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There was this anarchist I used to know called Greasy Dave. Well, he said he was an anarchist, in reality he was a bloke who liked heavy metal and lived on the dole in Redcar. He was very keen on the principle of anarchy; that society should have no leaders and be self-governing, asserting that it was the state and its representatives that caused all the trouble for the common folk who, once entrusted with responsibility for its own affairs, would rise to the challenge and create a better society.
I pointed out that this was all very well but who would send him his giro when a state of anarchy was achieved? More than that, who would organize society so it could function as a collective?
He suggested leaders would emerge from the people. I agreed with this but pointed out if that was the case he was already on the path back to a hierarchical society, that the leaders would want rewarding for taking on more responsibility and so such leaders would need to be over-thrown to preserve the state of anarchy.
To this he would say, 'f**k off, smart arse' and we would roll another spliff.
Actually I was to some degree sympathetic. The people in power so frequently seem to be exactly the wrong sort of people to be in power. This is certainly true in football but have you ever tried playing football without a referee? I'll tell you what happens, contrary to Greasy Dave's hopes, the collective doesn't become free, instead all hell breaks loose and everyone cheats without consequence.
Soon enough everyone is kicking lumps out of each other, a goalkeeper is unconscious, a burning Ford Escort has been abandoned in the centre circle, someone is having sex by the corner flag and one side has acquired six more players including a Great Dane being ridden by a small person.
If you doubt that this is the case just look at any refereed football match. It teeters on anarchy. Players try and cheat at every single opportunity. Any time there is a decision for the officials to make, the players will feign, pretend and appeal for a decision that suits him. Even when a player clearly kicks the ball off an opposition player's leg and out of play, he will appeal for a throw-in. They will feign injury to get a player booked, they will dive, pull shirts, physically assault or do anything else they think they can get away with. It's so routine we barely even notice it.
Yet when a player is genuinely hard done by, he will have no qualms about going crazy at the referee if the decision doesn't go his way. The odd thing is that he thinks his now genuine protestations will be noted by the officials and the decision changed. The only world where this would happen would be one where players never tried to cheat the referee and his protestations of injustice could be trusted. As it is, the referee understandably think it's just more cheating behaviour and waves him away.
So while people do seem to love to hate Luis Suarez as though he is some sort of uniquely evil devil and will doubtless use his handball goal to further depict him as such, the fact is this is just one more act of cheating in a game littered with cheating and as such no more or less worthy of note.
The harrumphing about it being against 'the spirit of the game' is nonsense. The very essence of football contains a desire to fool the officials and gain advantage. Now, you might think this is all very beastly and you might well be right but my point here is that Suarez is no more of a cheat than anyone else. He might be a bit better at it than some or on this occasion he may have profited from a mere accidental hand ball. It is of no special note.
This is why we have referees. The officials are there to maintain order and to spot the cheats at work. Suarez is a cheat and so is everyone else on the pitch. Accusing someone of cheating is little different to accusing them of kicking a ball. It is endemic in the very DNA of the game.
Greasy Dave got it wrong. Humans are flawed. We are capable of acts of huge generosity and selfless kindness and yet we will also seek to exploit weakness and error for our own advantage. We need policing to keep us from our own worst instincts in life and especially in football. At Mansfield on Sunday, the officials failed to do that.
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