We're all laughing at the LMA's attempt to defend Malky Mackay using the phrase 'friendly text message banter' but at least we're doing something other than ignoring the issue...
...so Louis van Gaal really needs to get his thinking cap on. Does he abandon his favourite formation to make room for Adnan Januzaj? It's also big for Arsenal's Germans and Big Sam.
Hull City v Manchester City
I'll level with you; I've had a f**king mare at Cheltenham so far so will be going s**t or bust with the football this weekend. First to Humberside, where Man City are 4/7 to beat Hull. It's been a wholly unremarkable week for the Citizens having been bundled out of the FA Cup and the Champions League in successive matches. But I reckon they have the firepower to blast past Hull here and get their title charge back on the road.
Betting: Man City - Match result and both teams to score at 12/5 (Hills)
Everton V Cardiff City
Cannot see past a home win here but I am loath to get involved at 4/11. As stated, I'm chasing like a good'un after some shocking picks at the Festival so I elect we stick our balls firmly on the chopping board and row in with some correct score action.
Betting: Everton to beat Cardiff City 3-2 at 33/1 (bet365/Hills)
Fulham v Newcastle
Surely it was one of the most expensive, yet p*ss poor headbutts in history? Pards has paid a hefty six-figure price for losing the plot the other week. However, if you want to see a proper Geordie headbutt please YouTube 'Big Baz Gets Chinned' and watch Jimmy Nail in full flight. Awesome tekkers from Oz, looking resplendent in his ill-fitting donkey jacket. I digress. Fulham are reeling and can't buy a clean sheet at present so I reckon the Mags represent a spot of value here.
Betting: Newcastle to win at 6/4 (Bet Victor)
Southampton v Norwich City
The Saints are a good team who have a stellar record against lower division sides this season so I make them a decent punt to win this with minimal fuss.
Betting: Southampton to win to nil at 13/8 (Sky Bet)
Stoke City v West Ham
This one just isn't getting me erect but if forced to call it I reckon the Hammers have the necessary quality to take a point back saaaaf of the river.
Betting: Stoke and West Ham to draw 1-1 at 11/2 (Ladbrokes)
Sunderland v Crystal Palace
It's been a superb effort by Palace to haul themselves from the abyss but they are still bang in trouble and if the Black Cats win their games in hand they are back in the s**t. Both teams have been pretty bobbins in March but roared on by a rather boisterous home crowd I fancy the hosts to nail this.
Betting: Sunderland - Match result and both teams to score at 4/1 (bet365/Hills)
Swansea v West Brom
I woke up screaming the other night. I dreamt I was Pepe Mel. Whoever hired this Iberian shambles wants a good hiding. The Baggies are in freefall and I make Swansea cast iron certainties this weekend.
Betting: Swansea (-1) to beat West Brom at 5/2 (Sky Bet)
Aston Villa v Chelsea
Don Jose has got Chelsea motoring and I can't see them slipping up here. Villa are a dangerous side when they put it all together (see Norwich at home) but can also produce some absolute garbage when the mood takes them (see Newcastle away). Give me Chelsea here via the clean sheet route.
Betting: Chelsea to win to nil at 6/4 (Sky Bet)
Manchester United v Liverpool
ManYoo favourites? Well tickle my balls with a feather I am genuinely (but pleasantly) surprised. In recent years the Red Devils have owned this fixture but on current form I CANNOT have them as betting certs here. Liverpool have scored 15 goals in their last four league games and look a cracking proposition at 2/1. Beg. Steal. Borrow. Sell a kidney on eBay but make sure you get stuck into this little beauty.
Betting: Liverpool to win at 2/1 (VC Bet)
Tottenham v Arsenal
I get the feeling that Tim Sherwood's strategy of being off message and 'telling it like it is' has rather backfired and that he's actually lost the dressing room at Spurs. Arsenal can cash in this weekend and in Santi Cazorla they have a player operating at the very peak of his powers. The ambidextrous winger is a joy to behold in full flight and I think he can fire Arsenal to glory in what should be a tasty encounter.
Betting: Cazorla - Arsenal Score/Win double at 7/1 (Ladbrokes)