Manchester United and Chelsea make bizarre table-toppers after pretty unconvincing campaigns against poor opposition, while Manuel Pellegrini was a silly boy...
You'd think it would be simple - that winning is good, losing is bad and drawing is somewhere in between. But no...sometimes losing is better. Or something...
After being courted by Real Madrid and Paris St-Germain this summer, Andre Villas-Boas must feel that he has restored his reputation following his abrupt exit from Chelsea in 2012. Despite narrowly missing out on the Champions League last season, the Portuguese led Spurs to their highest points total in the Premier League as well as the Europa League quarter-finals. Any doubts over the manager's ability have surely been expunged.
However, the tremendous backing Villas-Boas has received in the transfer market over the past few months has piled the pressure back on the 35-year-old. Harry Redknapp needs no invite to increase the strain on his successor, but the former Spurs manager has a point in his assessment of the club's transfer business.
"It's an amazing squad that Andre has managed to put together over the last year or so," said Redknapp. "I wouldn't compare the two squads of Spurs and Arsenal now. Tottenham are much stronger, no doubt about it. There's no reason they can't challenge to win the league. They'll finish in the top four and who knows where they could go after that?"
It is true that the goalposts have moved and while fourth place was seen as a big ask in Villas-Boas' first year in charge, it is now the minimum requirement following an investment that currently stands at around £60million (or £35million for the net-spend fiends among you).
With Erik Lamela, Vlad Chiriches and possibly Christian Eriksen to follow - funded by Gareth Bale's protracted departure - Villas-Boas is suddenly required to manage expectations as well as his incredibly strong squad. But Spurs supporters, and presumably Daniel Levy, are right to look at Arsenal's thus-far disastrous transfer window and conclude that Spurs are now better equipped than their rivals to secure fourth and possibly higher.
Last season's realistic supporter is looking at the top four as a probability, the optimistic fan is eyeing a title race and even the curmudgeon has raised a smile at the promising start made by the four new signings.
This leaves Villas-Boas facing his biggest test since he was appointed at Chelsea in June 2011. At the moment confidence in the manager couldn't be higher, but he will have learned how impatient football fans can be during his brief spell at Stamford Bridge and the jeers at White Hart Lane during home draws against West Brom and Norwich at the start of the previous campaign.
The last time Spurs splashed the cash to this extent was in the summer of 2008 when Luka Modric, Giovani Dos Santos, Heurelho Gomes, David Bentley, Roman Pavlyuchenko and Vedran Corluka were signed for a combined total of £66million. Just two months into the season Juande Ramos was sacked after picking up (all together now) only two points in eight matches as Levy demanded an immediate return on the club's investment.
This is not to say that the same fate could befall Villas-Boas, who has thus far proved far more capable than Ramos ever did, but the manager will want to avoid an early stumble. It will take time to adapt to the loss of Bale and time is a precious commodity of which Villas-Boas has little. It won't be long before winning matches by a single goal from the penalty spot is deemed unsatisfactory and, while that outcome would be enough to keep spirits high this weekend, the manager should brace himself for a season of expectation.
Matt Stanger - he's on the Twitter.