Arsene Wenger's 'pride' in signings is quite rightly pulled apart. We also have a stupidly long email on going back, and one Mailboxer whooping about the FA Cup first round...
Expensive suit, no tie, giving him the look of a randy divorcee, drenched in Joop aftershave. Johnny and Al look at The North East¿s Most Popular Man, Alan Pardew...
Aston Villa v Newcastle United
Villa picked up a priceless opening day three points last weekend but they are still booked in for a season of struggle in my book and I genuinely fancy them to go down. I fancy them for the drop so much I'll even go on record on these hallowed pages and say if they stay up, I'll travel to 365 Towers and do the 'ice bucket challenge'. But as well as ice and water I'm happy for said bucket to also contain poo and several fish heads.
Betting: Emmanuel Rivière to score anytime at 12/5 (Paddy Power)
Chelsea v Leicester City
I've backed Chelsea for a nice few quid to win the league so won't pretend I wasn't aroused to see them sweep past Burnley on Monday night. Much has been made of their new Iberian influence but that Andre Schurrle is some boy. Technically brilliant, he's also tenacious and knows where the goal is and I fancy him to play a starring role for the Blues this term. That said it's Chelsea's resilience at the back that will get them over the line and I think evens about them winning here against the Foxes without conceding is a pure gift from our friends at Sky Bet.
Betting: Chelsea to win to nil at evens (Sky Bet)
Crystal Palace v West Ham
Just what is going on at Palace? A week ago I was buzzing my chebs off after backing Tony Pulis in the 'next Premier League manager to leave post' market. I then stuck a bundle on Malky Mackay becoming next Palace boss and he was trading at 1/100 at one point before the camel coats pulled the market altogether. It was a done deal. But as JFK once mused, 'The one unchangeable certainty is that nothing is unchangeable or certain'. Mackay is at time of writing still very much on the dole and I am still very much absolutely gutted.
Betting: Crystal Palace and West Ham to draw at 11/5 (Sky Bet)
Southampton v West Brom
One couldn't fail to be impressed with the Saints' showing at Anfield last Sunday. Their display should have earned them a point at the very least and despite a summer 'fire sale' the early signs are that they are going to be OK. The Baggies ain't no great shakes so I fancy a rather comfortable home win here.
Betting: Southampton (-1) to beat West Brom at 21/10 (bet365)
Swansea v Burnley
The Swans produced the result of the opening weekend at Old Trafford last week and can follow that up with a win here. 4/6 looks a fair price to add to the auld coupon but Wilfried Bony at 4/1 to score first also catches the eye. The big Ivorian hitman, who once cost a Coral punter £188,000 after scoring a last gasp winner against Manchester United, is still the jewel in Swansea's crown while Burnley looked vulnerable defensively last time out.
Betting: Bony to score first at 4/1 (Hills/Ladbrokes)
Everton v Arsenal
Tricky fixture for Arsenal this following hot on the heels of an energy-sapping Champions League clash with Besiktas in midweek. The Toffees are all the poorer for losing Ross Barkley but are a strong side, especially at home, and it's hard to make a case for them losing here.
Betting: Everton (draw no bet) to win at evens (Sky Bet)
Hull City v Stoke City
Hull are my absolute nap of the weekend. Stevie Bruce has assembled a very capable side up there and Stoke were sh*te by all accounts against the Villa. Bruce of course recently got £12million for Shane Long, which means he can now pay off his steak bake tab with Greggs in full.
Betting: Hull to win at 6/4 (Paddy Power)
Tottenham v QPR
Spurs will be all the rage here and rightly so but they look pretty short to me, especially if 5'5 midget Aaron Lennon starts. Don't sleep on QPR though. Bringing Rio in will prove a masterstroke and in Charles 'Charlie' Austin they have a forward who will score goals in this division.
Betting: Austin to score anytime at 3/1 (Ladbrokes)
Sunderland v Manchester United
After their horror show against Swansea I simply can't have ManYoo at odds on here. The result at OT was a shocker but what on earth was Van Gaal doing high-fiving the crowd after the match? High-fiving RVP after 'that' World Cup header against Spain is one thing, but high-fiving a bemused 13-year-old from Blackley is quite another. The People's Republic of Mancunia are keen to anoint him as their new monarch but the savvy Dutchman with a face like a robber's dog needs a win on Wearside. He may well get it, but the Red Devils' current defensive woes remain a massive worry.
Betting: Both teams to score at 4/5 (bet365)
I'd give up this betting lark if i were you. It's going to lead you to a paupers grave. Slightly better this week than last, but still awful.- mrfatbob