The endless whataboutery over the length of suspensions, the "blasts" and the "snubs", the "-gates" and the "fury". It all starts when the fixture list is announced...
The afternoon mailbox has plenty more views on the fixture list. Plus, a sublime piece of skill from Emile Heskey, more cool 'ballers and dull football matches...
If we assume the bookies are almost always right, Jose Mourinho will be the next manager of Manchester United, Manchester City and Chelsea. He's going to be rather a busy boy, playing endless mind games with himself, accusing the FA of bias against the Premier League's three richest clubs and occasionally poking himself in the eye.
Mourinho is 11/10 to be the next Chelsea boss when Rafa Benitez is chased out of Stamford Bridge by fans waving pitchforks and A4 pieces of paper, 15/8 to be the next City boss when the best manager in the Premier League (thanks for that Roberto, that made our Monday) returns to Italy to faff with his formation and 2/1 to be the next United boss when Sir Alex finally hangs up his ridiculous woollen hat.
The fact that David Moyes is either second (City/Chelsea) or third favourite (United) for those jobs and favourite to take over at Arsenal (the irony of a manager who has failed to win a trophy in 11 years at Everton being Arsene Wenger's replacement apparently being lost on gamblers and bookies alike) shows how few outstanding candidates are likely to be available this summer, when at least two of the Premier League's biggest jobs will probably become vacant.
Pep Guardiola has embraced the challenge of dominating Europe with Bayern Munich, Jurgen Klopp seems admirably unwilling to leave Borussia Dortmund (he has enough money for three meals a day, so why should he leave?), Carlo Ancelotti and Guus Hiddink are knee-deep in cash-rich 'projects' and Joachim Loew will not leave Germany in the middle of a World Cup qualifying campaign.
Atletico's Diego Simeone and Malaga's Manuel Pellegrini are two other possible imports from La Liga but neither have Mourinho's box-office appeal. Tim Stannard argued that any club would be lucky to have Pellegrini, but try convincing City or Chelsea fans that they're not settling for second best if their rival behemoth is unveiling Mourinho in front of a salivating press.
Juventus manager Antonio Conte could be another possible option largely ignored by the bookies and the media but this is a man whose football life has always revolved around the Old Lady. The challenge to win the club's first Champions League since 1996 would be a difficult challenge for Conte to reject.
So assuming Roman Abramovich is willing to ask, Mourinho could have a stark choice between Manchester United's two principle pursuers this summer - a stark choice between returning to an ex (rarely a good idea) or starting an exciting new affair. The problem with the latter is that it probably precludes Mourinho ever taking the Manchester United job, and surely he is just about the only man in the world with the ego to take over from Sir Alex.
Add in Mourinho's old Real Madrid job (Ancelotti is currently an unconvincing favourite) and there could be three massive managerial vacancies this summer. The lack of obvious options suggests that at least one could go to an unlikely candidate. Even without an international tournament, this summer is already looking tasty.