Why Do England Make Us Lose Our Minds?

After watching Frank Lampard lose possession for the hundredth time against Ecuador, Johnny began to have a leotard-enrobed breakdown. What is it about England?

Post a Comment:

Comments 1 - 10 of (13)

paulonbooks (Liverpool) says...

Ah, Lampard - a player who does one thing very well (albeit too often and selfishly). Worse than the slowmo turns is the hurried sideways pass when an opponent draws near, regardless of whether his teammate is in a bad position, and then his immediate turning away and moving forward - putting his back to the ball. Funnily, a certain temporary manager identified that and worked on it - so actually improving Lamps no end. It didn't last with the return of the Specious One.

Posted 1:14pm 8th June 2014

ianm27 says...

The turning thing is a real bugbear of mine. I play a decent standard in Norway, and our trainer constantly coaches the midfielders on receiving the ball half turned, thereby allowing them to have seen what is on around them, and giving them a fighting chance of playing offensively with the ball. If that coaching is available to fourth tier Norwegian teams, surely it's not too much to expect it from international class players.

Posted 9:51am 6th June 2014

tk421 says...

Or we could just stop caring so much about England specifically and enjoy all the other football and footballers from other countries. I mean, this time next week we'll be looking forward to a Friday night with Spain v Netherlands. Really, who gives a toss about us, apart from the sort of people in that terrible Barclays ad and Ian Wright? Ivory Coast play Japan on Sunday morning, John.

Posted 9:22am 6th June 2014

man city man (Manchester City) says...

Reminds me of my 2nd year in college in the states. Playing in midfield for a small western school. In one match, the ball was played to my feet in space about 3 times in a row. The coach kept saying 'let it run and turn with it'. I kept going to the ball, controlling it back to goal, and (as it turns out), professionally turning in a slow wide arc to see what lay ahead. I did not realize that I had within me the potential to play at a much (MUCH) higher level! I feel better now.

Posted 4:32pm 5th June 2014

siphil (Liverpool) says...

The problem is that Lampard, like a lot of England players, is a decent club and no more. Never international class in a million years.

Posted 3:23pm 5th June 2014

jas_sun (Liverpool) says...

England can't play without Gerrard. Someone badly needs to step up in his absence.

Posted 3:21pm 5th June 2014

badwolf (Manchester United) says...

Burn all the old players? No. Burn the ones who, no matter how many chances they get never do a job (or at least not the job they're supposed to) yes. The core reason for England's failings have been central midfield. Same with United. Everyone knows this. So why the f*ck do we persist in continuing with the same bloody two players who have been core to it? Finally the powers have realised they can't play well together, but why take both. Frank hasn't ever been great for England. And his role has been absolutely key to the team. He is great at what he does, but what he does is not what England needs, scoring (or more often wasting) long range shots. We have forwards to miss chances, but they're forwards because they miss less often. What we need from old Frankie was creative passing and possession. Because for someone touted to be world class and having been in the running for awards, he's pretty sh*t at the core jobs of a midfielder.

Posted 3:13pm 5th June 2014

cozens says...

it could be worse. We could be Italian

Posted 1:35pm 5th June 2014

yossarian_lives (Tottenham Hotspur) says...

Also, great article, i laughed out loud at work at the moleskin!

Posted 12:37pm 5th June 2014

yossarian_lives (Tottenham Hotspur) says...

Thank goodness England have Uruguay who "they dont need to fear" in their group, rather than mighty Ecuador!

Posted 12:20pm 5th June 2014

Most Commented

Readers' Comments


his is brilliant! All these years of moral ambiguity, grey areas of offence and context..now we have a simple, easy to follow guide to right and wrong. What did you do today? I kicked the face off a panda . Oh well, you didn't rape, kill anyone or abuse a minor, knock yourself champ.

megabrow (cufc)
Redknapp leaps to Mackay defence


wonder if he'd feel the same way if he wasn't a white, non-jewish heterosexual male. Because Mackay has basically insulted everyone else!

Redknapp leaps to Mackay defence


heers Harry. I was wondering if he'd murdered anyone

Redknapp leaps to Mackay defence

Latest Photos

Footer 365

England boss Roy Hodgson sets his sights on winning Euro 2016

Roy Hodgson has put England's awful World Cup display behind him and has set his sights on winning Euro 2016.

Malky Mackay apologises for offensive texts while Cardiff manager

Malky Mackay has issued an official apology for sending offensive text messages during his time as Cardiff manager.

Dutch Eredivisie: Ajax v PSV preview

Ajax hope to steal a march on title rivals PSV when the two sides clash at the Amsterdam ArenA on Sunday, live on Sky.

Mail Box

More Fan Mail For Football365...

'Just p*ss off with your righteous indignation will you. W*nkers.' There's a lot of anger going around for what should have been a sleepy Friday afternoon at F365 Towers...

Man United: One Game To Save Season

They have one match to convince decent players that they are worth joining - over to you, Louis. We also have mails on Malky Mackay, Mario Balotelli and Tim...

© 2014 British Sky Broadcasting Ltd. All Rights Reserved A Sky Sports Digital Media property