'Just p*ss off with your righteous indignation will you. W*nkers.' There's a lot of anger going around for what should have been a sleepy Friday afternoon at F365 Towers...
They have one match to convince decent players that they are worth joining - over to you, Louis. We also have mails on Malky Mackay, Mario Balotelli and Tim...
Southampton v Everton
The Saints are staggering towards this season's conclusion and are without a win in April (two defeats and a draw). The Toffees meanwhile have not given up hope of Champions League qualification and I'd have backed them here had Kevin Miralles been fit. Given he's not, and they have key defensive personnel missing as well, I reckon the spoils will be shared at St Mary's.
Betting: Southampton and Everton to draw at 12/5 (Sky Bet)
Fulham v Hull
Three points is an absolute must for Fulham here if they are to stand any chance of beating the drop and 13/10 odds about a home win look plenty sexy. Not Beyonce sexy you understand. More Ruth Madoc in Hi-de-Hi sexy. Certainly enough after eight cans of Skol anyway.
Betting: Fulham to win at 13/10 (Paddy Power)
Stoke City v Tottenham
Spurs can all but cement a top-six finish with a win at the Britannia but it will be no cake walk. Indeed I reckon the hosts, who have won their last four at home, are a spot of value if anything at 11/5 to claim trois points.
Betting: Stoke to win at 11/5 (Hills/Bet Victor)
Swansea v Aston Villa
Villa are in free-fall while Swansea have shaped right up in recent weeks and in Wilfred Bony have a striker bound for bigger and better things. He's hit 13 in the league this term and is worth a punt at 15/2 to bag two goals or more here against a questionable Villa rearguard.
Betting: Bony to score 2+ goals at 15/2 (Paddy Power)
West Brom v West Ham
Win here and the Baggies will surely survive. Fail to win and it's bound to get messy for West Brom and their beleaguered fans thereafter. The good news is they face a West Ham side who have not kept a clean sheet in nine. Hammers fans are clearly sick of the sight of Sam Allardyce's big, pasty face and while he will tell anyone who will listen it's a case of 'job done' this season having kept them in the league, playing football as attractive as one of Susan Boyle's sh*tes (not just any old sh*te either, a post-lamb bhuna explosive diarrhoea jobby) has not endeared him to the Upton Park masses. Home win.
Betting: West Brom to score two goals or more at 5/6 (Sky Bet)
Manchester United v Norwich City
So in the end he was not the Moyes-iah, he was just a very naughty boy and a man blatantly out of his depth in the hottest chair in British football. The ending, a short announcement on Twitter, lacked class and Moyes has kept his counsel on the subject so far. He seems a decent human being (for a ginge) and he will be back in work soon enough, so excuse me if I don't feel sorry for this dour, Scottish millionaire. I'm not sure who gets the gig from here but I am sure ManYoo can get a win on Saturday against a side who have taken fewer points (eight) away from home than any other this season. I fancy Danny Welbeck to feature in Ryan Giggs' first United side and the England frontman looks a fair price at 9/2 to score first versus the Canaries.
Betting: Welbeck to score first at 9/2 (Paddy Power)
Sunderland v Cardiff City
The Black Cats can move off the bottom with a win this weekend and nobody will surely begrudge them their Premier League status should they end up surviving following their outlandish recent heroics at the Etihad and Stamford Bridge. Connor Wickham delivered the goods for followers of this page at 6s last week and the Hereford striker might be worth following at 8s to end up as Man of the Match on Wearside. He has been earning rave reviews in the press up here in recent weeks and seems to be finally realising his potential. He's got the talent and he's proved recently he's also got the cojones so he is my tip to fire Sunderland to glory in this'un.
Betting: Wickham to be Man of the Match at 8/1 (Bet Victor)
Liverpool v Chelsea
No doubting the game of the weekend and Liverpool know they can all but wrap up their first title since 1990 with a win over Chelsea at Anfield. Jose Mourinho has upped the ante by hinting he will rest key players for this as he prioritises their Champions League return with Atletico Madrid. Is he bluffing? The Blues are five points adrift but a win puts them right back in the mix so surely Don Jose will not throw away eight months of graft by putting the kids out? Liverpool's price has shortened in the week and they are a best price 7/10 at time of writing. The bottom line though, is could a full strength Chelsea side cope with Liverpool firing on all cylinders? My guess is no. Anfield will be bouncing and I like the Reds to win this handily here, all but assuring an emotional title success and a good old Scouse knees up.
Betting: Liverpool (-1) to beat Chelsea at 17/10 (Paddy Power)
Crystal Palace v Manchester City
Let's cut to the chase (as The Television X 10 Minute Freeview is starting shortly and the missus is asleep upstairs). Palace are on fire at the minute and have one of the most effective, organised defensive units in the country. Man City need a win but I wouldn't touch them with a w*nk-stained sock at 4/9. Ergo, I will be avoiding the match result market and steaming into the 'Unders' at the prices.
Betting: Under 2.5 goals at 13/10 (Bet Victor)