Liverpool, Arsenal, Spurs and Everton - every potential top four challenger seems to be dealing in one step forward, two more back. Can anyone rise above these false dawns?
The boys try and take a look at Alan Irvine's appearances on TV but keep dropping off. Never before has a man been too dull to even use cliches. It's not good...
* Arsenal's record of 1.44 points per game against top-half sides this season makes them the worst side in the top six against the best teams in the PL.
* Theo Walcott has contrubuted 12 goals and 10 assists in 1924 minutes of PL football. Wayne Rooney has contributed the same totals in 1905 minutes.
* Laurent Koscielny made five tackles and seven interceptions v Man United on Sunday.
* Gabby Agbonlahor's goal against Sunderland took him to 61 in the Premier League, making him Villa's top Premier League goalscorer.
* Villa have picked up more points (13) in their last eight games than any other side outside of the Premier League's top seven.
* Christian Benteke scored his 16th, 17th and 18th goals of the season against Sunderland. No other Aston Villa player has scored as many goals in a Premier League season.
* Six different Chelsea players have scored in their last four PL games but none of those goals have been scored by their strikers.
* Demba Ba had eight of Chelsea's 24 shots v Swansea without hitting the net.
* David Luiz won more aerial duels (9) than the rest of his Chelsea side put together on Sunday v Swansea.
* Leighton Baines has created 110 chances for his Everton teammates this season but he has been credited with only five assists.
* The Toffees had 21 shots at home to Fulham on Saturday but only four were on target.
* Everton have won their last five PL games at Goodison Park while conceding only one goal.
* Fulham have not managed a single shot on target in their last two PL away games.
* No Fulham player has scored in their last five PL games. Their only goal was scored by Aston Villa's Fabian Delph.
* Fulham have picked up fewer points from losing positions (5) than any other PL side this season.
* Liverpool have picked up 37 of their 54 points and 42 of their 67 goals against bottom-half opposition this season.
* Jordan Henderson has contributed five goals and three assists in the PL this season. Other young English midfielders Tom Cleverley (two goals, one assist) and Jack Wilshere (0 goals, three assists) have contributed significantly less to their team's goascoring.
* Liverpool won 6-0 at St James' despite having only 47% possession.
* City's form over the last eight games (18 points) has been the best in the Premier League.
* Samir Nasri has recorded four assists his last five PL games.
* Only two players (Lucas Leiva and Morgan Schneiderlin) make more tackles per game that Pablo Zabaleta (3.9). He made seven v West Ham on Saturday.
* Manchester United have picked up a massive 29 points from losing positions this season.
* They have actually scored seven fewer goals (79 v 86) and conceded four more goals (36 v 32) than the same stage last season when they lost the title.
* Wayne Rooney was accurate with only three of his seven long balls and failed to find a teammate with any of his three crosses on Sunday v Arsenal.
* Newcastle United
* Newcastle have conceded more goals in the PL (66) than any other side this season.
* They have picked up fewer points in the last eight games (7) than relegated QPR (8).
* Jonás Gutiérrez was taken off at half-time v Liverpool having completed just 11 passes.
* A Norwich striker has scored in only one of their last 19 PL games.
* They did not record a single shot on target v Stoke on Saturday.
* The Canaries have only won back-to-back PL games once this season when they managed three consecutive victories in December.
* Harry Redknapp's record of 21 points from 22 games would leave them in the relegation zone if extrapolated over a whole season.
* Queens Park Rangers have taken more shots (466) this season than ten other PL teams but have averaged only four on-target shots per game.
* Adel Taarabt has taken 98 of those shots but has scored only five goals all season.
* Reading have not won any of their last ten PL games and have scored five goals in that spell.
* Adam Le Fondre has not scored his last nine PL games.
* Jobi McAnuff created five chances for his teammates v QPR on Sunday but none were taken.
* Southampton have failed to score in back-to-back PL games for the first time this season.
* The Saints lost 3-0 to West Brom despite having 62% possession.
* Daniel Fox attempted 12 crosses v West Brom on Saturday but only one reached a teammate.
* Stoke's pass completion percentage v Norwich on Saturday was a woeful 61%. Their season average is 70.2%.
* Peter Crouch won a massive 21 aerial duels on Saturday v Norwich.
* Stoke have picked up the same number of points in their last two games (6) than in their previous 14 games.
* No player in the Premier League has been fouled more times per game than Stephane Sessegnon this season.
* The 6-1 defeat against Aston Villa was Sunderland's heaviest Premier League defeat since January 2010, 133 games ago.
* Sessegnon's red card against Aston Villa was Sunderland's first of the season. Only Manchester United are now without a dismissal in the Premier League.
* Swansea City
* Only Reading have picked up fewer points (2) than Swansea (5) since the League Cup final on February 24.
* Michu and Luke Moore are the only Swansea players to have scored PL goals in their last eight games.
* Ki Sung-Yueng now has the best passing stats in the PL with a completion rate of 92.7%.
* Andre Villas-Boas's Tottenham (62) are three points ahead of Harry Redknapp's Tottenham (59) at the same stage last season.
* Their points haul against bottom-half sides (32) is the worst in the top seven of the PL.
* Gareth Bale has scored more goals away from home (12) than either Stoke or West Ham this season.
* The Baggies hit the target with eight of their ten shots at Southampton on Saturday. Marc-Antoine Fortuné and Romelu Lukaku hit the target with all their seven shots in total.
* Only Arsenal (7) have scored more counter-attack goals in the PL this season than West Brom (5).
* West Brom attack more down the middle of the pitch (33%) than any other PL side.
* Andy Carroll has scored seven goals in his last 13 PL games for West Ham
* Carroll had two out of the Hammers' three shots on target v City on Saturday and won ten aerial duels.
* No team have scored fewer away goals than West Ham (11) in the Premier League this season.
* Arouna Koné had four of Wigan's seven shots v Tottenham on Saturday.
* Callum McManaman completed just four passes in his 64 minutes on the pitch v Spurs.
* Wigan's form over the last eight games (11 points) is equal to that of eighth-placed West Brom.