They would say things like 'we like you, we want you to stay, you are our favourite player' and that gives you strength to work even harder. It's hard when you are not playing but the kindness of people on Twitter helped me through that." - Aston Villa defender Carlos Cuellar discusses the healing powers of Twitter.
* "It's not for me. You look at the pressure of managing one of the top four and think 'No thanks'. Some of them have become impossible jobs. Carlo Ancelotti won the Double at Chelsea and still got sacked. But in a way that (his good relationship with Stoke chairman Peter Coates) puts me under more pressure, because of my friendship with Peter and his family. I'd hate to let them down in any way. That's real pressure." - Tony Pulis is a bit confused about pressure.
* "There is no prestige to coaching a national side or beating Manchester United. Personal things like that do not concern me. They do not last very long. The evaluation of anything has to be done over the long-term, not the short." - If reports that Chelsea want to appoint Marcelo Bielsa are true, they're going to have their work cut out convincing him to move to Stamford Bridge.
* "Bayern worked themselves up into a frenzy, and we had nothing with which to resist. We've been knocked out, and I think the margin of victory was deserved. We've lost to a Bayern side who were on fire. We've been shown our limits, although we didn't learn anything new." - Basel coach Heiko Vogel admits he was hoping for a more placid Bayern Munich after his team's 7-0 defeat.