It's the Mailbox all but United fans have been longing for, with Davey Moyes copping so much stick. Also have love for Martinez, Luis Suarez and Southampton. Enjoy...
The stark realisation for Manchester United fans is that their Everton counterparts seem much happier without David Moyes. Even more so after their 1-0 win...
Gareth Bale or Daniel Levy may want to find some kind of Jack Bauer über-spook to sweep themselves, offices, cars and bathrooms for bugs. Apparently there is a newspaper in Spain that knows just about everything that is going on in the lives of the Tottenham Hotspur pair.
That paper is the renowned bastion of football reporting, Marca, and is currently reviving a transfer soap opera that had died down a little during the close season. Whilst a Real Madrid move for the Welshman was a hot topic through the past campaign in Marca's pages, the signing of a couple of young Spaniards for a huge amount of money seemed to have temporarily put Bale's move to bed.
However, like a journalistic cicada, the story has reawakened and is screaming for food. Friday's edition quotes the apparently brass-balled Bale telling the Spurs big cheese to "fulfill your promise and talk to Real Madrid." Wednesday's front cover discussed the "mysterious injury" to the Spurs player that has kept Bale out of training, and thus available to jump on a plane bound for Madrid.
Tuesday's edition led with "Bale, hot, hot", detailing the news of an agreement with Bale and his potential salary with Madrid. Either that or the Spurs man had been to a sauna. Heck, they probably knew all the details of his latest bathroom ablutions too, but chose not to publish them. At least until the player was officially presented at the Santiago Bernabéu, anyway.
There are three reasons to explain why the story has reanimated and is currently wandering around Spain in the hunt for brains. 80% probability suggests that Marca need to shift some papers over the summer and without an international competition to occupy them, this kind of story puts cash through the till. There is an approximate 19% chance that Real Madrid could be "encouraging" the headlines to see if Bale can be poked into pushing for his transfer. That leaves a final, tiny chance that everything is true and that someone in the Bale camp is leaking things to the paper.
Should the second possibility be correct then it would be a return to the club's traditional favoured policy of bringing in shiny, very expensive overseas talent to the Spanish capital. The summer so far has seen a couple of big transfers for Spaniards instead, with Madrid paying some €66million for midfielder Asier Illarramendi and playmaker Isco. It is very much a case of "if you can't create the future generation of Spanish internationals, then buy them."
It is a significant outlay, but it has been offset by the sales of Gonzalo Higuaín, José Callejón, Raúl Albiol and Pedro León which has brought in €64million. That potentially leaves some spare cash about to make Bale the most expensive footballer in history. Cristiano Ronaldo, for one, may not be too happy about that.
Not that it has ever really been an issue in regards to big Real Madrid signings, but it is difficult to gauge how exactly Bale would fit into the team. The Spurs player is certainly flexible but it could leave him like Cesc Fabregas at Barcelona. The club wanted the midfielder, but struggled to find a suitable role in the side for him due to an existing structure and glut of talent.
Ronaldo hogs the left flank. Mesut Özil, Isco, Angel di María, Kaká can play in the hole behind the striker or even on the right. The centre of the park is now well-stocked with Xabi Alonso, Sami Khedira, Luka Modric and the newly-arrived Illarra. At least when Ronaldo arrived as the priciest player on the planet, Manuel Pellegrini knew exactly what he wanted to do with the Portuguese.
Still, it is always nice to have world-class players kicking about the squad, and Bale would be handy should anything ever happen to Ronaldo - or should he fancy moving to Monaco. Florentino Pérez has always been fond of British players because of the coverage they produce in the world's media, and there has not been a sniff of one in Madrid since David Beckham left.
There is the feeling that the Bale move will happen one day, but that the stars are not quite aligned for the transfer this summer. However, this will not prevent Marca running with the story today, tomorrow, the day after that, and the day after that, and the day after that. After all, everyone has to make a living somehow.
Tim Stannard - follow him on Twitter