He's not sprinting as much as last season, he's not contributing to as many goals, he's not breaking up as many attacks. The stats tell a story of a man doing little...
...lots more in a mailbox that takes in Manuel Pellegrini's woes, Steven Gerrard's future, Carlo Ancelotti, Alan Pardew and Alan Pardew's daughter. A fine read...
Last week, you were hit on the head by a radioactive football, giving you the power to present your club with three players from its history to add to the squad for next season. This week, you are digging in the garden, and you strike oil. Enough oil to allow you to buy some rather good players for your team this summer, where money is no object and Financial Fair Play can be damned.
However, there are a couple of caveats - you can only buy three players and they must be playing in the league in which your club currently operates. So, unless you support a Spanish team - you can't have Messi, Xavi and Iniesta. And sorry Celtic, this won't be much fun, as you already own the best players in your league. As before, make your choices based on what you think your team really needs for next season.
So, now that Robin van Persie and Wayne Rooney are wearing out, Manchester United fans might be looking for a couple of strikers. How would Luis Suarez fit in at Old Trafford? Not needed you say, as Danny Welbeck is sure to step up? What other areas do United need to bolster?
Meanwhile, with Daniel Sturridge in danger of developing into, well, Daniel Sturridge, Liverpool fans may still feel the need to get some serious support for Suarez. At the back, centre-halves are needed while the midfield still lacks proven class and power.
If Arsenal fans can ignore the fear that Arsene might refuse to spend your oil money, they would surely look to find at least one top quality forward, durable midfield talent, and a centre-back or two of unquestioned excellence. Spurs? Some fire-power certainly - but who else could come in and really raise the bar?
And what of reigning champions (not for long) Manchester City? Well, ok, it's like your normal transfer window - but go on, who do you covet? Surprise us.
The idea isn't limited to the top league, so by all means let's see what players people really rate across the board. To set the ball rolling, here are my three picks based on what I believe Liverpool require to challenge for a top-four berth next season. Brendan Rodgers needs a more convincing spine to build his side around, and my choices are largely based on that critical need - and the one-off opportunity to bring in the very best.
*Vincent Kompany - Liverpool desperately need a top quality centre-back. The Belgian fits the bill - a leader and organiser, blessed with pace and strength. City were rumoured to be looking at bringing Daniel Agger to the Etihad, but with my oil money, I'd have their captain going in the opposite direction.
*Yaya Toure - Possessing power and presence, the former Barcelona man also has oodles of big-game experience, not to mention a wonderfully deft touch. He's the most influential midfield player in the Premier League. No harm too that he has played for the Catalan giants that Brendan would love to emulate. A dream signing.
*Gareth Bale - Extraordinary talents don't come along that often, so if money were no object and the opportunity presented itself, he's a must-have. Youth, pace, power, goals - an explosive mix. A world-class talent who could play anywhere across the line of three Rodgers likes to line up behind a front man. You could even play him left-back, couldn't you Harry?
There's my three. I'm off to the garden to start digging.
Where would your oil money go?
Paul Little - follow him on Twitter