And isn't that wonderful? Football is chaos and we should embrace that. We know f*** all, after all...
All that excitement on Saturday, and Wayne was still centre of attention. Can we write him off yet?
Simple, direct, effective, committed. Johnny has basically got a massive lob on for this Leicester side.
Arsenal fans will miss being furious at Arsene Wenger. It's a delicious, dirty sex act feeling to hate your boss.
We were told it couldn't happen; now we're being told it's a blip. But we have seen an alternative reality...
This week it's the gentleman footballer, analyst and co-commentator: Joseph Barton.
Rashford, Rose, Caballero - joy abounded this weekend and Johnny couldn't help but smile.
We are hypnotised by the original PFM. He's happy to ask himself rhetorical questions in the third person.
Calling somebody a "f**king c**t" online does not make you a better person than the really nasty types.
And by that we largely mean Englishmen. We feel like a lone voice sometimes.
To ask football fans to pay £77 to watch a match is insulting. Enough is enough.
"The last thing they want is another game," is a phrase we hear all the time. What's wrong with football?
Talking of faces, Johnny is lucky to have one at all after predicting Leicester's relegation back in 2004.
Louis van Gaal sits while Jurgen Klopp leaps. Does standing up earn you a lot more patience?
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