That's the message from the afternoon mailbox, which also suggests Manchester City should look to bin Manuel Pellegrini. Can he take them any further?
Forget Lionel Messi and Cristiano Ronaldo for a minute and instead glory in the wonder of Rayo Vallecano...the club that has saved an old lady from the streets...
1) Hire a petting zoo.
2) Watch the match on a helter skelter.
3) Make someone tickle you for 90 minutes.
4) Watch it while salsa dancing in spandex.
5) Watch it while having fun sex. Not the normal stuff.
6) Remember really fun things while watching the match.
7) Mix loads of different flavours of ice cream.
8) Jump up and down. Naked.
9) Unicycle or swingball. You decide.
10) Draw around your hand then write the names of your five best friends on the fingers and colour it in all nice.
11) Learn how to ride a bike (this may require you forgetting how to ride a bike first).
12) Dress up as a mad professor.
13) Scare an animal.
14) Fireworks (handy for the last suggestion).
15) Chocolate sauce. Be creative.
16) Say everything is 'daft' and laugh until your belly hurts.
17) Draw a treasure map. If the clues lead to your crotch you're a sick pervert.
18) Put Smarties in the holes in your body.
19) Plait your hair.
20) Plait someone else's hair.
21) Eat Werther's Original with your granddad and grin at each other.
22) Change your name by deed poll to Spaghetti Longlegs.
23) Eat lots of baked beans. At least 10 cans. Actually, make it 20 just to be sure.
24) Prank call your relatives and/or colleagues.
25) Go to the shop and buy all the apples. Tell the counter assistant not tell a soul with a look of fear in your eyes, then run out of the store dropping apples as you leave.
26) Dress up in the way you imagine Billy Crystal would like his lover to look.
27) Go on Twitter and pretend that the people you talk to are your real friends.
28) Pillow fight.
29) Try eating a donut without licking your lips.
30) Hopping. Try hopping up the stairs.
31) Dress up like a mermaid.
32) Phone your best friend and tell them you've had a crush on them since the age of seven. Then hang up.
33) Tear the last page out of the book your partner or child is reading.
34) Pretend you're Alan Shearer by eating a plate of chicken and beans and running around the living room with one hand in the air, or two if you're feeling particularly fruity.
35) Smoothies mixed with liquor. I call them Loolies.
36) Eat jam and peanut butter sandwiches and talk with your mouth full.
37) Tweet, text or email ITV endlessly asking if Clive Tyldesley can change his name to Jive Tyldesley.
38) Shout "Give the dog a bone" every time England create a chance. If anyone asks why you keep saying it, ignore them.
39) Inflate a hot air balloon in your living room then fall about on the floor laughing when it all goes horribly wrong.
40) Barbecue. A fairly normal, fun thing to do.
41) Bake a tray of cookies and take them round to the house next door. Say "Howdy neighbour!" as they look you at with a mix of confusion and fear.
42) Make popcorn.
43) Watch the match while climbing a tree. Quite a tricky one.
44) Draw a very unflattering picture of your wife/husband and insist it looks just like them.
45) Suggest doing a 1,000 piece jigsaw puzzle, but eat the last piece before it can be completed.
46) Wear a cape. Never, ever take it off.
47) Act out The History Boys in your living room.
48) Make a robot out of cardboard boxes.
49) Build a rocket ship to take you to Button Moon.
50) Repeatedly claim you do a great Mick Jagger impression until your friends eventually ask you to show them. Then do your best impression of Bruce Forsyth. If they say you're doing Bruce Forsyth, insist it's Mick Jagger until they become annoyed. Then ask what the score is.
Do you have any more suggestions? Put them in the box below...
Matt Stanger - he's on the Twitter.
Make your home into the bat cave by putting postie-notes on everything naming them bat things e.g put one on your phone that says bat-phone, one on your beer that says bat-beer. In the second half wait for Rooney to appear on your screen and slap a bat-Rooney sticker on him. If your wife questions this, give her a sticker that says bat-wife.- red_ped