This week it's the gentleman footballer, analyst and co-commentator: Joseph Barton.
Rashford, Rose, Caballero - joy abounded this weekend and Johnny couldn't help but smile.
We are hypnotised by the original PFM. He's happy to ask himself rhetorical questions in the third person.
Calling somebody a "f**king c**t" online does not make you a better person than the really nasty types.
And by that we largely mean Englishmen. We feel like a lone voice sometimes.
To ask football fans to pay £77 to watch a match is insulting. Enough is enough.
"The last thing they want is another game," is a phrase we hear all the time. What's wrong with football?
Talking of faces, Johnny is lucky to have one at all after predicting Leicester's relegation back in 2004.
Louis van Gaal sits while Jurgen Klopp leaps. Does standing up earn you a lot more patience?
Take over at Man City and it will be a piece of p***; take over at Man United if you dare...
There are 18 foreign managers working in English league football. Discrimination against Brits? Shush.
Is this season proof that football is on the brink of a revolution? Money is becoming less and less important...
The 4-4-2: An old-fashioned English formation? Nope. Leicester and Watford prove the foreigns master it.
Either way he has done nothing to suggest he should replace Louis van Gaal at Manchester United.
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