"I dominated the ball with my chest," begins Roberto Firmino, as we get awfully hot under the collar.
Dream on, all Premier League clubs. Sessegnon is "excited to see what's in front of me" at Fulham.
Can you really reveal anything in a 109-word interview? Poor James Pearce...
According to German reports, Tianjin Quanjian will offer over £70m for striker Pierre-Emerick Aubameyang.
David Duckenfield, Sir Norman Bettison and four others have been charged over Hillsborough.
Who was Man United's record sale before Ronaldo? And Arsenal's before Fabregas?
That means Virgil van Dijk, Liverpool. It also means apparent Tottenham target Cedric Soares.
There have been 91 signings made by Premier League clubs for at least £20m. Who has made the most?
Liverpool signing Dixie Dean would be a remarkable coup. Paying £25m for The Ox would not...
We did this a year ago, and figures have got more silly again. Will we ever stop being surprised?
Can the last player on the fringes of Arsenal's first-team turn off the light on the way out?
After a long, long wait, someone has finally asked Raul Meireles about Cristiano Ronaldo's future.
Liverpool will not face any charges over Van Dijk. Could they resurrect the deal? Probably not.
It has been a brilliant summer for England's young teams. Rather than distrust hope, we must embrace it...