F365's 20 Transfer Window Wishes...

It hasn't been the most exciting Janaury transfer window so far, but we're looking forward to a final week of fun and games. Here's a list of things we hope will happen...

Last Updated: 24/01/13 at 16:31 Post Comment

Latest Articles

Red Mist Better Than Calculated Costa?

Post comment

Hmmm. We're not sure about this argument - one Mailbox says Luis Suarez is easier to forgive because he is a little loco. We also have mails on Studge and more...

Backing Chelsea To Win The Big One...

Post comment

...but the real tempting odds are Palace (won their last four) to beat Everton (lost their last five away) at close to 2/1. That's lovely. Oh and Arsenal to batter Villa...

All Articles

* It's revealed that Mohamed Diame's release clause dictates that any bidder must provide a scarf dance for Sam Allardyce. Arsene Wenger reluctantly agrees. Now he really knows.

* Jim White loses his voice and is forced to present deadline day with a series of flash cards.

* Gary Cotterill completely loses it and kicks one of the urchins gathered at Spurs Lodge.

* A terrible mix-up sees Newcastle sign a wolf's penis for £7million.

* Southampton offer Anderlecht £6million for Lucas Biglia, but it turns out the prince of transfer rumours doesn't actually exist. Nicola Cortese releases a statement blaming Nigel Atkins. An exasperated Nigel Adkins screams at the TV "It's ADkins, for Christ's sake. ADkins."

* David Villa rejects Arsenal to join Aston Villa in a sensational £15million move. Clutching a teddy bear at his unveiling, he giggles: "My name's Villa and their name's Villa. Tee hee."

* At 22:55 on the 31st, Man City staff in the Etihad stadium are startled by the shrill neigh of a horse. They look through the window to see a naked Garry Cook riding a stallion through a wall of flames with Kaka strapped to the steed's back. "How are you brother?" screams Cook. "I've got him. I've finally got him."

* Man City accept a bid from Reading for Scott Sinclair, but the winger rejects the move and tries to convince everyone that he and David Silva are the real SAS. Silva has to ask who Sinclair is.

* Ian McGarry correctly predicts a major transfer.

* Daniel Levy sells Zeki Fryers to Manchester United for £16million before buying him back an hour later for £150,000. No-one can explain how the transfer transpired, but David Gill is found in his office sobbing and mumbling 'black magic' over and over.

* Newcastle fans continue to jeer Alan Pardew, but in his post-match interview he claims supporters were shouting 'Boooooulangerie' to celebrate the club's new French legion.

* It turns out Yoann Gouffran isn't French after all. Graham Carr kneecaps him.

* Sebastian Squillaci bursts into Arsene Wenger's press conference on the back of a Shetland pony cackling "I'm still here! I'm still here!" He departs sheepishly after Wenger shouts "Please Sebastian, what have I told you?"

* Swansea sign Kenwyne Jones from Stoke. At the striker's unveiling, Michael Laudrup begins to pull at his face, tearing the skin. A sprout of red hair sticks out, and then a Scottish nostril, before eventually the mask is completely ripped apart to reveal a grinning Alex McLeish. "You can never escape me!" he roars, before running outside and flying away in a hot air balloon.

* Sunderland agree a deal for Danny Graham but pull out of the transfer after a medical reveals he has 'weird nipples'.

* Norwich agree a £6million fee for Gary Hooper.

* Harry Redknapp, dressed head-to-toe in cowboy gear, waddles over to greet reporters at the gate to QPR's training ground. "Well hey there purdy ladies," he says suggestively. "Harry?" asks one of the startled journalists. "That's right. H-A-R-R-Y. The H is silent."

* Arsene Wenger celebrates a double swoop after signing South African striker Two-Boys Gumede.

* Liverpool sell Andy Carroll to Tesco. LOL. Coz he's like a horse!

* Sir Alex Ferguson signs Victor Wanyama "to fix the right-wing problem".

Matt Stanger - he's on the Twitter.

Football365 Facebook Fan Page

The Football365 fan page is a great place to meet like minded people, have football related discussions and make new friends.

Most Commented

Readers' Comments

C

onfirmed. Nick Miller is a douche bag. Lazy, incoherent rant is what this article should be titled. And for the editor to have the temerity to pass this as acceptable writing is shocking. Ah well, anything for clicks right? You got mine. Well done. Your mother must be proud.

poolshortsdown
Gerrard Constantly Searching For That Final Hurrah

T

his Martinez guy is mental. He'll get us relegated. I said that when they appointed him. Sack him now, Bill!

nilsatisnisi
'No need to replace Eto'o'

I

f we sign Gignac, we might as well immediately send him onward to Crystal Palace.

dr soccer
Who Are The Best Summer Freebies?

Latest Photos

Footer 365

Premier League: Chelsea agree Cuadrado deal and may play him against Manchester City

Sky sources report Chelsea have agreed a deal for Juan Cuadrado and may play him on Saturday against Manchester City.

Chelsea striker Diego Costa will discover later on Friday whether he must serve a suspension for violent conduct

Chelsea striker Diego Costa will discover later today whether he must serve a suspension for violent conduct.

Premier League: Nigel Pearson insists his players must forget about their win against Manchester United

Nigel Pearson has been trying to make Leicester forget about their Manchester United win ever since they beat them 5-3.

Mail Box

Red Mist Better Than Calculated Costa?

Hmmm. We're not sure about this argument - one Mailbox says Luis Suarez is easier to forgive because he is a little loco. We also have mails on Studge and more...

It's A Massive, Big, Brilliant Mailbox

And we left lots of Suarez/Costa mails unopened. What we do have is a video of some rotten Suarez tackles and views on the future of football, Spurs, Liverpool and...

© 2015 Sky Ltd. All Rights Reserved A Sky Sports Digital Media company