Liverpool, Arsenal, Spurs and Everton - every potential top four challenger seems to be dealing in one step forward, two more back. Can anyone rise above these false dawns?
The boys try and take a look at Alan Irvine's appearances on TV but keep dropping off. Never before has a man been too dull to even use cliches. It's not good...
* Arsenal have recorded back-to-back PL clean sheets for the first time since the opening three games of the season.
* Arsenal's 'wide' players Santi Cazorla and Theo Walcott did not attempt a single cross v Sunderland on Saturday.
* The out-of-position Bacary Sagna was effective with an impressive 11 of his 15 attempted clearances v Sunderland.
* Villa have picked up exactly half their PL points (12) against top-half opposition this season.
* Christian Benteke has scored or assisted 15 of Aston Villa's 25 league goals this season.
* Charles N'Zogbia was dispossessed eight times by West Ham players on Sunday.
* Chelsea are still three points better off than at the same stage last season, scoring eight more and conceding three fewer goals.
* Fernando Torres has not scored in his last nine PL appearances despite attempting 19 shots.
* Ashley Cole has produced only four accurate crosses in the entire PL season.
* Everton's 'haul' over the last eight games (12 points) puts them below Reading in the form table.
* Leighton Baines played four of Everton's six 'key passes' v Manchester United on Sunday. Marouane Fellaini did not make a single chance for his teammates.
* Everton took the same number of shots (11) as United on Sunday. They have averaged more per game (17) than Chelsea (15.8), Arsenal (15.7) or Manchester United (15) this season.
* Fulham recorded their first clean sheet since November 28 in the 0-0 draw at Norwich.
* They have won only one of the nine games they have been drawing at half-time this season.
* Fulham had 57% possession at Norwich on Saturday but managed just one shot on target from Steve Sidwell.
* The Reds have still not beaten a team currently in the top half of the Premier League.
* Luis Suarez failed to hit the target with any of his seven shots against West Brom.
* Liverpool failed to score with 25 shots against West Brom. According to Opta, only Chelsea (26 v QPR at Stamford Bridge) have had more without scoring in the Premier League this season.
* City's players have made seven individual errors that have led to goals this season. At the same stage last season, only one such error had been made.
* City have allowed only 69 shots this season - the lowest in the Premier League - but Joe Hart's saves-to-shots percentage has gone down from 79.12% to 64.71%.
* Sergio Aguero was dispossessed five times v Southampton on Saturday. No PL player has been dispossessed more times than Aguero (72) this season.
* Robin van Persie has recorded a goal or assist in 19 of his 26 PL appearances this season.
* Manchester United have conceded just three goals in their last seven PL games.
* Phil Jones made five interceptions and recorded a 94% pass completion rate in his 56 minutes on the pitch v Everton on Sunday.
* Newcastle United
* Newcastle have the fifth-best first-half record but the worst second-half record in the Premier League.
* They have picked up only two points from 11 games in which the opposition has scored first.
* Moussa Sissoko has scored or assisted four PL goals in just three games. Papiss Cisse, Yohan Cabaye and Hatem Ben Arfa lead the current Newcastle players' charts with five goals/assists this season.
* No team has picked up fewer points from their last eight games than Norwich (4).
* No Norwich striker has scored in Norwich's last ten PL games.
* Wes Hoolahan made five chances for his Norwich teammates v Fulham on Saturday but none were taken.
* Bobby Zamora is QPR's joint-top scorer with four PL goals despite starting just eight games this season.
* QPR had only 37% possession but had 18 shots to Swansea's 15 on Saturday.
* Clint Hill made seven interceptions and four effective clearances v Swansea while defensive parner Chris Samba made no interceptions, one effective clearance and one error that led to a goal.
* Reading have scored 14 of their 33 goals in the final 15 minutes of PL matches this season.
* Their 14 points from eight games puts them in better form than Swansea or Everton.
* Scoring centre-back Adrian Mariappa completed just four passes in 90 minutes v Stoke.
* Southampton's victory over Manchester City was their first over a top-half side this season.
* As well as scoring a goal and setting up three chances, Jason Puncheon made six tackles in 61 minutes v Manchester City on Saturday.
* Own Goal is the Saints' joint third highest scorer this season with three goals after Rickie Lambert and Puncheon.
* have exactly the same points (33) and scored exactly the same number of goals (26) as the same stage last season.
* Twelve of Stoke's 26 games this season have been 0-0 at half-time.
* Since joining Stoke in 2009, only one defender (Leighton Baines - 15) has scored more PL goals than Robert Huth (13).
* Sunderland's record of 16 points from 13 games gives them a home record this season that is only better than Aston Villa, Wigan and QPR.
* Sunderland attempted a massive 47 crosses and no through balls v Arsenal on Saturday.
* Only Stoke (42.6%) and Reading (40%) have recorded a lower average possession than Sunderland (43.3%) this season.
* Michu ended a run of six Premier League games without scoring with two goals from four on-target shots v QPR.
* Chico made four tackles and three effective clearances as well as recording a 100% pass completion rate in his 33 minutes on the pitch v QPR.
* The Swans have scored 26 goals in 13 PL home games - only Manchester United, City, Chelsea and Arsenal have scored more.
* Only Manchester United have picked up more points (22) than Tottenham (18) over the last eight games.
* Gareth Bale has taken 17 shots in his last two PL games. Bale and Suarez are the only players to reach a century of attempted shots this season.
* No free-kicks were given for fouls on Bale v Newcastle on Saturday.
* West Brom's 2-0 victory over Liverpool ended a run of six Premier League matches without a win.
* The Baggies scored two goals from only three attempts on target against the Reds (they had five shots in total).
* James Morrison recorded the highest pass completion rate (92%) of any midfielder on the pitch in West Brom's win at Anfield.
* West Ham have scored just eight goals in 13 away games this season and have lost their last five away games.
* Andy Carroll recorded a pass completion rate of just 45% v Aston Villa on Sunday.
* No Hammers player has recorded more than two PL assists this season with Mohamed Diamé, Matt Jarvis and Joe Cole failing to create a single goal.
* Wigan are still one point ahead of where they were after 26 games last season: 21 points rather than 20.
* Wigan have picked up more points away from home this season (11) than at the DW Stadium (10).
* Shaun Maloney has scored two goals from just three on-target shots in his last two games v Southampton and Chelsea.