Arsene Wenger's 'pride' in signings is quite rightly pulled apart. We also have a stupidly long email on going back, and one Mailboxer whooping about the FA Cup first round...
Expensive suit, no tie, giving him the look of a randy divorcee, drenched in Joop aftershave. Johnny and Al look at The North East¿s Most Popular Man, Alan Pardew...
* Arsenal are the only side to have scored in all of their Premier League games this season.
* Despite having ten men for nearly a third of the game, Arsenal had 63% of the ball against Crystal Palace.
* Mikel Arteta is the second player this season to have scored and been sent off in the same game. The other was Mark Noble.
* Fabian Delph is the most fouled player in the Premier League, with 28.
* Brad Guzan attempted 20 passes against Everton. 19 of them were long balls.
* Andi Weimann has now attempted ten shots in the last two games without any of them hitting the target.
* Cardiff have allowed the most shots in the Premier League, with 174.
* Gary Medel has still yet to be booked this season.
* Ben Turner made 17 clearances against Norwich, the most by a single player over the weekend.
* Nobody other than the two goalscorers had a shot on target for Chelsea against Manchester City.
* Fernando Torres only attempted 16 passes in 90 minutes.
* Ashley Cole made eight tackles against Manchester City - the next highest by a single player was four.
* Palace had more shots (13) than Arsenal (10) on Saturday.
* Excluding the playoffs, Palace have won just two of their last 19 league games.
* Palace have already used 23 players in nine games this season. They used 29 in the whole of last season.
* Leon Osman was the only Everton player other than Romelu Lukaku to have a shot on target against Aston Villa. It went in.
* Lukaku has the best shots-to-goals ratio in the Premier League, finding the net with five of his 17 efforts.
* Phil Jagielka made a whopping 14 clearances against Villa.
* Fulham have attempted the fewest shots in the division, with only 69 in their nine games thus far.
* They had just two shots against Southampton - neither of them were on target.
* Not one Fulham player made a key pass.
* Steve Harper made his 135th top flight appearance on Sunday. He played his first in 1998.
* Despite playing a 5-4-1 formation, Hull managed a respectable ten shots against Spurs.
* Alex Bruce touched the ball just 16 times in the 90 minutes.
* In four games together, Daniel Sturridge and Luis Suarez now have ten goals.
* Suarez had five other shots, two on target, created three chances and completed five dribbles.
* Mamadou Sakho completed an admirable 93% of his passes.
* Sunday was the first Premier League game Manchester City have lost in which Sergio Aguero has scored.
* Javi Garcia has the best pass completion rate of any player in the Premier League, with 94.2%. 98% of his passes found their targets against Chelsea.
* City had more shots, more shots on target, more possession, more corners and won more aerial balls than Chelsea, but still lost.
* United have made the most interceptions in the division, with 156.
* With 34, United have also been caught offside more than anyone else in the division.
* And United have made more crosses than anyone else - 28 per game.
* 63% of Newcastle's shots have come from outside the penalty area - the highest ratio in the Premier League.
* Fabio Borini has now scored two Premier League goals - they've both been against Newcastle.
* Newcastle had more possession, more shots, a better pass completion rate and won more balls in the air than Sunderland, but still lost.
* With 31, Norwich had the most shots by a team in a single Premier League game this season. And they still didn't score.
* Ricky van Wolfswinkel created two chances despite only being on the pitch for three minutes.
* Robert Snodgrass created eight chances but only had one shot himself.
* James Ward-Prowse created six chances without having a shot himself against Fulham.
* Ward-Prowse had 101 touches. Only two Fulham players got more than 50.
* Southampton continue to have the second-best defensive record in Europe's top five divisions - only Roma, with one, have conceded fewer.
* Exactly half of Stoke's six goals this season have come from set-pieces.
* Only Arsenal and Manchester City play fewer long balls than Stoke - they average 55 a game.
* Stoke won a massive 73% of their aerial duels against Manchester United.
* Two of Sunderland's last three league wins have come against Newcastle.
* Sunday was only the third game out of their last 55 in which the Black Cats have conceded a goal and won.
* Adam Johnson finally registered an assist with his 18th chance created of the season.
* Swansea (86.6%) have the best passing accuracy in the Premier League.
* The Swans have won fewer aerial duels than any other PL team.
* Jonathan De Guzman attempted 12 crosses against West Ham, three times as many as any other Swansea player.
* Spurs have won more penalties (3) than any other PL side.
* In Spurs' 24 home games under AVB, they have scored just 34 goals.
* Kyle Walker has had more touches of the ball than any other PL player this season.
* Only Everton and Manchester United have been fouled more often than West Brom (115) this season.
* In West Brom's game against Liverpool, no player on either team created more chances than Youssuf Mulumbu.
* No player has made more clearances this season that Jonas Olsson (93).
* West Ham are the only PL side yet to hit the woodwork this season.
* No side has a worse pass accuracy than West Ham (73.5%) this season.
* West Ham also have the worst shot accuracy in the Premier League (30.5%).
Nick Miller - follow him on Twitter