Jose Mourinho might be unhappy with the low numbe of goals from his strikers, but Nick Miller argues that he doesn't have to worry, because the goals are still coming...
More on the great Keano debate this afternoon, and who is and who is not bitter and so forth. Plus, a footballer who became a WWE wrestler, and Gaius Julius Caesar...
If you have anything to say on any subject, mail us at firstname.lastname@example.org
Readers often write in with loopy ideas for rule changes they think would improve the game. Mostly these are the wretched mewlings of a diseased mind.
After watching the following incident from Kuwaiti football though, i think we've found one change that would improve the Premier League immeasurably.
Can you imagine if Paul Alcock has been allowed to twat Di Canio in the chops, instead of falling on his bum like a clown?
Could anyone deny that it would be glorious to see Luis Suarez chinned by Mark Clattenburg after a particularly egregious dive?
Someone get the FA on the phone.
Rob Davies, THFC
Liverpool Better Than United?
Is Liverpool's best eleven better than United's?
Let's compare the preferred starters in their respective positions. Formation is 442 diamond due to available players.
GK: Mignolet, De Gea - Here a strong case can be made for both, so will call it a tie.
RB: Johnson, Rafael - I think everyone can agree that Johnson is better here.
CB: Agger, Vidic - I think Vidic has declined due to consistent injury and due to Agger's excellence in defence AND distribution, I have to opt for him.
CB: Sakho, Ferdinand/Evans/Smalling - The french beast wins easily.
LB: Enrique, Evra - I think this is one where both have been crap, but due to Enrique making so many mistakes I'm going with Evra.
DM: Lucas, Carrick - Similar roles, going to call this a tie.
CM: Gerrard, Fellaini - Gerrard any time of the day.
CM: Henderson, Cleverley - Henderson due to endless work-rate, everything else is too similar to pick out between these two.
AM: Coutinho, Kagawa/Januzaj - Coutinho.. if we consider Januzaj for this one, he's just played 3-4 games this season so nothing to judge on.
FW: Suarez, RVP - Going to call it a tie - RVP great finisher, but Suarez miles better in work rate and creative/link-up play.
FW: Sturridge, Rooney - Once again - no idea. If I HAD to choose, it would be Rooney - but only because I'm being generous towards Utd right now to avoid a backlash in tomorrow's mailbox.
So there is no position where United are clearly ahead, and Liverpool should finish ahead of them on paper. And with no Fergie, who can stop that?
As it's Friday and I'm having a great time avoiding work on your fine website, I wanted to offer a hearty well done to whoever selects the photos for the features on F365. On The Big Weekend we have Moyes looking like like he's just woken from a nightmare to find out it's actually happening (I'm reminded of a previous mailboxer's description of Jordan Henderson looking like a dog that's woken itself by farting), we have Brendan Rogers cleaning out his ears on Mediawatch, likely because his brain has started dissolving under the weight of his own rhetoric and then Tony Pulis sniffing his fingers on the feature about him being the new Palace boss. Safe to say not I nor anyone else, wants to know why Tony Pulis is sniffing his fingers.
Top work all around.
It Certainly Made The MC Laugh
Surely there wasn't one Mediawatch reader today that didn't have a little smile at the thought of Robbie Savage falling off a camel.
More On The Plastic Debate
Snelly, Nelson, NZ...I may be wrong but I think I've heard it around Anfield ever since we went to Chelsea for a Champions League semi final in 2004. Before the game the Chelsea marketing department were handing out plastic flags in the hope it would give some atmosphere to the game. Given that Liverpool fans have for years had many of our own flags (most are on display in the KOP before kick off...my personal favourite is the Rafa Benitez one which says "Siempre es posible" (It's always possible)) we were amused by how awful the Chelsea support was. Ever since we've called them plastic flags or plastics.
Perhaps this name has spread to refer to fans of all clubs?
...In response to Snelly's question on the origination of "plastic" as a derogatory term: At Reading I first heard the phrase shortly after we'd moved away from the terraces of Elm Park into the purpose built Madejski Stadium and started to move up through the divisions. The new stadium and period of success seemed to bring out the sort of fan much more comfortable sitting down during games, refusing to sing, and eating £4.50 hot dogs while their arses slowly melded with the hideous plastic blue seats below them. As this soul-crushing new breed of "fan" slowly took over, the original supporters who fondly remember the glorious terraces of Elm Park coined the phrase "plastic" to describe the new enemy.
Mr R. Eading, (I had no choice who to support really), RFC
...Snelly, Nelson, NZ. A plastic fan is a fan that happily supports a football club, but doesn't let it define them. Much like Fermats last theorem it's probably easier to define what isn't a plastic than define plastic. I've mentioned them before, the real fan.
The real fan lives next door to the ground and regularly attends games. They will have children or pets named after legends, some of which will consist of more than one player (some name them after entire squads). They remember when the team wasn't successful, an attribute that allows them to speak eruditely on any area of their club with an authority equalled only by the current manager or board who the real fan either backs 100% or wants out. Only a plastic fan is prepared to give their manager time and exercise patience.
A real fan knows that weakness is admitting anything that can be considered a fault at their club, and will argue vehemently to any end with anyone who suggests otherwise. If said point is not defendable the real fan will refer to the period of paucity that they experienced at their club to show that due to their loyalty during this period their opinion is of course fact and the opposing view is that of a plastic and therefore redundant. A real fan usually has a tattoo referring to a winless period just to show they felt it. If its misspelt, that's just more proof.
Like the small child in the Sixth Sense the real fan sees things that plastic fans cannot see. Incorrect tactical formations, inappropriate signing and those that should have been bought, players that aren't trying, fouls, offsides and whether the ball crossed the line. The real fan will visualise the formation and players that would ensure success and becomes frustrated when the plastic fan cannot accept what they cannot see. They will initially argue vehemently that they are right as in the previous point, eventually defaulting to the initial point about being there when the team was not successful to prove their accuracy. You will often get told by a real fan that 'You don't understand'. Reasoning is not a word a real fan will recognise.
If this is still difficult to understand Snelly I'll give you some examples of the contrast between real fans and plastic fans. Plastic fans are Pinky, real fans are The Brain. Plastic fans are are the Eloi, real fans are the Morlocks. Plastic fans are the Hulk, real fans are Chuck Norris. Plastic fans are Nigella, real fans are Gordon Ramsey. In the card game 'Mystic Warlords of Ka'a' plastic fans are The Enchanted Bunny. I could go on...
In short plastic fans are thus because of real fans, and you'll only be referred to as plastic by someone who defines themselves as real. You cannot define yourself as plastic, or if you are plastic call someone else plastic. So there you have it Snelly, do you take the red pill and become real or the blue pill and remain blissfully unaware, remember once you have taken the red pill you cannot come back, you will always be considered a gobshi... a real fan.
Chris ITFC, Liverpool
Best Football Achievement
Unlike Jim's greatest sporting achievement, which actually was an achievement, mine was an absolute embarrassment which fill me with immense pride every time I think about it.
In May 1987 champions elect Everton [spits] were due to receive the League champions trophy at Goodison Park against Luton. As luck would have it, the ballboys for that day were to be chosen from my local sunday league, and as player of the year for my team I was selected for the honour. Before the match we were crunched into a janitors closet and given our Everton tracksuits; minging, filthy rags that hadn't been washed all season. Mine was designed for a basketball player I believe, it was huge. A team talk by some old incomprehensible scouser ensued, the crux of which was, "Yez all might think yez er Eydrian bloodee 'Eath, but when da ball comes to you SROW it back to da player, don't 'oof it like".
I was assigned to the corner down near the away fans,which suited me fine because as a Liverpool fan I'd snuck a reds hat inside my tracksuit, and took great pleasure showing it to the Hatters fans who obliged by throwing me the odd farthing or two. With a few minutes left though my big moment came; the ball went out for a goal kick and I was obliged to return it to the binman in nets. Confident of my unique ability confirmed by my peers in a social club earlier that month, I cooly dropped the ball onto my right peg and watched it sail high and handsome into the depths of the away end. the binman called me something rude, possibly in Welsh. But the Hatters fans loved it and gave me extra shower of applause & pocket money. I raised my Liverpool hat and grinningly apologised to 45,000 people. The old scouser wasn't amused after the match, and the Welsh Disposal Technician refused to sign my match mag.
They haven't won the league since that. Co-incidence? I think not!
Chris M, Japan
I've just submitted a proposal to the FA which requests that henceforth, if Danny Sturridge celebrates a goal by doing his stupid bloody dance, not only does the goal get struck off, but the other team is awarded a goal and Danny has to play for the rest of the game with one boot.
Ed CFC London
Best Of The Prem
In response to PJ O'R, Dublin,
I see your all-star European trophy and raise you a '1 star from each team trophy'. Rather than watching a hybrid of the major league's 2 dominant teams (Realona, Burrosia Munich vs Manchelseanal ). I'd like to see the top European league's compete with all sides represented for the mutual to showcase the leagues quality and depth.
The 1 player from each team is not a new concept in the mailbox. The difficulty lies in how such a team would be slected. Using the fans player of the year from each squad would probably result in unbalance (too many strikers, not enough full backs etc.) I propose that the league must submit a quota of players, i.e. 2 goalies, 7 defenders, 7 midfielder, 4 strikers which would be chosen in league order. So if the league finished as it is and Arsenal, Chelsea, Liverpool, City all decide to put forward their star strikers the 5th team Tottenham can't put forward another striker.
My ideal EPL 20 would be:
17 A Johnson
This would be the greatest competition of all! Lets make it happen.
Nik (The La and Bundes Leagues wouldn't stand a chance!) Liverpool
Oh Alan (unable to afford success) Walker, there is so much I want to say about your email - however my caviar is getting warm and my fingers are far too fat to write a long email on this phone! So I'll keep it to two points:
1) Bergkamp was signed by Bruce Rioch, a full season before Wenger took over - which I guess means all the Man Utd fans should be praising Moyes for the inspired, and championship winning, capture of RVP?
2) Overmars cost £5.5million (and was sold on for squillions, but lets ignore that) Wenger has since paid more for; Reyes, Walcott, Nasri, Ox, Hleb, Arshavin & Gervinho. Who all play in the same position(s) and have contributed very little in comparison to Overmars' 3 years!
A Nice effort though. Better luck next time.
Dan (excited for the end of the hipster fad) Lucia, Woolwich